Chapters

Rule 1- Always keep a spare tyre… or maybe two.

Rule 2- Gossip is like glitter, it spreads fast, sticks forever and explodes in your face when you least expect it.

Rule 3- Life's a costume party; the prize? A killer first impression.

Rule 4- Trying to keep everyone happy is like juggling marshmallows. It’s pointless, challenging and inevitably makes a mess.

Rule 5- Don’t be embarrassed about dropping your phone. You’re not clumsy, you just conducted a random gravity test and it still works!

Rule 6- Never assume things are obvious, unless you prefer to revel in the confusion of assumed understanding.

Rule 7- Avoid losing your keys by attaching them to a helium balloon. You won't lose them; they'll just be inconveniently floating near the ceiling!

Rule 8- Embrace context, it’s the punchline of communication.

Rule 9- When in doubt, assume everything is photoshopped.

Rule 10-The best way to win a fight is to avoid it altogether. It's like winning by default, but with significantly fewer bruises.

Rule 11- Always learn the correct way to behave. If you’re going to break rules, it should be on purpose.

Rule 12- You think you hate your alarm, but if you were going anywhere other than work you’d love it.

Rule 13- Don't invite debt into your life unless you want it to crash on your couch for months and eat all your good snacks.

Rule 14- Treat red lights like unexpected dance breaks in your epic carpool karaoke performance.

Rule 15- Never underestimate the power of a well-timed eye roll or a shared sense of humour when dealing with workplace absurdities.

Rule 16- Always carry sunglasses. They’re good for hiding from the sun AND for avoiding obsessed fans.

Rule 17- The internet is like a spooky forest. You should enter it warily and with a strong sense of caution.

Rule 18- Embrace the majestic power of a mug that says, "I'm ready to conquer the day"

Rule 19- Don’t expect too much when it comes to fast food. It rarely is as good as you remember.

Rule 20- When you're trying to sneak around, just remember, your parents have been playing this game a lot longer than you have.

Rule 21- When your computer starts giving you attitude, remember you have the ability to unplug it or just hit it with a hammer.

Rule 22- Improv skills are key. Just remember to always bring your charm along for the ride, and no one will ever suspect a thing!

Rule 23- Lying is only a problem if you get caught.

Rule 24- Rejecting someone is like ripping off a Band-Aid - do it quickly and don’t hesitate. The same rule applies to dealing with persistent salesmen.

Rule 25-If you have to ask yourself, "Is this a good idea?" it's probably not.

Rule 26- Your true best friend is the one who will be sitting next to you in jail saying ‘damn that was fun.’

Rule 27- If at first you don't succeed, try again. If you keep failing at the same thing, maybe it's time to try something else.

Rule 28-Visiting someone at work is like crashing their party; make sure you're invited, and if you're not, at least bring snacks.

Rule 29- If normalcy were a race, we'd all be sprinting in different directions. Embrace the chaos, it's more fun anyway.

Rule 30- If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Rule 31- Admire from afar. Chatting up the firefighter while your kitchen's burning won't impress anyone. Plus, they're kinda busy.

Rule 32- Never underestimate the power of a snack.

Rule 33- If trouble knocks on your door, pretend you're not home. Trust me, it'll get tired of waiting eventually.

Rule 34- Don’t go to bed unhappy, you never know if you’re going to wake up.

Rule 35- Remember, you can’t be brave without being scared first.

Rule 36- When all else fails, it’s time to call your dad and admit you need help.

Rule 37- Take breaks like a cat takes naps - frequently, unapologetically, and with complete disregard for anyone else's schedule.

Rule 38- Don’t trust that someone is being honest just because they aren’t lying.

Rule 39- Value those who take the time to lecture you; it means they care.

Rule 40- Don’t ask questions unless you’re confident you are ready to hear the answers.

Rule 41- Blood ties don't grant you magical powers, unless you count the power to embarrass yourself at family gatherings.

Rule 42- Always be kind. It may be small to you, yet still be a big deal to someone else.

Rule 43- Remember, winning is easy if you don’t care about playing fair.

Rule 44- Your real friends are the ones who know all your secrets and still choose to be seen with you in public.

