Chapter 10 FEELINGS OF ABANDONMENT

From my balcony, I can see the moon shining across the training grounds. I attempted to send a mind link to my beta Rector. However, I was prevented from communicating with him. I am confused, as I had forgotten that he had found his mate. I needed to speak to him about tonight because he is a close friend and confidant of mine.

As I began to knock on his door, my hand stopped halfway in the air as my werewolf hearing could detect them having sex. As they moaned, it became apparent to me that he had found his mate. From what I have learned from my studies, it appears that they are mating, which could take a few days. It felt as if I had been abandoned once again in my life. There was no doubt that this would occur one day, just not now, when I really needed him. It was he who provided me with the strength to create an army and prepare for the takedown of Malcolm. As I put my hand back down, I walked down the stairs and around the back door of the house. I was dressed in leggings, a sports bra, and sneakers. We do not sleep at night; we sleep during the day. I noticed a tether ball hanging on a pole. I remember when I was a child playing with one of those. I walked over and started punching it working out all my frustrations, irritations, and sorrow.

There are abandonment issues in my life, but I thought I had dealt with them emotionally. I guess I hadn't because I was trying not to cry when my beta found his true mate. The best thing I could do for him would be to be happy for him rather than selfish.

As a child, I remember my mother and father leaving me with my aunt and uncle to check on every single pack. They returned after a period of one year. It broke my heart that they had not taken me with them, and I cried my eyes out. Their return was delayed until a year later, when they brought a baby brother with them. The royal pack was about to be slaughtered by massive forces that attacked during the night.

As a child, my parents forced me to leave with the royal warriors, one of whom was the Rector. Over the course of my life, he had served as a protector and a big brother to me.

My concern now was whether he would be able to end this war with me. Was he going to remain here, since wolves cannot survive without their mates? Would he be accompanied by his mate?

As I struck the ball harder, I did not realize that it was being shredded.

My mind is stuck in scenes from my past, feeling sorry for myself. It is still fresh in my mind the day my uncle left; we needed supplies to stock up for the winter. It was necessary for my uncle to travel to neighboring wolf-packs located approximately 100 miles or more away.

Every night when he was gone, my aunt would cry. She appeared to be in excruciating pain. In spite of my efforts to comfort her with my little hands, my nanny would rush me out of her room. Trying to reassure me that everything would be fine, that my aunt was simply missing her mate, she attempted to calm me down. It was one night when my aunt began screaming uncontrollably as if she was experiencing deathly pain. It was my attempt to run to her that failed. The closest person to my mother I had was her. However, my nanny ordered Rector to drag me to my room while they attended to my aunt.

At the age of eight, my aunt had stopped eating and had died. Despite her love for my brother and me, she did not even attempt to live. Once again, tears flowed down my face and soaked my pillow. It did not help matters that the dragon kids at school thought I was trash and said I stunk like a wet dog. In my teen years, I was able to gain the respect of the dragon youth for the first time. As a result of my Alpha blood, I was extremely strong and could defeat anyone in hand-to-hand combat. As soon as I turned sixteen, I ensured that I had graduated from high school. As a high school student and then as a college student, I took internet courses. It was my intention to assist Nana with providing for us, as the other three warriors also did not return.

As I learned later, the bond between my aunt and her mate had broken for some reason. It is either that he intentionally broke it or my uncle died. Whatever the case may be, my aunt was unable and unwilling to live.

Except for the Rector and Nana, everyone else had abandoned me. Now that Rector is leaving me, I will be alone. It became impossible for me to hold back my tears any longer. When I fell to the ground, I began to weep, unable to move as I lay in the dirt. Is there no one who loves me enough to stay with me? What is the purpose of making me suffer through this, moon goddess?

It is only when I hear a loud noise that I am able to rise from my self-pity. It is obvious who it is, simply because I am unable to see where or from whom the noise is coming, but I know it from the sound of dragon wings. Invisibility is a capability that dragons possess.

As I wipe away my tears, I am able to see Cadma in all his naked glory. We wolves are known for leaving extra clothing behind trees.

I picked up some basketball shorts for him and delivered them to him. In an attempt to kiss me, he reaches out to me. This is not acceptable to me in any way! Men seem to believe that they may kiss me at any time and have gotten out of control. After punching him in the face, I threw the shorts at him. After turning around, I began running back into the castle.

Upon entering the back door, I ran into a wall named Andor. Suddenly, he began growling and looking angry at Cadma who stood behind me. What in the hell is Andor's problem?

Suddenly, Andor grabs me from behind and begins to rub his face against my neck, repeating the words, "Mine!" over and over. "You are mine!" I try hard to push him away, but he does not budge. The situation is becoming increasingly frustrating for Cadma. It appears that he is attempting to remove Andor from me, and Andor turns quickly growling and showing his fangs. Within a few minutes, both Andor and Cadma would have shifted into their respective beasts. What has become of all men? Have they all gone crazy?”