Chapter 1

Her head was pounding, throbbing really and she contemplated it was the loud sound of snoring which was making it hurt. It had nothing to do with the fact she was once again at the mercy of her poor decision making and judgment with a heap of self-loathing on top.

She slid out from the grip of the man holding onto her and the flaccid dick poking into her backside, though it hadn’t been hard for more than three minutes any of the times he’d had erection through the night.

She made her way to the bathroom and quickly got cleaned up and dressed back in her clothing and twisted her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She contemplated using his toothbrush and then shrugged. She’d had his dick in her mouth the night before, yet she balked at his toothbrush. She quickly wet the brush, heaped a huge globe of toothpaste on it and brushed her teeth.

She confidently strolled out of the bathroom and noted the man was still sleeping. He was a good-looking man and he’d even been a great date. However, the sex had been less than mediocre. It had been downright awful. She recalled with irritation how she had masturbated while he watched out of pure frustration for his lack of ability in the woman-pleasing department.

She shook her head at his inability to even notice she’d gotten out of bed, grabbed her purse off the nightstand and made her way out of the apartment. She gave an appreciative shrug that the man had not balked when she said she’d follow him in her own car back to his place. At least she could do her walk of shame in the comfort of her own car. She sighed as she squeezed the steering wheel.

“What are you doing, Janka. You’re too old for this shit. You won a thirty-under-thirty award last night for your entrepreneurship. You have a great network of business and friends. Why are you schlepping around with losers just to get a good night’s sleep in their bed?” she told herself off before putting the car into drive in the direction of her shop and home.

Her loft was in the top floor of the business she ran. She was a photographer. A damn good one. What she could do with a camera lens was rivaled only with a very niche speciality she had created in custom framing. As an art student she had learned how to build frames. Now she could create intricate designs, scrollwork and smart encasements for the art which frequently was exhibited in her gallery.

Running an art gallery which doubled as a custom framing and restoration center had taken over her life and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Her only regret, if she had to admit one, was how her apartment above her shop was so damn small. There was barely room for her let alone a bed and she slept on a very low to the floor mattress.

It was of course, why she’d stayed and agreed to a third round with the guy who had been so horrible in bed. She really just wanted to get a few hours sleep on a bed other than the floor. The shame she felt admitting this made her groan loudly. She approached her storefront and noted the coffee shop across the street was open, despite the early hour.

She sat in her car staring at the empty loft apartment, the lights off and dark above her shop. Maybe she should get a cat. At least then there would be someone there waiting for her when she got home after these horrible nights. She grabbed her phone and sent a text to Liesl. Liesl had to be awake. Her new boyfriend was away for work, and she knew there was no way the woman was sleeping well without him there.

She muttered a “fuck it” and threw the car back into drive and made her way through the drive-thru of the coffee shop and made her way to Liesl’s house. Actually, it was Isaias’ house but from what Janka had seen of him, he was an all-in kind of guy.

She found herself wondering what it would be like to be in Liesl’s shoes, with a man who fell in love with you almost at first sight and who would do anything for you. She considered the way the man she’d gone to dinner with the night before had nutted with seconds of penetration. He was definitely not the kind of man who would put her needs first.

As she approached the street, she noted Isaias’ security team in place for Liesl was up and watching the house. Mallory, one of the leads recognized her and waved her to stop outside the gate. She looked him up and down and gave a sad realization, despite just leaving a man’s bed, she had been so thoroughly unsatisfied she was eyeballing the cousin of her best friend’s boyfriend. She checked herself and rolled her window down.

“Good morning, Mallory. I’m bringing Liesl coffee. I know there’s now way she’s sleeping still with Isaias away.”

“Her lights were on until way past midnight.” He frowned, “she might still be sleeping.”

“Not for long if you open the gates. Please?” she batted her lashes.

“Go but if she shoots you when she opens the door, I will simply bury you on the property and hide your car.”

She giggled at his macabre sense of humor, “it’s a risk I’m willing to make. Also, I’d do the same thing. She’s my best friend. I’d bury you for her in a heartbeat.”

He winked at her as he waved her through, “have a good morning Janka.”

“You too Mallory.”

Five minutes later she was still pounding on the door and cursing her friend as Mallory and his goons laughed at her for standing there like a fool. When the door finally opened, she glared at Liesl who appeared dishevelled and cranky.

“What took you so long, I’ve been standing down here, forever.” When Liesl questioned her, she waved at her and reminded the woman of what she’d been wearing the night before. She gave her a very quick rundown of what had happened the night before. “Worst sex of my life. I swear I stayed hoping each time would get better. We did it three times and all three times he nutted before I was even warmed up.”

She barged into the living room and plunked down, miserable, and irritated. As she tried to put a light spin on her pathetic plight, she fought the feeling in her chest. She was turning into a loser. She listened to Liesl talking about how much she missed her man and then noted the candy wrappers and empty bag which she knew had housed a pound of jellybeans the day before.

“Did you eat all those jellybeans?” When Liesl said she was sad, she shot back with a snarky tone, “or you’re pregnant.” She watched with interest as Liesl’s face went through a myriad of expressions before she spouted and sputtered before demanding she call Elise.

She sat there as she called their other best friend and contemplated, at least she wasn’t knocked up. She grabbed Liesl’s coffee the woman said she couldn’t drink and finished it off as they waited for The only thing worse than doing a walk of shame from a man who couldn’t last mere minutes would be to be pregnant. She gave a very real shudder of disgust at the idea of being in Liesl’s very likely shoes.

Never. There was no room in her life for a permanent fixture of any kind, man, or child. Nope. She’ll happily be a spinster until the day she died.