Rule 45- When answering the door, remember: it's either a friend with pizza or someone selling something you don't need. Choose wisely.

Rule 46- It’s better to seek forgiveness than wait for permission.

Rule 47- If you break something you have three choices, fix it, hide it, or admit the mistake and face the consequences.

Rule 48- When boasting about your flying skills, remember: even chickens can flutter.

Rule 49- When your heel breaks, let out a dramatic gasp, then carry on like it's a catwalk audition for "Stumbling with Style."

Rule 50- Before falling in love, check for tripping hazards.

Rule 51-If you’re going to eat your feelings, make sure they're low in calories. Emotional baggage is heavy enough without the added weight gain!

Rule 52- If you're going to lie, at least make it a story worth telling.

Rule 53- Remember, just because you didn’t pay for something that doesn’t mean it won’t cost you.

Rule 54- The most important rule of any board game: blame the dice, not your terrible strategy.

Rule 55- If you can’t fix it with food or duct tape, it’s not worth fixing.

Rule 56- If you expect others to open up, be ready to share the key to your treasure chest first.

Rule 57- Looks lose their allure after a few days. So take your time.

Rule 58- Sometimes you just need to ask yourself, ‘do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’

Rule 59- No matter how nice the dinner, never underestimate the power of dessert

Rule 60- If life gives you lemons, try to find someone with tequila and salt.

Rule 61- Want to know someone's true feelings? Watch their friends.

Rule 62- If you hear ominous music, it's either a sign of impending danger or someone's just practising their violin. Either way, stay alert!

Rule 63- If you can't beat the crowd, join it.

Rule 64- Ladies don’t start fights, but they can finish them.

Rule 65- When in doubt, follow the locals... but if they're running away, then maybe reconsider your plans to hang around.

Rule 66- Avoid unwanted phone calls by pretending to be a telemarketer when answering your phone.

Rule 67- Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time. Stick to simpler emotions, like enjoying pizza. It's less complicated.

Rule 68- If you trip on the stairs, remember: the fall doesn’t define you, it's how you recover. And try not to spill your coffee.

Rule 69- Beware of bargains that seem too tempting; they often come with hidden costs.

Rule 70- Admitting when you're being unreasonable is like defusing a bomb; it's terrifying, but if you don't, things might explode in your face.

Rule 71- Before asking for someone's number, make sure you're prepared for the responsibility of responding promptly to their texts and keeping your phone charged.

Rule 72- If you're not sure if it's appropriate, send it anyway and blame autocorrect.

Rule 73- If you’re the fifth wheel: Embrace your role as the wild card - you add the spice, the unexpected twist, and sometimes, the comic relief!

Rule 74- Remember, it's not about how much you can drink, but how gracefully you can handle the aftermath. Also, hydration is key.

Rule 75- There's no problem that chocolate can't make at least a little better.

Rule 76- When hungover, drink plenty of water, eat something greasy, and don't make any major life decisions until you can remember your own name.

Rule 77- Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

Rule 78- If you're going to wear your heart on your sleeve, make sure it's stylish and matches your outfit.

Rule 79- When you’re unwell the only decision you should make is to choose between types of soup.

Rule 80- Don't expect food to fix your problems, unless the problem is hunger. Then, by all means, grab a snack and carry on!

Rule 81- When stuck on a problem, pause and come back with fresh eyes, OR obsess over it until you go insane. Your choice!

Rule 82- Being tired is your body's way of saying, "Please don't make any life decisions right now."

Rule 83- A single kind word can flip your day like a pancake—warm, sweet, and definitely more palatable.

Rule 84- Worrying is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.

Rule 85- If you must lie, take notes—your memory is no match for the wrath of someone who catches you.

Rule 86- Guilt is like that friend who shows up uninvited and overstays their welcome. Learn to show them the door when necessary.

Rule 87- Difficult choices are like puzzles—sometimes you have to put the wrong pieces together before the right one clicks.

Rule 88- Evil people are like weeds—ignore them, and they take over your garden; pull them up, and the view improves instantly.

Rule 89- People will believe a lie because they want it to be true, or because they’re afraid it’s true.

