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CHAPTER FIVE

He had dirt cover pretty much every inch of his clothing from his bright yellow t-shirt to his long black pants, the evident dirt on his face made him appear a tint darker then his olive tone and dirt littered his deep brown hair, I could tell he had been working quite hard today, if his messy look was not enough to convince me, the dark circles under his blue eyes was a sure tell-tale sign. "hey my love, how was work today", I ask, trying to sound interested and less annoyed than what I am feeling, "it was quite tame today", he said stiffly, pecking me on the cheek, we have been married for one year and I can count the amount of real kisses he has given me since we got married, including the one at the alter, he was never affectionate to begin with, so I knew what I was getting, we have only 'slept together' three times, five times if you count before the wedding, I am not unhappy but not happy at the same time, I do love him but I feel I don't love him as much as I should. I clear my throat loudly and dramatically looked down at his shoes with my hands pointing towards them, he looks down at them then back at me with a sheepish, guilty looking grin on his face while scratching the back of his neck and without saying another word, he proceeds to remove them where he is standing and after muttering a "sorry" takes them straight to the front door and puts them outside, I then watch him as he goes and plonks down on the lounge and turns on the TV to watch some fishing show, I shake my head, roll my eyes and turn back to finish up making dinner, I take a few quiet breaths to calm down, what is the point in speaking to to him, when nothing ever changes when I do.

Once dinner is ready I start plating up the wraps and get them ready to take to the dining table, I pick them up and start walking to the dining area when get another dizzy spell but something else has come with it, it feels as though I inhaled raw flames, my chest began burning and felt like something was squeezing my diaphragm, the pain was so bad, I lost my grip on the plate and it crashed to the ground, shattering, the food scattered all over the floor, I clutched my chest trying to ease the pain "Adam", I try to breath out as loud as possible, looking towards him, he was already looking at me with concern starting to stand up, I look down and see the floor getting closer, I close my eye preparing for impact and thinking of Riley, "I can't leave him like this", I thought, I know I want to die but not yet I still have to raise Riley and make sure he leads a strong, healthy and loving life, what will he become without me. My thoughts become completely crowded with Riley and all the birthdays I will miss, his graduations, marriage and possible children, I am supposed to be there when his first love breaks his heart, I am supposed to be there when he learns to spell and write his name and his first bike ride without training wheels, I need to be there when he first gets his learning license and I to be there to teach him how to drive. I am going miss so much and it will make him so sad when he can't share so many moments with me, what if his father doesn't remind him about me as he grows and he forgets I ever exited, "please let me live, I can't let Riley grow up depressed like me", I thought to my self. I began remembering all the events in my life, my mum teaching me to ride a bike at four, the birth of my sister when I was five, my fathers best friend, abusing me for the first time when I was six, my parents punching and yelling at me for trying to tell them what was happening at seven, the harassment I recieved for peers, Kristy knocking out my bully at the bus stop, failed partners most controlling and abusive, then came the memories of Riley, when he was just a bean in my belly till now, I am dying, with a real purpose, I am being permanently removed from Riley's life, from Kristy's life, I should have listened to her earlier but its to late, "good bye world" I thought.

The pain stopped as suddenly as it began, I don't think I hit the floor when I should have either, did Adam catch me or did I just die, "death is so quiet" I thought to myself, I decide to open my eyes, opening them slowly, I find myself staring at a white roof with a dimmed light in the center, I'm lying on my back, I was sure I fell forward, I move my eyes around as far as they could go and notice this is not my house, I sit up quickly and see a while and grey marble kitchen counter I look to my left and see a large TV, I then looked to my left and jumped back, there was a man in a white turtle neck t-shirt and grey sweat pants, his black hair was shaved on the sides with a bun loosely securing the long middle, he was sitting on a grey sofa with one hand holding a book and the other on his heart, he had a startled look on his face. This man looks so familiar, I squint my eyes a little before it hits me "Meng Ai Tian", I say quietly, feeling confused "how on earth did I get here, I must be dreaming" I thought. We sat there staring at each with both shock and confusion for several minute before I finally go up the courage to speak, "h-how did I get here", I stutter nervously, he tilts his head to the side as if to study me, "do you know English" I ask, he nods his head, he must be still shocked I guess. The grief of everything that has just occured finally reach my brain and I begin thinking of Riley, bringing my knees to my chest as tears begin to well up, "how will I get home to my boy, am I actually just dead and this is my afterlife, my baby with grow up without me" these words keep playing in my head and the tears get heavier, "hey, hey, don't cry", says Ai Tian in what I believe was a comforting tone, though his accent was a little strong so I could not tell, he gets up from his chair and walks towards me slowly, he seemed a little unsure on whether approaching me was a good idea but seeing that I was unmoving, he continued getting closer. When he was right infront of me, I did not dare look up, I watched as his arm came down towards me and I flinched away, he slowly retracts his hand back to his side and decides to get down to sit on the floor with me and begins to recount what he saw, " y-you just appeared here, out of nowhere," he says and I look at him, bewildered with an eyebrow raised " what do you mean I just appeared out of nowhere", I asked confused.

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