Chapter 1: Welcome to hell

I DON'T BELIEVE in hell or even purgatory. Or at least I didn't until the end of my senior year of high school.

Like most everything else in my life, I went at it backwards. I lived hell for two months before I graduated to limbo. Lucky me.

Because, yeah, being with her every day, seeing her, feeling her near me, yet knowing I no longer had the right to touch her, to talk to her—that was hell. Watching her struggle back from the edge she'd dangled over—and knowing I wasn't allowed to help—was excruciating. Overhearing her talk about him—about being with him—give me eternal fire any day.

Each morning I dreaded getting out of my car, and each afternoon I came home and shut myself in my room. Or I went running. I ran a lot.

My grandparents didn't say anything, and I loved them for that. I might have been able to feel their compassion, but they didn't try to offer me words. They just stood back and let me go through it. Because I didn't have any other choice but to put my head down and bull through it.

When graduation day finally arrived, I was almost giddy. The guy who sat next to me thought I was drunk. Nope, drunk would come later. I knew relief was almost within reach. After that day, I'd never have to see her again. Wouldn't have to hear her voice, that sweet voice that still tore up my insides and made me want to drop to my knees and keen. Wouldn't have to feel her presence—and her power—each time I turned a corner in school.

Yeah, thinking things through was never really my biggest strength.

Because it hit me, sitting there at graduation, listening to some school board member drone on about endings and beginnings and shit like that. I wasn't going to see her again. After today, she would be completely beyond my reach. Unless we happened to run into one another—which I was going to make damn sure didn't happen—this would be the end. The end of us.

Like there had ever really been an us.

For a few months, I had hoped. That night at the town green, listening to a half-decent band while we were out on a date I'd tricked her into, I had dared to hope. When she rose up on her knees next to me and kissed me, I had more than hoped. I'd dreamed. I'd believed.

I could make her forget him. I was more than enough for her. We were the ones who were supposed to be together. It might even have been part of that stupid King destiny crap I'd hated my whole life.

Okay, so I was delusional.

But for months, I let myself think it was possible. I kissed her whenever I could. I couldn't keep my hands off her. I tried to pull her away from that she-demon, the chemistry-teacher-slash-witch who wanted to lure her into a web of darkness. I wanted to save her life, because part of me thought if I did, she could be mine forever.

Yep. Delusional.

So now here we were at graduation, and it was hitting me that today was my last chance. No more do-overs. If I could get her alone, even for a second, just remind her how good we were together—maybe there was still a chance.

Once the first notes of that stupid graduation march began to play, I booked it out of the gym. I pushed and shoved and almost knocked people off their chairs, but none of them cared, because they'd just graduated high school, and weren't they the shit?

All the new graduates were streaming onto the lawn outside the school. Some of the people who had been closer to the front than me were already there, and I used my height to scan the crowd until I saw her.

Amber reached her before I did and grabbed her into a hug. I slowed my steps, hoping someone would distract the other girl, pull her attention away and give me my chance.

But I couldn't seem to stop walking toward her. I dodged other people in robes and kept my eyes fastened on her.

Her back was to me, but I knew it was only a matter of time before she felt me near her. I'd been blocking my thoughts from her ability to hear them since that day when she'd nearly killed Amber—and then destroyed me, just by accident. But I couldn't block my feelings. Not effectively, anyway. I saw her body stiffen and her hands clench as I stood just behind her.

She turned, and I could nearly touch her. The same longing and pain rolling through me were echoed on her face, but I knew it was only that—an echo. It wasn't what she really felt, which was probably more like pity and regret.

I cleared my throat. "Congratulations, Tasmyn."

She sucked in a quick breath, her chest rising beneath the robes. She glanced away, licking her lips. Desire like nothing I'd felt for months almost dropped me to the ground. I wanted to grab her, kiss her until she realized again how right we were. Push her to test those boundaries with me. I wanted to take her, right then and there, with all the graduates, teachers and school board looking on.

She took a step backward, away from me, almost staggering. Her hands shook. Yeah, she was still tuned into my feelings. No doubt.

Amber, who had been standing by without saying a word up to now, did what she always did best. She smoothed over the tension between us and stepped up to me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight, brief hug.

"You, too, Rafe."

I was grateful to Amber in that moment for saving me from doing something stupid. I held her shoulders and smiled down at her. Always the peacemaker.

Tasmyn seemed to hone in on those same feelings. She pulled herself together enough to look me in the eye.

"Thanks, Rafe. Glad to be done. It was a little touch-and-go there at times, wasn't it?" She grinned just a little, with a touch of sadness, and I knew she had to be thinking of last year, when the crazy minister tried to drown her, or maybe even just a few months ago, on the day she'd accidentally used her powers to throw Amber against a tree. Yeah, good times all around.

I let my mouth curve into a half-smirk. "Sure. Never a dull moment." I glanced around at the people surrounding us, willing someone, anyone, to come and pull Amber away so I could have just one private word...

"What are you doing after?" Amber looked up at me, oblivious to the fact that I really wanted her to leave.

"Ah, my grandparents. They're having a family party back at the house." I lifted one shoulder. "You're welcome to come if you want."

I saw an expression cross Tasmyn's face, one of affection, and I just bet she was thinking of my grandmother. Gram liked Tasmyn, and the feeling was definitely reciprocated. Would that be enough to lure her over today for the party?

Before I could push home the point, someone called Amber's name, and she turned to hug another group of squealing girls.

And just like that, we were alone. Well, alone with about two hundred other graduates.

I tried to remember what I wanted to say to her, how I was going to convince her to be with me for just a minute.

Instead I said, "What you doing? I mean, in the fall. Are you going to college?"

All the animation left her face, except where she bit down on her lip. When she answered, I had to lean forward to hear her.

"Yes. Going to Perriman. That's the plan."

I nodded. "Of course." Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course she's going to Perriman. That's where he goes.

And as if I'd summoned him just by my thoughts, I looked over her shoulder, and there he was. He made his way through the crowd, talking to a few people here and there, touching shoulders and offering smiles like gifts.

I felt the cold creep over me, through my brain and down to my hands as he reached us and wrapped his arms around her.

"Tas!" He lowered his head and covered her mouth with his lips, kissing her with such intimacy I thought I was going to throw up. "Congratulations, high school graduate!"

Real original, dude. I tried hard not to make a face as Tas smiled up at him and then turned within his arms, leaning against him as she looked at me again.

"Michael, you remember Rafe. We were just talking about college."

His arms tightened around her waist in a clear statement. Back off, man. She's mine. As if I didn't know that already.

"Sure. Rafe, congratulations."

And that was it. All the playing at being civil, all the acting, went right out the door. I wanted to hit him. Hard.

"Thanks. You, too." I glanced down at Tas again. Her face had gone pale, and the smile was gone.

I couldn't stand there one more minute. Without another word, I swung around, wanting to be away, anywhere that wasn't there.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I froze in place, fighting to keep from ripping it off his arm.

"Hey, man, I want to say—thank you. For, you know, taking care of things."

I clenched my jaw and focused on the exit. I wanted to take a swing at him, I wanted to lay him out. I could've done it, too. But she wouldn't like that. She'd hate me.

"Don't thank me."

I ground out the words and pushed away, not stopping until I was far enough removed that I couldn't feel her anymore.

That was when I graduated to purgatory.