Rule 90- Making a clean break is like ending a mediocre movie—don't wait for a twist ending that won't come, just walk away.

Rule 91- Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but too much distance might make the heart forget why it was fond in the first place.

Rule 92- Sometimes the only way to get things done is to do absolutely nothing.

Rule 93- When in crisis, a hair makeover is cheaper than therapy.

Rule 94- If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.

Rule 95- Greed is like trying to hog the dance floor—you might get all the attention, but you'll be left dancing alone.

Rule 96- You can't truly hate someone without loving them a little first.

Rule 97- Sometimes you have to ask for what you want—if you don't, things might never change.

Rule 98- Opening someone else's mail is like opening a can of worms—messy, invasive, and you're likely to end up with some unwanted surprises.

Rule 99- When gift giving, it’s the thought that counts—but make sure your thoughts include a gift receipt just in case!

Rule 100- Dealing with liars is like playing poker—watch their tells and keep your cards close to your chest.

Rule 101- A kiss can convey affection, but it doesn't come with an instruction manual. Use responsibly; may cause heart flutters and irrational decisions.

Rule 102- If you're tired or emotional, postpone major decisions—unless the decision is to take a nap.

Rule 103- In disagreements, listen to understand, not to reload your next argument.

Rule 104- If you can't remember why you walked into a room, walk out and start over.

Rule 105- If at first, you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mum told you to in the first place.

Rule 106- If it feels like a trap, it probably is—bring snacks and proceed with caution.

Rule 107- Protective mothers are like bodyguards—you might not always want them around, but they're great at keeping you out of trouble!

Rule 108- If you're late, arrive with confidence—it distracts from your tardiness.

Rule 109- If you drop your phone on your face in bed, it's your cue to sleep.

Rule 110- Ghosts might be spooky, but remember, they're just trying to find closure—kind of like a really persistent ex!

Rule 111- Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.

Rule 112- -Never trust a silent pet. They're probably up to no good, and you'll find the evidence later.

Rule 113- It won’t matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying. Just thank the universe for the caffeine and move on!

Rule 114- Emotions are just life’s way of giving roller coaster rides. Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, and enjoy the thrill!

Rule 115- For every 10 questions a child asks, you get to ask one back. Warning: Their answers might be as confusing as their questions!

Rule 116- If someone you care about offers you a cuddle, always accept. It's like a free recharge for your soul.

Rule 117- The messier the desk, the more creative the genius—or so they say!

Rule 118- When flirting, maintain eye contact and throw in a compliment. OR, just blame it on the weather, "Is it hot in here?"

Rule 119- When making eye contact you have two choices, look away quickly or double down and turn it into a staring contest.

Rule 120- When you're in doubt, dance it out—even if no one else hears the music.

Rule 121- If it's glowing, don’t touch it unless you want to make a mess.

Rule 122- Subtlety is key, but if you can’t manage that, being blunt as a sledgehammer has its benefits too.

Rule 123- Never expect personal space if you have a cat. Your lap, keyboard, and bed are all part of their kingdom. Resistance is futile!

Rule 124- Avoid arguing with a fool; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Rule 125- Never interfere with a woman’s bath time. It’s her sanctuary- approach at your own peril, and bring offerings of chocolate!

Rule 126- You’re in charge of your actions, so own them- if you mess up, at least make it an entertaining story!

Rule 127- Every night, take a moment to appreciate your bed like it’s a five-star luxury suite. Fluff those pillows and dive in.

Rule 128- A dad’s job is to protect his daughter, like a knight guarding a princess. Always ready to defend her with love and strength.

Rule 129- Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep.

Rule 130- Best friends are like bras- supportive, always close to your heart, and there to lift you up when you need it most.

Rule 131- Remember, love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.

Rule 132- Remember, being paranoid doesn’t automatically make you wrong.

Rule 133- Know that it is impossible to truly hate someone unless you care about them first.

Rule 134- It’s never too late to look for a silver lining. Just because things are going wrong it doesn’t mean everything is.

Rule 135- Want to make friends? Be yourself, share your snacks, and always be ready with an emergency joke.

Rule 136- When you’re mad, grab a sponge and clean. Imagine the grime is everything that’s annoying you, and scrub it out of existence.

