Chapter 19

Lea gave a small nod, her gaze still focused on their joined hands. For years, she had heard everyone refer to it as an accident. A chance thing, a driver error that had gone horribly wrong. Her memory might have been patchy for months after the crash, but one thing she had always known was that it hadn’t been a simple driver error. “It wasn’t an accident.” She brought her gaze back to his, her voice tighter, her throat tighter. “It was a deliberate car crash.”

Dave’s hand stilled on hers, his eyes widening in alarm. “What do you mean?” His tone was hollowed out, echoing with shock.

“My father wanted to kill us all. He drove the car into the tree because my mother told him she wanted to leave him.”

“Oh, Lea, I'm so sorry." Dave’s hand gripped hers as if he were trying to anchor her to him. To stop her from being swept away by a tide of distressing memories. ‘I can’t imagine the panic, fear, and pain you must have gone through. What a cowardly act. A disgustingly cowardly act.’ His voice was full of cutting contempt for her father and deep concern for her.

Lea rolled her eyes in a tell-me-about-it manner. “I certainly didn’t win the father lottery, that’s for sure. Or the mother one, although I think she would’ve had a much better chance of being a better mother if she hadn’t married my father. His influence was destructive and damaging, but by the time she got the courage to leave him, it was too late.”

Dave brushed back some imaginary hair off her forehead, his gaze steady and compassionate. “The more I hear about your childhood, the more I admire you. You’ve done an amazing job of overcoming those terrible experiences.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my aunt's and your family’s help,” Lea said. “I know your grandparents were old-school Scots, but their hearts were in the right place. I’m not sure how my life would’ve turned out if I’d stayed too much longer in foster care. I was there for a few weeks after I came out of rehab until Aunt Elsie got official guardianship of me. Some of those group homes were pretty terrifying. Damaged kids damage other kids.”

She shook her head, trying to shake away the memories of the past.

“I know not all foster homes are awful, but it’s not the same as belonging to your own family.” She twisted her mouth and added, “Not that my family was anything to crow about. My father was an angel in public but a bullying devil behind closed doors. He claimed to love us, but he didn’t know the meaning of the word.”

“And your cousin, Tyler, didn't know about it? He could help, you know.”

“No…Tyler. Chase and I weren't that close. Not until recently.”

She flopped back down against the pillows with a heavy sigh. “Now I’m going to shut up about my childhood. I’m probably boring you.”

Dave turned her hand over and traced a slow line across her palm. “You’re not boring me at all," he said, locking his gaze on hers. “In fact, I find you one of the most interesting and intriguing people I’ve ever met.” He drew a circle on her palm this time, the lazy movement of his finger sending shivers shooting up and down her spine.

Lea sucked in an uneven breath, her insides coiling with desire. She could see the same desire reflected in his sapphire-blue gaze. Desire that sent a current through the air like high-voltage electricity. She disguised a swallow, her heart picking up its pace, her pulse sprinting.

“Will you stay with me until I go back to sleep?” The question popped out almost before she knew she was going to say it. Her cheeks grew warm, and she lowered her gaze and bit down on her lower lip, pulling her hand out of his and burying it under the sheet covering her lower body.

“Forget I said that. I’m old enough to get myself back to sleep.”

A silence ticked past. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Dave stood from where he was perched on the side of the bed, but he didn’t leave. “Scoot over,” he said, gesturing with his hand. “I’ll lie on top of the covers, though.”

Lea gave him a wry look. “Don’t you trust me?”

His expression was grim. “I don’t trust myself.”

It was a while before Lea fell back to sleep, but when she did, it was deep, peaceful, and dreamless. She woke as dawn was breaking, the sun stealing into the room, casting the bed in a golden beam of light as direct as a spotlight. She was lying on her side with the warm band of Dave’s arm wrapped around her middle and one of his strong, muscular legs flung over hers.

Sometime during the night, he must have joined her under the bedcovers, but she had no clear memory of it. But now she was acutely aware of every part of his body where it was in contact with hers—his hard chest against her back, his strong thighs against her bottom, his arm across her waist. His head was resting on top of hers, his breathing deep and even, each of his expelled breaths gently feathering her cheek.

