Chapter 3: My Biggest Role So Far

PRESENT DAY

Some mornings, it feels like there isn't enough caffeine in the entire world to turn me into a normal human being. Fortunately, my on-set makeup artist is a miracle worker.

I sip my giant coffee as I survey myself in my trailer's full-length mirror. The rising sun is just starting to peek through the trailer's curtains, but I've already been here for over two hours, being transformed from just-rolled-out-of-bed Emilia into a badass warrior chick who looks like she's been through hell and back. You'd think after two years of working in major feature films I'd be used to showing up to work at 4 AM, but it still usually takes a shot of espresso or two before I stop being a zombie. I thought I was exhausted during the production of Cataclysm: Earth, but so far the filming for its sequel, Cataclysm: Aftermath, has been even more grueling. We just wrapped up filming in the Mojave Desert last week, and now the rest of the movie will be shot in a soundstage here in Los Angeles.

You ready for today, Em? I ask myself in the mirror. The answer is a resounding, "No!" but I fight it down. I'm a professional, and I can handle any challenge this job throws at me.

I think.

I grab my robe and pull it on as I walk over to the sofa. My arms and legs are streaked with reddish-brown "apocalypse dust" - as Violet, my makeup artist, likes to call it - and though my body makeup is unlikely to go anywhere, I'd rather not stain the upholstery. I pull the robe snugly around me as I sit down and grab the television remote.

It's become a morning ritual of mine - watching old sitcom reruns as I wait for them to call me to set. It might still be another hour or so before they're done setting up all of the lights and everything, and in the meantime I can't bear to sit around in the silence, thinking about today's scene. I don't even really pay attention to the show. I just find the noise soothing.

I take another long, slow sip of my coffee. I didn't sleep much last night, but that's nothing new. I'm coming to learn that I just don't sleep well during the two to three months we're in production - I'm too wound up. Too focused on my work. The caffeine probably doesn't help, but it's also the only thing getting me through the day.

My cell phone buzzes on the table beside me, but I ignore it. I know it's just my mom calling me again, wanting to talk about Sara's wedding some more. My older sister and her long-term boyfriend have finally decided to tie the knot, and my mom has been calling me twice a day for the past two weeks wanting to discuss details. Moms - even when they're university professors like mine - apparently don't understand phrases like "I've been working grueling twenty-hour days," or even just, "Please, can we save this conversation until my next day off?"

Honestly, though, my hours are just an excuse. As happy as I am for Sara - it's about damn time those two made it official - I get a knot in my stomach every time my mom calls to talk about the upcoming nuptials. And today, of all days, I don't think I can handle her not-so-subtle questions about when my wedding is going to happen.

She has no idea that my engagement - like so much of my life these days - is one big, fat lie.

I lean over toward the table, adjusting the silver-framed picture sitting next to a vase of red roses from Luca. The photo is of me and my family at my little brother's high school graduation. It's from five years ago, just before I moved to L.A., but it feels like even longer. Javy still had braces then, and Sara hadn't gone blond yet. Dad was still trying to pull off those weird sideburns, and my mom was about fifty pounds heavier than she is today. Still, we all look so happy. It's one of my favorite pictures of all of us.

I shift the frame, positioning it so it's still visible even when I lean back on the couch. My family still lives in Atlanta - except for Sara, who's currently working on her Ph.D. at NYU. We're about as far away from each other as we can be in the Continental U.S., but it helps a little to have this photo close.

A knock sounds on my trailer door, startling me out of my thoughts.

"I've got your breakfast, Ms. Torres," comes the familiar voice of Briana, one of the production assistants.

I leap up off the couch and go over to the door. Briana is there with a large paper bag in one hand and a tray of coffees in the other.

"Come on in," I tell her with a smile, moving aside so she can enter.

Briana steps past me, masterfully juggling the food and drinks without even wobbling on her electric purple heels. Her shoes match the single purple streak across the bangs of her retro platinum bob. She's got a Forties-style cat eye going on today, and her lipstick is a deep berry red. How she manages to look so cute and put-together at this hour is beyond me. She's fresh out of film school, and her enthusiasm is insane. I swear she doesn't even sleep - and yet unlike me, she still has boundless amounts of energy.

"You ready for your big scene today?" she asks cheerfully as she sets everything down on the table and starts sifting through it.

My eyes are on the fresh coffee she brought for me, and I hardly register her question. "Hm?"

"Your big scene. With Luca." She gives me a wink as she hands over my drink.

Oh, right. I've been trying not to think about that - and failing miserably. Today Luca and I are filming our first sex scene together. My first sex scene ever.

"I'm ready," I tell her with a smile. I can't tell her the truth - that I'm so nervous I threw up twice last night.

"Speaking of Luca," she says, reaching into the bag of food, "do you know where he is? Isaac asked me to ask you."

"He's late?"

Briana looks at me in surprise, and I realize my mistake right away.

"I... We didn't spend last night together," I say, my tongue tripping over itself. "Big scene today and all. We both thought it was better to get some sleep."

"Oh," Briana says, smiling again. "I totally understand." Her eyes slide to the vase of roses on the table. "Are those from him?"

"Yes," I say, glad she accepted my lame excuse. "He's so sweet, isn't he?"

"It must be so nice to work together," she says, pulling my breakfast out of the bag for me. Today I've got an egg white omelet with some raw spinach. "I've always wanted to ask you - is it weird kissing him in front of the cameras? You know, since you two are...?"

Engaged? Doin' it? Deeply and madly in love? She might have finished her question in a dozen different ways, and every single one of them would have been a lie.

But only Luca and I know that. For the past two years, since about a month after I was cast as Isabel in the Cataclysm: Earth franchise, he and I have been involved in what has proved to be the greatest acting challenge of my life so far: convincing the world that we're in love.