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Chapter 2

Lily

Finally, it was weekend, and I was planning to go to my mom’s house to pick up some nostalgia and photos. They might not go to help me figure out the mess my mom had gotten herself in, but I wanted to feel connected to mom again. I really didn’t like that it felt like she was a stranger and that I had not known her at all.

The drive to the house was short because it was Saturday and traffic was slow. Opening the door and walking in was one of the strangest things ever. I was half expecting mom to come out of the kitchen or to see her out in the garden. The house was eerily quiet, the only thing that I heard were my own footsteps. I was not going to stay here for long, so I started to collect what I wanted, and I decided to go through it in my own flat.

I knew that I needed to get my mom’s admin. I still needed to close off her subscriptions and such. I had never talked about any of this with my mom. “Mom where is your admin?”, I muttered to myself looking around the living room. I opened the big cupboard that was in the middle of the room as a start. Her administration was not in there, but I did find her recipes. I quickly flicked through them, and I found my mom’s recipe for Pasta Carbonara. I was definitely taking these home with me! Next up was the cupboard underneath her tv. Bingo! I took out the folders that had anything to do with any kind of administration that could be of use to me. Looking through the other stuff in here, I also found photo albums. I opened the top one to find my 5year old face staring back at me. I browsed through some of them quickly, and it had me getting melancholic and crying.

Wiping my tears away, I pushed them into the bags that I had taken with me. I got myself together and went upstairs. Maybe there was something that I was forgetting now. I opened the closet in her bedroom, and the smell of her hit me. It made me feel closer to her, but at the same time it was also a reminder that she was no longer there. Again, I wiped away my tears and found her jewelry box. My mom had never worn much jewelry, but it felt good to take the little pieces she had.

I let my hand go over her clothes, and I saw so many familiar pieces that I contemplated taking some of her clothes home with me. However, my rational side took over. What was I going to do with them? We were a different size entirely! I took some of her scarves instead. Then I remembered that my mom had a Chanel bag somewhere, so I did a more thorough search in her closet. “There it is!”, I mumbled when I spotted it on top of a box out of my reach. I pulled on the box to make the bag slide to me, but it didn’t. Instead, the box slid down with the bag still on top. I opened the box out of curiosity and saw many letters and papers. Quickly looking through them, I saw that it was a collection of things, and I guess it must have been important to her. I will just take it with me, so that I can look through it in peace at home.

Going through my mental list of things that I wanted to take when I went down the stairs, I figured out that I still needed to locate her laptop, tablet, and phone. “Where would she keep those?”, I mumbled to myself. I saw her handbag and found her phone inside. I looked through the living room to see where I hadn’t checked yet, but I came up empty. Walking around, I went over possible places to store in my mind. I had checked the entire house already except for the kitchen. I dreaded going into the kitchen, but there was no other option if I wanted to be thorough. So, I took a deep breath, and entered the kitchen. The tablet and laptop were on the kitchen counter, but I was fascinated by the floor. The floor where my mom had passed away.

I don’t know how long I had been standing there staring at the floor, but at some point, I got enough courage to take her laptop and tablet and leave. Tears were streaming down my face as I put everything I wanted to take with me in my bags and left the house. Leaving the house felt like I was putting more distance between us, but I really couldn’t bear staying there longer.

I was going through my childhood photos when I heard my phone ringing. Accepting the call and putting it on speaker allowed me to continue browsing. “Lils, you better clean up! Emma and I are on our way with food. Oh, and we are going out for drinks tonight and you are coming with us! See you in 5!” And just like that Norah hung up again. I just smiled at her antics.

“We brought pasta!”, Emma shouted when she and Norah entered my apartment. Quickly, I went into the kitchen to grab plates and cutlery, and I noticed Norah getting glasses and a bottle of wine. “What were you doing?”, Emma asked, flicking through the photos on the coffee table. “I went to get some stuff from mom’s house today. So when I got home I just got lost in the photo albums.”, I answered as I put some pasta on my plate and joined Emma on the couch, curling my legs underneath me. “Oh, you were a cute baby!”, Norah crooned, showing a photo to Emma.

“Lils, why are there only photos of you and your mom?”, Emma asked after a while. Our pasta was long gone, as was the first bottle of wine. “You know I’ve never known my dad.”, I answered. “I know that. But I mean grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins… Even family friends.”, she trailed off, flipping through the photos to find the one to prove her wrong. “I don’t know? I never really thought about it before.”, I said softly, biting my lip. It had always been just me and mom against the world. Of course, we had friends, but no other family members. Mom never really spoke about family.

“I only remember mom saying that my family was from Europe. I believe the Mediterranean?”, I said trying to remember what she had said exactly. But I couldn’t remember mom being clear and precise about it at all. “I don’t think I ever met my grandparents.”, I added. “Your mom also never remarried, right?”, Emma asked. “That is assuming she got married in the first place. Did she?”, Norah added. “I don’t know.”, I said quietly, a tad embarrassed that I didn’t even know these basic things. “I never met a man in her life. She always said that I was enough for her, she didn’t need anyone else.”, I said smiling at the memories. We truly had been independent women.

“Anyways, time for drinks!”, Norah said a little too loud. I don’t know if going out for drinks was really a good idea, but I did want to take my mind off of this and have some fun. “Adam is away and I’m horny as fuck. So, we are going to find you two some hot guys because I want to live vicariously through you!”, Norah said with a devilish grin on her face. She filled our glasses again with the last bit from the bottle as she spoke and clinked her glass to ours. Emma groaned a bit because Norah always gets what she wanted.

“So, let’s go find some hotties for you two!”, Norah shouted as we walked down the street towards our favorite bar. That comment alone earned her some catcalls, and some crude comments from random guys on the street. Norah was not the type to care about that though.

“I’m on a mission to find one for you Lils!”, she said as she linked our arms together almost skipping down the street. “About time you get laid again, I bet it is dusty down there.”, she laughed as I shook my head and covered my eyes with my hand out of embarrassment. “What about Emma? Can you pick on her?”, I pleaded with her.

Norah shook her head, “No, you are more fun to annoy, and Emma hooked up with someone two weeks ago. So, picking on her is not fair.”, she shared, skipping down the street and dragging me along with her. “Emma did what? Why don’t I know this?”, I asked, turning around to face Emma. “You were busy with your mom’s stuff and all. It just didn’t seem like the right time…”, Emma tried to explain. “Yeah, yeah, whatever! Share!”, I grinned.

We entered our favorite bar, ordered some drinks, and found a place where we could talk, but also still could look around. Somehow, we always started here. Get some drinks, catch up and then we go to a club to dance, if we still could that is.

I looked at Emma and motioned for her to share. “It is not that much of a story anyways.”, she started. “There was this group of guys, and he was cute and interested. We talked a bit, danced a bit and made out a bit.” “And fucked a bit!”, Norah added loudly. “So, was he any good?”, I asked grinning? “Nah, I’ve had better.”, Emma laughed. “So, my goal is to find a better fucker for Emma tonight. And as for you Lils, bad sex is better than no sex at all! There are too many cobwebs gathering in that pussy of yours.”, Norah said as she was already looking for her prey. Boy, did she know how to deliver a message…

Norah nudged us, “See those hips? The man can move!”, she said. “Have you looked at his face though? No way I’m having sex with him, girl!”, Emma grinned, looking at the guy Norah pointed out. Here in the dark we felt confident and safe, but when push came to shove, we really were not that promiscuous. I think. “Time to go dancing!”, Emma announced, and she grabbed me and Norah and dragged us out of the bar to a club. Time to let our hair down and dance our sorrows away!

Laughing at a smartass comment Emma made, we found a spot on the dance floor. I was glad to be able to let go of all my worries and questions and to have fun, even if it only was temporarily. I really wasn’t here to find a guy for sex, even though Norah kept pointing to potential options. At some point, the ‘finding someone for sex’ became more of a joke, but I just wanted to dance and to let my body move. It wasn’t meant to be seductive or to get attention, it was for me.

At some point Emma nudged me with her elbow in my side. “Ouch!”, I exclaim and rubbed the spot. Emma didn’t notice though. “Look there, at the balcony!”, she yelled over the music. My eyes went to the balcony, while continuing to dance.

The balcony was crowded by a group of men. Tall, dark and handsome men. “All of them look amazing.”, Emma said to me, “Any of them will do.”, she laughed, and she tore her eyes away to continue dancing. I looked up once again, straight into a pair of clear blue eyes. For a few seconds, that seemed like minutes, nothing else seemed to exist and we moved in slow motion. It was like the music was gone, and all the people had left. Given the distance it seemed unreal, but I know I wasn’t dreaming. Subconsciously, I licked my lips, and it seemed like he was affected by it, almost like he swallowed a lump in his throat. I closed my eyes for a bit and shook my head to make sure I wasn’t making things up in my mind. He was still there looking at me when I opened them again. Then I noticed someone whispering something in his ear, while he took a sip of his drink, but never taking his eyes off me. He nodded, downs his drink in one gulp and pushes himself away from the balcony. Only at that point did he tear his eyes away from me.

I hoped they were coming down to the dance floor, but somehow I knew they would not. I dragged Norah and Emma to the bar for some tequila shots and more wine. I needed more drinking and dancing to forget about those eyes. Yeah, as if.

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