He shifted position slightly, his arm tightening around her middle to draw her closer and his other hand skating over one of her breasts. Even through the light barrier of her silk pyjama top, she could feel the outline of his broad male hand. Could feel the erratic leap of her pulse at his intimate touch. Could feel one of his hair-roughened thighs coming between hers, triggering a firestorm in her female flesh.

He gave a low, sleepy murmur. "Mmm, you feel nice.”

Lea knew she should wake him, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. No one had ever held her like this. She had never experienced the warmth and comfort of a lover’s touch. Was it wrong of her to want to break the rules he had laid down? She moved her legs experimentally against his, enjoying the feel of hard muscle and rough masculine hair against her smoother skin. His hand came back to her breast, cradling it with exquisite gentleness, his thumb rolling back and forth across her tightening nipple. Tingling sensations rioted through her body, from her breasts to her feminine core. Her breathing stalled, her belly swooped, and her senses reeled.

Lea turned in his arms, and he opened his eyes, swore not quite under his breath, released her, and sat upright.

“Sorry.” His apology was brief, brusque, and bruising to her ego.

“It’s okay, Dave,” Lea said. “You didn’t do anything.”

He rubbed a hand down his face, the sound of his palm scratching across his morning stubble loud in the echoing silence. “You should have woken me.” His tone was gruff, his eyes haunted with guilt and self-loathing.

Lea rolled her eyes. “Oh, for goodness’ sake. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I enjoyed sleeping next to you. I enjoyed you holding me.”

His mouth was set in a taut line. “This has to stop.” He sprang off the bed as if it had just poked him. “I have to stop.” He said it not quite under his breath, as if he were reminding himself, not her.

Lea pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “Why do you have to stop?”

Whoa! What did you just say?

But her conscience wasn’t listening, and neither was her traitorous body. It was awake and wanting. Why shouldn’t they explore the chemistry they shared? She could be casual about the time limit on their relationship, couldn’t she? And maybe, just maybe, the time limit would become irrelevant…

“You know why.”

“Because you feel you’d be betraying your ex’s memory?’

He frowned as if she had started speaking in a foreign language. “No. Of course not. It’s not about her.”

“So it’s me then. It’s because it’s me.” Lea couldn’t quite remove the note of despondency in her tone.

He speared a hand through his hair and gave a rough sigh. “It’s me. Me not wanting to hurt you in the long run. Sex can be casual, and God knows I’ve had plenty of it. But it wouldn’t be casual between us. You know it wouldn’t. It couldn’t be. We already have an existing relationship, and building sex onto that would make things way more complicated when the year is up on our marriage.”

Lea straightened her legs, crossed her ankles, and folded her arms across her chest. “But what if we decided not to end it after a year? We might decide to extend it for a bit long—”

“No.” His sharply delivered word was as stinging as a slap. “We’re not doing that, Lea. The rules are there for a reason.”

“I think the rules are there because, deep down, you want more than you’d like everyone to believe,” Lea said. “You’re still punishing yourself because of Susannah’s death. It’s understandable—it was a terrible tragedy to lose the love of your life. But you’re entitled to have a life, even though hers has gone. You deserve to have some measure of happiness, even if it won’t be on the same level as before.”

Dave muttered a thick curse and speared her gaze with his hard and glittering one.

“She wasn’t the love of my life. There, that’s shocked you, hasn’t it? I thought I loved her at the start, but then I started to feel less certain. I knew something wasn’t right between us, but I put it down to my preoccupation with work. I had a few big projects going on and I travelled a lot, and, to tell you the truth, I enjoyed coming home to someone who always seemed happy to see me. I think because I was away so much, it took me longer to realise how unsuited we actually were. But when I finally realised it, I should have ended it then and there, but her emotional fragility had started to worry me. I stupidly let our relationship limp along for the rest of the year, but, as it turned out, I was right to be worried.”