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7. Kitten to Kitty

I wake up with a sudden jolt and feel the wetness of sweat rolling behind my ears. I hear my heart pounding in my chest as I breathe in short, with panicking gasps.

I was back in that moment, three years ago. In that car crash, which changed my life forever.

I was back in that driver’s seat and I could see the flash of another car getting brighter and closer, before it collides right into mine with a speed of jet.

I could still hear the crunch of metal and feel the impact of my head hitting the glass window while my ribs take all the poundage of the crash.

I look around as I try to orient myself where I am, but everything seems unfamiliar. It takes me a moment to realize that I am in my own bedroom, not in that hospital room where I had woken up after the accident.

My hand reaches below my heart and I feel my bones in place. All five of them.

Thank god! Nothing happened. It was just a dream. Another nightmare. I am fine.

I am all fine.

My ears ring with loud beeping sound and with trembling hands, I turn off the alarm system, which monitors my daily panic attacks and nightmares.

Fuck!

Sweat beads up my forehead and I rub it with my cold palms. My heart is still hammering inside my chest like a drilling machine and I check for heart meter on my watch.

It’s 177 beats per minute. Shit.

I take a deep, shaking breath and try to calm myself, but the fear is still there, lurking just below the surface of my skin.

I continue to breathe in and out, till I feel my flesh again.

I thought I was done with these dreams, and sudden jerks in my sleep. But like a shadow, the darkness doesn’t leave me. They grow thicker and darker when I run towards the light.

My feet touch the cold floor and chills run up my legs. I look at my watch again, it’s 4:40 in the morning. I woke up twenty minutes before my schedule.

I go through the sleep tracking app and monitor my bed activity. Moderate with four hours and eight minutes of sleep with three sudden hypnic jerks. Hmm.. Not bad!

It’s the last one that woke me up.

I stand up from the bed and groan. My back feels sore with constant working and I stretch my spine.

Fuck! I am tired.

The second hardest thing after having a sleep is waking up. Coz I feel like to just die every second of the day. Except, when I am working.

Working and working out. That’s the only counteract to my destructive thoughts.

I push myself to run five miles daily, do a hundred pushups, pull ups and some sets of bench press, before I get in for a hot bath.

Warm water falls from all sides as I stand in the shower and think about the dream I had. My doctor tells to keep a record of all my bad dreams, but they all seem same. I keep seeing death in every unconscious hallucination I get.

I gulp antidepressants, mood stabilizers, reuptake inhibitors, atypical medication, and multivitamins. In total, I take seven pills and hope I don’t die today.

I look up in the mirror and gaze deep into the man who is looking back at me. His forehead has creases, and eyes have dark circles.

I am exhausted till my last breath.

But I can’t give up when I have just started working. I own a six hundred million dollars company with three hundred employees working under me.

I can’t afford to be negligent even for a day.

I can’t afford to die.

Not now.

By 8:00 AM, I am dressed up sharply in a suit, making sure every detail is perfect.

I know appearance is important, especially for a CEO like myself.

I go downstairs and have my breakfast, washing it down with a cup of black coffee. De-cafed, because I am already in a relationship with insomnia.

I take a few minutes to review world business and financial news channels, before I head for my throne. This is my office. Not to mention, right on time.

Being a boss, I have a reputation to uphold, and it starts with being punctual.

After reviewing my schedule for the day, I check my emails, making sure I am fully prepared for what is about to come.

But suddenly, my perfect life and my mind glitches, as my eyes catch a response from Pegasus Publication.

‘Thank you for your acknowledgement.

Of course! Emara Stone has been signed exclusively with our publication, and we are working on printing her book.

P.S. Will send you the first fresh copy of her novel if you would like ;)’

So I wasn’t hallucinating..

She really came to take my interview.

She really sat there, on my couch, in her black skirt and red top.

I hiss taking a deep breath as I recall her feminine figure and blushing face. She quite beautifully turned from a kitten to kitty in these past three years.

But I am not that same man either. This time, I wouldn’t let her go that easily.

She has to pay for what she did to me. I’ll make sure to turn her worst fears into reality.

I’ll be her nightmare. Just like she has been mine.

Everything in me hates her so mu-

  • Knock Knock *

I jolt back to reality, and the room is empty once again. The couch is unoccupied and I sigh, feeling the weight of her absence.

“Come in.”

Stacey, my secretary walks in. “Sir, your schedule for today comprises of three meetings, and one-”

“DO NOT SIT THERE!” I growl at her as she was about to sit on the spot where Emara sat.

“Oh-I am- I sorry.” Stacey stutters. Her face drips with a sheer expression of horror and I curse myself.

Why the fuck did I do that?

Because she was about to sit there.

I know.

“Just mail me the schedule. I’ll let you know the changes.” I tell her and watch her exit my cabin hurriedly.

Whole day I keep looking at that one spot, where Emara was sitting. I don’t want anyone to sit on her place ever again.

I keep imagining that she is still there, smiling at me and reading for me from her notebook. Her sweet voice echoes in my ears like a ghost and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

As if she hacked the files of my mind and every word seems blur in front of me, making no sense. Except her face.

And her eyes.

My heart begins to thrust wildly in my chest as I remember the way her eyes looked at me after reading every question, and the blush on her cheek and the slow bite of her lip.

Fuck!

I lean back in my chair, feeling irritated. My meeting with project leads are pending and my work is left untouched, since yesterday. Since she walked in.

This is not me. I am not irregular with my tasks and probably never struggled to focus.

Focus has always been my strongest point. When I want something, I have it anyhow.

But right now, I feel defeated as I don’t even remember easy stuff like eight’s table.

Fuck!

I need to get her out of my system.

I need to get hazel eyes and pinky cheeks out of my fucking mind.

My watch vibrates with a reminder and Black&White club notification pops up.

Oh! It’s that night today.

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