Chapter 09 - Dorian
When I realized that I liked Amelie, I decided that I would try to convince myself otherwise because, despite everything, there were many turbulent things in our realities. It was before the whole issue with EVE that I started to fall in love; we are still friends. However, when the personality problems started, I felt obliged to try to forget her, as it was difficult for me to deal with someone I couldn't stand. I mean, no one would want to be with a woman who worked as a stripper, so I would want her all to myself and not share her with several men, who were often no good. I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with that reality, even though I knew it wasn't Amelie who did it, but EVE. In a way, knowing Amelie as I did, I could say that she wouldn't like putting me in that situation, but in recent months, everything seemed different. The certainty of her feelings for me began to turn into doubt. I had never officially confessed, but I knew that I gave every possible sign of my feelings. Even Axel knew about them. I hoped she'd realized it by now.
When the incident happened, I started to get even more angry about the reality of EVE's existence. Amelie had a hard time, and I had to take her to therapy so that she could get over the trauma. I wasn't so sure that EVE needed to get over anything because, in my mind, she was just to blame for everything. Of course, Axel and I fought a lot about it, but out of respect, we stopped. Internally, I already hated EVE, but I pretended not to, so as not to create friction in our working environments. It bothered me to know that Axel wanted her. EVE didn't even exist. Amelie, who had been born, had been registered. Amelie existed.
After Amelie left us in the stockroom, we were intrigued. "I think we've crossed a line," Axel commented, shortly after she left.
"Maybe, but I don't think we're wrong to want some explanations," I replied. "I feel like we're losing her, I mean them," I commented.
"I meant you, didn't I?" he said. "Dorian, you're the one who doesn't take any action. It's always been like this. Do you know why you're not with her? Because you don't do anything," he said, leaving me in the lurch.
I thought about it for a few minutes. Admitting that Axel was right was complicated, but it was too true to ignore. Perhaps it really was the right time to start acting like an adult and saying and doing what I wanted. And I wanted Amelie. I wanted her badly.
Hours later, Amelie was acting as if nothing had happened. She treated her customers as she always had. Both the customers who were actually shopping in the store and the customers who wanted EVE were treated well. I'd always wondered how she managed to behave like that when she knew that at night, those men would be enjoying her body. Axel also continued to do his job, and I was still at the till, taking orders from shoppers and night customers. I felt disgusted with each one of them. Even I couldn't understand how I managed to disguise my discomfort as well as I did. It was the same at night. Perhaps I was more professional than I thought.
At the end of the day, I approached Amelie. "Can we talk?" I asked. I hoped she would say yes. "I really need to talk to you," I said.
"As long as it's not about Carbon," she said. Despite her words, it was clear that the anger had almost completely dissipated. It wasn't as if we didn't fight, but it seemed more serious this time.
I sighed deeply before answering. "It's about you and me," I said, without beating around the bush. "Have dinner with me before work, Amelie?" I asked.
"Why all of a sudden?" she wanted to know.
"Yes or no, Amelie?" I asked. She would accept. I knew she would.
"All right, Dorian," she said. "Let's finish closing up, and then we'll go. Tell Axel," she asked. And so I did. I went to the back, where he was.
"Axel. Amelie and I…", I started to say, but he didn't let me finish.
"I know, you're going out. I'm surprised you finally took action. I think I'm happy for you, but don't get cocky about it," he finished.
"I'm not convinced of anything. I'm only warning you because she asked me to," I confronted him. I didn't want him to treat me like that. In fact, I'd make sure I had more moments than he did. I'd wipe that smile off his face.
"As I said, good luck," he repeated. And then I left him alone.
Later, I was driving the car, with Amelie in the passenger seat. She looked beautiful, as always. It was amazing how the way Amelie dressed was completely different from the way EVE did.
"Sorry again," I said to her, making quick eye contact so as not to take my attention off the road. In a way, her presence was already distracting me. My feelings for her were still as strong as before.
"For what reason, exactly? As far as I can remember, there are several situations in which you can apologize," she told me, like a predator. Despite everything, she seemed completely calm, with no signs of being furious or upset about anything.
"I guess, for everything," I replied, without thinking too much but being honest.
"Very vague, Dorian," she said. "But anyway, I apologize," she said, laughing.
"I wish you'd smile more, Amelie," I said. "Since… everything, you don't smile anymore. Not like this," I commented. The Amelie before EVE was one person; the Amelie after EVE was another, and the one after the incident was even more different. Therapy was helping her, but it didn't seem to be enough.
"It's complicated, Dorian," she said. "You know I'm not alone. It's like everything I do is being watched. And the ironic thing is, it really is," she said, like a vent. "I don't know if I can end it, because I don't know if I want to either. The truth is that I'm trying to fit into the reality of coexisting because I don't think I could break up with EVE," she said, even more expressively.
"I wish I could say that I understand, and I wish I could say that it's okay, but I can't," I said sincerely. "The truth is, Amelie, I like you. I can't deal with EVE, but I really like you. It's been so long, and I just can't keep it to myself anymore. I want to be with you. So, if you want to allow yourself to be with me, let's have dinner and talk, but if you don't, I'll take you somewhere else, and we'll pretend this conversation never happened," I said, venting about everything and exposing everything internal that I possessed.
"Then stop the car, Dorian," she said seriously. I sighed deeply, feeling the rejection in her voice overflowing. I had always been sure of her feelings, but I couldn't complain about a rejection, after so long doing things that disappointed her. I had dug my own grave. It was entirely my fault.
"So, where to?" I asked, not facing her, but already accepting the rejection. I wanted to shorten the sadness of having to feel a direct rejection, so I asked where she wanted to go since she wouldn't be staying with me. "It could be anywhere," I said.
"Nowhere, Dorian. I really can't run away," she said seriously. "EVE is with me," she said, sighing. Then she looked at me and said, "But she's not the only one. You are too. And I've been waiting for this moment all this time," she said, moving closer. "I've been waiting for you. I can't promise anything either, and I'm not telling you that we're going to be together, but we can use the time we have together to figure out what we want," she said.
"That's fine with me," I said, also moving closer. I still didn't know my limits with her, if any, but I would regret it bitterly if I didn't do it.
Grasping her body gently, I brought her closer, and then let the warmth of my body take over hers. Her eyes slowly closed, and I realized how long I had waited for this. It was the right moment. Amelie, as surrendered as I was, made everything happen just as I had imagined. Our lips met, and I was in no hurry to taste her first taste. It was so sweet and sincere that if I'd had any doubts about what I was feeling, I would have died at that moment.