Four

CHAPTER 4

J O E L

The address must be wrong.” I pulled into the parking lot and looked around. There was a food truck at the far end, and cars packed into the available parking spots.

“Nope. This is it.” Katie unbuckled her seat belt. “I don’t see any restaurant.”

“That’s because we’re going to a food truck.” “Oh.” I pulled into the last parking spot. “Are you disappointed? We can still—”

“No, no. Not at all.” I smiled at her. “I’m excited.”

Truth be told, the truck looked like little more than a rust bucket on wheels. I wasn’t even sure how it had gotten to the parking lot. Perhaps it had been here for decades.

Katie led the way, her pink dress billowing around her legs. A tickling sensation traveled down my neck, and I rubbed at it.

The amount of time I’d spent thinking about her was astonishing. She’d been the last thing on my mind before sleep and the first thing on it when I woke up.

Luckily, I had the ability to laser-focus during surgery, so I hadn’t been distracted while working that day. Soon as the surgery was over, though, my

thoughts went right back to her.

Her wit. Her laugh. Her big smile. I wondered if her hair was as soft as it looked, what her lips tasted like. Usually, when I liked a girl, I was able to compartmentalize, to think about her when I chose to.

With Katie, it felt like she dominated my mind.

“There’s no menu,” she said as we reached the truck, which had fairy lights strung up around its window. “They only serve tacos. You pick your filling, and that’s it.”

“Pretty straightforward.”

“I promise, you won’t regret coming here.” I kept my eyes on her. “I know I won’t.”

She ducked her face, her cheeks turning pink.

Since they’d come so recommended, I ordered the steak tacos—which Katie did as well.

“I can’t believe you just performed surgery today,” Katie said as we stood to the side and waited for our dinner.

“I can’t believe you just dealt with a million children.” She laughed and shrugged.

“Don’t say it’s nothing,” I said.

“I wouldn’t say that… But I love it, so it’s worth it, you know?”

I started to respond automatically, to say that I did know, but I held myself back. No, I didn’t know.

I felt relief whenever a surgery was over. Sometimes pride at a job well done. And it was good to be able to help people. I knew that.

So then why didn’t I feel that?

“I can imagine,” I settled with saying.

Our order was called out, and I looked around for somewhere to sit. Being a parking lot, there wasn’t any place. There wasn’t even a bench in sight.

“Let’s sit on the beach,” Katie suggested. “Perfect.”

I let her lead the way, taking us across the parking lot and onto the sand. There were a few people here and there, and down the beach the Ferris wheel lit up the night.

Katie settled into the sand like it was the most comfortable place on earth. And maybe it was.

“This is one of your favorite spots.” I sat next to her.

“Yeah.” She sighed happily. “I come here a lot both during the day and at night. My best friend and I sometimes come here on Saturday and stay the whole day.”

The image of Katie in a bikini briefly flitted across my mind.

Okay, perhaps it did more than briefly flit. It sat there until I had to shake it away.

“I can’t remember the last time I spent the day at the beach.” I picked up a taco.

“Really?”

I paused before I could take a bite. “It was… maybe never.” Katie gasped. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” I laughed. “Sorry to appall you.” “That has to change.”

“Are you inviting me to the beach with you?” I finally took my first bite of taco.

“Yes, but be forewarned that I go all out. I bring a cooler, set up a big umbrella. It’s a day-long affair.”

I couldn’t answer. I was too busy being overwhelmed by my exploding taste buds. The taco was one the most amazing things I’d ever tasted.

I took another bite, feeling like a feral animal wolfing down a steak. “These are amazing,” I said between mouthfuls.

“Oh, I know.”

I chuckled. “Sound more self-satisfied about it, why don’t ya?”

Katie sipped her bottled water. “I wouldn’t have brought you here if it was mediocre.”

“So you’re saying you wanted to impress me.”

A moment passed before she answered. “Maybe.”

We ate without talking for a few minutes, listening to the waves crashing against the shore and some teenagers shouting down the beach.

As I finished my tacos, I found myself smiling. Really smiling. Like, a full- face grin.

“I like this,” I said.

Katie put her empty taco carton in the sand. “I do, too.”

A breeze danced across the beach, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Here.” Without giving it any thought, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

“Thanks.” She smiled up at me, and my heart danced a jig.

The feeling didn’t last long, though. In no time at all, my stomach was dropping.

The moment should have been perfect. A beautiful girl. A dark beach. My arm around her. All of the components were there to create a romantic moment.

But something didn’t feel right.

Katie liked me. I was pretty sure of that.

And I liked her. More than I was comfortable with.

I wanted to pull her in closer. Taste her. Run my fingers across her face. Inhale her scent until I was lost in it.

But the twisting in my chest held me back.

Women were fun, but that’s all they were to me. I’d never dated anyone for more than a few months. That was usually the point when the whole situation stopped being fun and people became way too serious. Women wanted a relationship past that point, and I wasn’t ready for that.

Heck, I was thirty-seven. Not young to some people, but I felt young. I had my whole life ahead of me. There would be plenty of time to think about relationships in the future.

Or not.

I knew for sure, though, that I couldn’t get stuck with someone. No matter how amazing they were, they would drag me down.

I cleared my throat. I could kiss Katie. Start a fling. Date her for a month or two. Or three. Enjoy what we had while it lasted.

But then things would be over, and I’d never see her again. Or I would see her every once in a while, if we casually dated.

Both of those possibilities made my stomach churn. There was only one thing to do.

“I like you,” I said.

She turned to face me more fully. “I like you, too,” she breathed.

By the airy quality of her voice, I could tell she thought this conversation was headed in the opposite direction of its actual path.

Again, I cleared my throat. I really didn’t want to say this, but I had to. I wasn’t about to chicken out now.

“But I’m not a relationship guy,” I said. “I’ve always been alone, and I’m good that way. It’s better for me.”

“Oh.” Her shoulders dropped. A second later, she stiffened. “That’s fine.” I pressed my lips together. “Katie…”

“It’s fine.” She waved her hand. “Really.”

My chest constricted, and it felt hard to breathe. I had expected her to put up more of a fight.

Which was stupid. As satisfying as it was to have girls chase after me, it wasn’t right to wish for that. Not if I couldn’t return the affection.

I forced in a breath. “Okay. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

My arm was still around her, I suddenly realized. I wanted to keep it there forever—which is why I withdrew it.

“We can be friends,” Katie said. “If you’re better alone, well… maybe we can be alone together.”

Alone together. I couldn’t decide how I felt about that.

But if it meant having Katie around, I would take it. She was one in a thousand, and now that I knew her I wasn’t about to let her leave my life that easily. The last couple of days had been some of the best of my life.

I knew a good thing when I saw it.

“I’d like that,” I said. “I would love to be friends.” “Great.” She squeezed my arm.

“Great,” I repeated.

Because it was great. Not disappointing at all. One hundred percent, absolutely great.

…Right?