Rule 137- Holding onto anger is like gripping a cactus- let it go before it hurts you more than anyone else.

Rule 138- If your pet starts hiding your work shoes, it's time to give them some attention... or find a new job.

Rule 139- Remember the three D's: Dodge, Duck, and Disguise.

Rule 140- Always remember to turn your phone on silent before trying to be sneaky.

Rule 141- Death is the last page of your story, make sure every page is a tale worth telling.

Rule 142- Having someone you trust to make decisions for you is like having a guardian angel. Never take that for granted.

Rule 143- Being prideful is like wearing a too-tight crown, it looks impressive until it gives you a headache.

Rule 144- Loss is painful, it reminds us of what we had, but also teaches us to cherish what we still have.

Rule 145- Always be prepared for unexpected guests, keep snacks, a clean bathroom, and the nerve to kick them out when it’s time to leave.

Rule 146- Teamwork is like assembling a puzzle, each piece matters, and when everyone fits together, you create a masterpiece.

Rule 147- Guilt is like a nagging goblin, don’t let it take up space rent-free in your mind. Face it, and send it packing.

Rule 148- Never make decisions when you’re emotional, your brain on feelings is like a squirrel on espresso. Give it a minute!

Rule 149- Laughter is the best medicine, take a dose daily, no prescription needed, and side effects include happiness and abs workout!

Rule 150- All relationships are like snowflakes, each one is unique, beautiful in its own way, and prone to melting if not handled with care.

Rule 151- Life can be anticlimactic, so find joy in the mundane, sometimes the best moments are the ones that sneak up on you quietly.

Rule 152- Think of pros and cons like a game of tug-of-war, if the cons pull harder, it’s time to let go and find a new rope.

Rule 153- Dying may be your end, but it’s not for those left behind, live in a way that fills those memories with love.

Rule 154- Talking behind someone's back is like gossiping to a mirror, what you say will reflect back at you, so speak carefully.

Rule 155- Alone time is like recharging your phone, take the time to recharge, or you'll run out of juice when you need it most!

Rule 156- Things may seem obvious from the outside, but remember, spectators have a clear view and none of the pressure of playing the game.

One action can have many meanings—interpret with care, because what looks like a wave could be hello, goodbye, or just swatting a fly.

Rule 158- Family isn't just about blood, it's about who you can call at 2am to bail you out or to just bring emergency ice-cream.

Rule 159- Don’t overcomplicate things. Sometimes the hardest questions have the most simple answers.

Rule 160- When you love someone, make your feelings clear, don't drop hints like breadcrumbs, serve up your heart on a platter!

Rule 161- Trying new things is like jumping into a pool, even if it’s a bit chilly at first, you’ll be glad you did.

Rule 162- Learning is like going to a carnival, there's always something new, and sometimes the rides are wild, but they're always worth it!

Rule 163- When dating a girl, remember: her friends are the approval committee. Win them over, or prepare for an uphill battle!

Rule 164- Never underestimate a mother’s power, she’s like a detective, therapist, and cheerleader all rolled into one.

Rule 165- Honesty is like working out, awkward and sweaty at first, but keep at it and soon you'll be flexing your truth muscles!

Rule 166- Love and connections are like roots and wings, deep roots make you stable, and strong wings set you free.

Rule 167- Feeling discontent is like an itchy sweater, uncomfortable, but it might just push you to find something that fits you better.

Rule 168- Dropping by someone's home unannounced is like showing up to a party in pyjamas, fun, but they might not be ready for it!

Rule 169- The truth sets you free, think of it as your all-access pass to a life with no cover-ups or baggage fees.

Rule 170- The Final Chapter- Love is like fine-tuning a masterpiece, polish each other's rough edges, refine your strengths, and create a work of art.

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Rule 150- All relationships are like snowflakes, each one is unique, beautiful in its own way, and prone to melting if not handled with care.

Ashton joins us for breakfast then rushes off with four of the guards to hunt for the two remaining assassins. They’ve already lost half a day so he doesn’t hover around for long. I decide that it might be time to face the world today, or at very least my living room. Marcus and Lucy have been babys...