Read with BonusRead with Bonus

7. Claire: Decision

CLAIRE

This luncheon I’d set up with the women from the Ember Claw pack couldn’t have come around with worse timing if I had planned it that way. I consider cancelling lunch what feels like a hundred times as I go through the motions of dabbing on makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I hadn’t been able to sleep last night. Even now, yesterday's fight with James echoes in my mind. The aftermath of our fight stands as a stark reminder of how fragile our relationship has been from the very beginning.

No matter how long I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, there’s no amount of make up that can take away the haunted, bloodshot look in my green eyes from all of the crying I did last night. I spend more time with my hair than usual—tying back my tamed curls into something presentable—in an attempt to take the attention away from the unnaturally ashen sheen that’s overtaken my skin.

But no matter how many times I tell myself to just cancel the lunch, I can’t make myself do it. Over the past month, I went through more effort than I should have in order to turn this luncheon into something resembling perfect— perfect in a way the rest of my life will never be— that there’s no way that I can cancel it now.

For the past eighteen months of living in the Ember Claw Pack, I’ve painstakingly hidden behind the facade of pack duties. I’ve buried myself in menial tasks to avoid confronting the loneliness and the fractures taking root in every other aspect of my life. It's a distraction, a veil I draw over the truth that lingers beneath the surface. But after last night, there's no hiding anymore. At least the little details making up this lunch are something I can somewhat control, even if the rest of my world is falling around me in a raining ball of fire.

The sun hangs high in the sky, casting a warm glow over the park where the monthly luncheon is being held. Thankfully, I had spent the extra effort to have everything catered by one of the local cafes this month. Because of that, there are only a few details I need to put together when I arrive. Everything has been carefully planned— a testament to the effort I put into maintaining some semblance of normalcy in my life.

Laughter from the Ember Claw Pack's females fills the air, and the aroma of delicious food wafts over a gentle breeze. The tables are adorned with delicate floral arrangements and even though my stomach is in knots, the food looks delicious. The cafe really outdid themselves. Ambient music plays softly in the background—all crafted with precision.

I step through the park paths, careful of my heels in the gravel and grass. I check in with the caterers and go over my mental check list to make sure that everything is set. The centerpieces are out—check. The table clothes and silverware are polished and set out—check. The food and drinks are being unloaded—check. Everything is going as well as could be hoped for, but that doesn’t stop the churning in my gut and my hands from shaking as I work to steady my pounding heartbeat.

As I move through the park, checking that everything is in order, the strained atmosphere is palpable. The women of the pack maintain their usual polite distance from me. The same distance they’ve put between us since I arrived here after the wedding. I’d expected it at first— expected their distrust of an outsider, especially coming into their midst in such an unusual way. But even with all of the effort I’ve thrown into getting to know them, it hasn’t done much good.

There were a lot of whispers about me when I first arrived—rumors and suspicions revolving around my inability to Shift that I haven’t been able to shake off no matter how hard I try. The first few months after I arrived after the wedding, it was hard to avoid the whispered conversations about the legitimacy of my place among the Pack if I hadn’t Shifted yet. The speculations about if I would ever Shift or if their Pack would be stuck with a defective Luna for the unforeseeable future.

The gossip still happens, even all these months later, but I’ve gotten much better at ignoring it these days.

I shake off those thoughts, making the rounds among the tables, plastering on a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes. The friendly chatter continues, but it's a mere echo against the hollow backdrop of my scattered thoughts. I've become adept at maintaining composure, at playing the part of the dutiful Luna, but today, the weight of the truth threatens to pull me under.

No matter how hard I try, as I make my way around the park, I can’t stop looking between each of the women here, wondering who it is that has been sleeping with my husband…or more like how many.

I think I’m going to be sick.

I engage in polite conversation as I make my way through the tables, welcoming everyone and thanking them for coming. The words flowing more mechanically from my lips than usual. Thankfully, I don’t think anyone notices though. A group of females huddled together, engrossed in animated conversation, casts furtive glances my way.

I finally settle at a table with an empty chair, surrounded by faces set in polite smiles.

“Luna Claire, the luncheon is exquisite as always," one of the women says— I think I remember her name is Rebecca. Her face set into something cold and aloof, her polite expression strained.

"Thank you," I say, giving her a smile that I pray looks more genuine than it feels, “And thank you again for taking the time out of your busy schedules to come. I’m really glad you could all make it.”

There’s a long awkward pause after I finish speaking, as most of those around the table avidly avoiding my gaze. After a year and a half of these awkward pauses, I’ve gotten used to them. Luckily the silence is interrupted by the caterers dropping off plates of food to everyone at the table. I thank them as they finish. It looks delicious, but my stomach churns at the thought of eating right now. I pick aimlessly at my food as the conversation finally—thankfully— starts back up around me.

“Where’s Darcie?” One of the ladies at the table asks.

“Oh, didn’t you hear?” Another answers, “Darcie couldn’t make it.”

“Why? What happened?” Rebecca asks.

“She started her first heat cycle,” someone responds, “She’s off in the cabins with Marcus.”

“Good for her.”

“She’s lucky.”

“What do you mean?” Someone else asks.

“Oh, you know. That she went into her first heat cycle with someone she’s already in a relationship with. When I went through mine, I didn’t have anyone planned. It just happened out of the blue, so I had to go with someone I barely knew. Let’s just say it was more than a little awkward afterwards.”

A few of the other women at the table chuckle, another volunteering details of their own experience.

And while it’s all very casual, I suddenly feel like a fist has grabbed hold of something vital in my chest and squeezed. My breathing feels strained as my thoughts race. I haven’t been through my first Heat cycle yet. A Shifter Female’s first heat cycle usually happens a year or two after she Shifts for the first time. I’ve always figured that it would be something I’d worry about after I got used to the Shifting aspect of everything.

But now though…

Now the probability of me ever Shifting is slim to none. And if I never Shift what does that mean for everything else? And if I somehow do find myself in the situation of starting a heat cycle, what will I do? Will there ever be a chance of my being able to trust James for that? After everything that happened last night—after everything that’s happened since the wedding—I know any shred of trust that had existed between us is long gone. The hollow, nauseous feeling in my gut from earlier returns and I clench my lips together in an attempt to keep down the few bites of lunch I’d managed to force myself to take.

A gust of wind carries the laughter of children playing nearby, a stark contrast to the dark feeling drifting through me. I can’t hide from it forever. If I stay here, in Ember Claw, it’s James or nothing. I find myself grappling with the harsh reality that’s been staring me in the face since last night. And in the wake of it all, I can't help but wonder if the shattered pieces of my marriage can ever be pieced back together.

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter