Desire

As I had suspected, when I left Matteo’s room, he was no longer in the apartment. I felt terribly embarrassed about having to tell my friends that we were no longer welcome in the professor’s apartment.

“What happened between you and Matteo?” Jennifer asked immediately. “He seemed upset when he left.”

I had thought long and hard about how much of the situation with Matteo I should reveal, but I wasn’t willing to expose myself more than absolutely necessary. Even though Benny could very well spread among our friends what he had seen while in bed with us, I still didn’t intend to jump the gun.

“We had a little disagreement this morning,” I said, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I recalled what really happened. “He said some things I didn’t like, and I plan to go back to the hotel.”

Jennifer, visibly disappointed, bombarded me with questions I had no intention of answering. As she lamented, I noticed Benny’s absence.

"Where’s Benny?" I interrupted Jennifer’s string of questions.

"He left with Professor Lucchese," Johnny replied calmly.

He was lounging comfortably on the couch while Jennifer occupied the space next to him, his legs resting on her lap. Meanwhile, I stood awkwardly, feeling out of place in Matteo’s apartment. The urge to leave as quickly as possible consumed my thoughts.

"I imagine he plans to stay here with Lucchese," Jennifer voiced the same suspicion I had. "We’d better pack our things and head back to the hotel."

"Yes, I agree. Let’s get it done," I replied, silently grateful that Jennifer had decided to stop pressing me for answers.

"Are you coming with us, Johnny?" Jennifer took the initiative again.

I also wondered if Johnny would follow Benny’s example and stay to enjoy the comfort of our professor’s hospitality. However, Johnny stood up from the couch at her question, looking resolute.

"We came here together, and we should stick together, don’t you think?" he declared firmly.

Jennifer and I nodded in agreement, though it was clear Benny felt differently. Perhaps it was for the best—a way to discern who was truly on our side.

As planned, we returned to the hotel and tried to make the most of the remaining days of Carnival. At least I pretended to enjoy myself, as Matteo dominated my thoughts at every moment. We didn’t see him again during the last day of Carnival, and I silently thanked the universe for that. I didn’t want to witness any scene where he was with someone else in the same way we had been during our time together.

The last day was filled with intense fun for my friends, who seemed to fully enjoy the lively parades. The following morning, however, the excitement of the previous days took its toll; we all woke up late and nearly missed our flight back to Curitiba.

I doubted whether Benny would return with us on the same flight, but when we arrived at check-in, there he was, standing in line at the airline counter, ready to board. Our seats were assigned side by side, with Jennifer taking the third seat in the row. The flight passed in complete silence. Both Jennifer and Benny slept through the entire journey, leaving me alone with my thoughts and reflections on the recent events.

I needed to brace myself for returning to the same routine as before—filled with work and evening classes at the university. I wasn’t ready to talk to Jennifer about my fallout with Matteo, but I knew I’d have to confront it eventually. Jennifer and I had been friends for years, since we started college, and she had even helped me land a job at the same company where she worked.

Jennifer held a trusted position at Hickmann & Werneck, a firm owned by two partners, Vincent Hickmann and Thomas Werneck. She was Thomas’s secretary, and when an opening came up to work as an assistant to Vincent’s secretary, the company’s CEO, she didn’t hesitate to recommend me, proving our friendship extended beyond the university.

By the following Monday, we’d be back together again, at work and in school. I had exactly five days to prepare myself to deal with the lingering shame and disappointment that had followed me since the moment Matteo left me alone in the bedroom, clearly upset by my refusal to join him and Benny in a threesome.

I just hope I’ll be ready by then.

Isadora

To my relief, Jennifer and I didn't comment on anything about what had happened during those carnival days, and routinely returned, bringing calmness to our lives. Maybe the right word wasn't calmness I thought, while sighing in frustration with all the work on my desk, not to mention what needed to be done on the computer.

I avoided complaining about my job, considering that the opportunity to work as a secretary for one of the company's CEOs was something incredible in terms of my career. Considering I'm only twenty-two years old and about to graduate from the administration course, that job provided me with excellent experience for my resume.

The position required a great deal of dedication and commitment. Although I only had a fixed time to enter the company, I could never be sure of the time I would leave. It was common for me to need to work late and even on weekends, especially when bureaucratic emergencies arose that required my immediate assistance from my boss, Mr. Hickmann.

However, the salary was truly excellent, and regardless of the job's demands, I was happy with the benefits offered at H&W, as we called the company. Being Mr. Hickmann's assistant was by far the best job I could have, despite the sacrifices I occasionally had to make in my personal life.

Today promised to be a busy day, as my boss's schedule was filled with meetings with investors. On these occasions, I always had to do my best to meet all his requests.

Mr. Hickmann was known for his demanding nature, not only with employees but also with himself. He always expected perfection from everyone around him.

However, it seemed that it wasn't just my boss who was demanding and perfectionist. Jennifer, who was Mr. Werneck's secretary, a man I considered handsome and extremely polite, also shared her complaints about his demands. She used to tell me about all the demands not only for her but also for the entire team responsible for new contracts.

Jennifer had already mentioned her desire to resign, but she resisted due to the salary, which was above average for her role, and she knew it would be difficult to find another company that offered the same benefits as H&W.

Despite the stack of work on my desk, I checked the time on the clock and realized I needed to hurry to join Mr. Hickmann for his first meeting of the day. After making sure everything was perfect with my appearance, I checked once again if my makeup was subtle enough not to draw attention to myself and smoothed out my severe bun.

I went through the same routine with my moss-green dress, which had a knee-length hem and a discreet neckline, displaying the company logo on the right side of the chest. I concluded that I was perfectly aligned with H&W's standards and headed to my boss's office to start another challenging and rewarding day of work.

∞∞∞

As always when our schedules coincided, I was now having lunch with Jennifer. We took the opportunity to gossip a bit about our favorite topic: celebrities' lives.

However, Jennifer soon started complaining again about her boss, for the tenth time just that week. I felt uneasy because, while I used to find her complaints tiresome before, that day I was so exhausted that I even mentally agreed with her on some points. Although I didn't express my grievances as Jennifer did, I also felt drained by work.

The weeks of work and classes at college have been quite tiring, and the fact that I haven't been able to sleep properly was making everything even more complicated. The truth is, despite my attempts to avoid running into Matteo, it becomes impossible when we have classes together.

Seeing Matteo throughout the entire class, hearing his voice explaining the subject to the class, reminded me of our moments together, and the sensations it stirred up in me were at least embarrassing. I got excited just by hearing him, and that's ridiculous.

Everything becomes even more complicated when I have an almost nonexistent social life. When I wasn't working or studying, I was too tired to go out, and my friends didn't even invite me anymore, complaining that I never had time for anything.

It had been weeks since I had a date with an interesting guy to do something together, something I used to love. But now there's the Isadora before Matteo and the Isadora after Matteo. He had raised my expectations to a level that was hard to reach, and that made the task of forgetting him even more difficult.

This situation was stressing me out, I have to admit.

In an attempt to change the subject and avoid the conversation being limited to just work, I mentioned how I missed having a romantic encounter, meeting someone interesting, and simply enjoying some moments together.

"I still have that neglected aspect of my life," Jennifer lamented. "It's been ages since I've had sex with anyone. I'm climbing the walls already."

"Me too, friend," I had to agree because it was true, and we ended up smiling at our calamitous situation. "Besides work, there's still college. There's not much time left."

"But you're also quite the goody two-shoes, Isa," Jennifer teased, laughing at the look of dismay on my face. "Before Carnival, I could never imagine you casually hooking up with anyone."

"But with Professor Matteo, I did it without thinking twice!" I expressed my disgust aloud.

Only after letting those words slip did I realize I had brought up a topic I had been avoiding since we returned from Carnival, and I immediately regretted it.