Chapter 28

Lea touched his face with the soft palm of her hand, her expression full of concern. ‘Oh, Dave, it's not your fault. Stop being guilty. Maybe Mary tricked you into marrying me, but it seems like you’ve had to be strong for everyone else here in the castle. I may not have known you long enough, but it’s in your nature to take control and make sure everyone is okay before you see to your own needs. But your needs are important too. You can’t put them on hold forever.’

Dave cradled one side of her face with his hand, his other hand still holding her hand anchored to his thigh. ‘Lea, how’d you get to be so wise and wonderful?’

Something passed through her gaze, and she lowered her eyes to focus on the region of his collar. ‘I’m not that wonderful…’ She bit her lip, and a frown pleated her smooth brow.

He lifted her chin, so her gaze came back to his. ‘Hey. Why do you think that?’

Her expression faltered as if she were in two minds over answering. But then she gave a jagged sigh and spoke in a muted and flat tone. ‘When my parents died in the car crash, I didn’t grieve for them. Not the way other kids would have grieved. I pretended to grieve because that’s what everyone expected. But I was a fraud because I was secretly relieved I didn’t have to live that chaotic life with them anymore.’

Her mouth tightened, as if the memories were almost too painful to speak out loud.

‘The drugs, the drink binges, the violence—I hated my life, and I hated being first-row witness to what my mother’s life had become. But I couldn’t do anything to make it better for her. But the “accident—”’ she did the air quote gesture with her fingers ‘—changed my life forever, and I was glad. I was actually more relieved that I didn’t have to have my leg amputated than I grieved for my parents. How sick and screwed up is that? I think that makes me a bad person. A terrible person.’

Dave hugged her tightly against his chest, resting his chin on the top of her head. ‘You’re not any such thing, sweetheart. You were a neglected and maltreated little girl who deserved a much better start in life. My heart aches for what you went through. But you should be proud of how you’ve coped. For what you’ve done with your life.’ He eased back to blot the tears from beneath her eyes with his thumbs. ‘What you’re doing for others in your mother’s situation is a wonderful way of breaking the cycle. It’s your legacy for her memory, and I’m sure she would be so very proud of you.’

Her lips flickered with a wry smile. ‘Gosh, this sofa has become confession central lately, hasn’t it? What is it about a roaring fire and a cosy atmosphere that gets under one’s guard?’

It hadn’t just lowered her guard—Dave had never been so open with anyone before. It was a strange feeling—a feeling he wasn’t sure he could or wanted to name. He framed her face in his hands and brought his lips within a breath of hers. ‘I don’t know but it sure feels pretty damn good.’ And he covered her mouth with his.

A few days later and too many events and parties later, preparing for Christmas at the castle had always been one of Lea’s favourite pastimes, but with Dave there to offer his assistance, it took her enjoyment to a whole new level. He helped her select a tree from the forest on the estate, and with two of the grounds staff’s help, it was transported to the largest sitting room in the castle.

In the past, Lea and her great-aunt had done the decorating of the tree, especially in later years, and Dave’s grandfather had been too infirm to do much more than sit and watch and offer suggestions about where a bauble or strip of tinsel should be placed.

They were in the sitting room, putting the last touches on the tree, Dave standing on a ladder while she held it steady so he could place the porcelain angel, which had been in the McLaughlin family for six decades, at the top of the tree.

‘There,’ he said with a note of satisfaction in his voice. ‘Let’s hope she makes it through one more festive season, but I seriously think we might have to get a new one for next year.’ He climbed down the ladder and began tidying up the boxes in which the decorations had been stored.

Next year? Lea mentally gulped. We?

There would be no ‘we’ next year. Their marriage would have ended in October, as Dave had planned from the start. Or would it? He had been so wonderful to her over the last few weeks. Attentive and loving—yes, loving. Surely it wasn’t just an act? There was nobody around to witness it, as Aunt Elsie had extended her holiday, and the other Bellbrae staff were mostly casual and weren’t in the castle much but were working in the outbuildings or grounds.

Dave turned with two empty boxes in his arms and frowned at her expression. ‘Hey, what’s wrong, sweetie?’

'Nothing.' Lea bent down to pick up a tiny strip of silver tinsel off the carpet.

He put the boxes down, came over to where she was standing, and brushed his finger across her lower lip. ‘If you keep chewing your lip like that, it will bleed, and then I won’t be able to kiss you.’

Lea forced a quick, no-teeth smile. ‘I guess I’m just a bit tired.'

He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, his gaze so dark that it was hard to tell where his pupils began and ended. ‘Is your leg hurting you? You’ve been doing way too much, and that walk to the forest to get the tree was a bit rough in places.’

‘My leg is okay, mostly,’ Lea said. The chronic neural pain she suffered from was still there, but she was less conscious of it. She still limped because one leg was shorter than the other, but she realised she had become almost oblivious to the slight awkwardness of her gait. ‘I think you’ve helped distract me from the discomfort.’ She put her arms around his waist and smiled properly this time. ‘Now, we need to find some mistletoe to hang over the doorway.’

Dave’s eyes twinkled. ‘Who needs mistletoe?’ He lowered his mouth to hers in a long, drugging kiss that made Lea’s senses sing. It was silly of her to keep filling her head with doubts over the future. It was silly of her to listen to alarm bells ringing in her head, except they weren’t in her head.

Dave lifted his mouth off hers and cocked his head. ‘Is that your phone or mine?’

‘Mine.’ Lea slipped out of his loose hold and picked up her phone from one of the lamp tables where she’d left it earlier. She glanced at the caller ID, smiled, and answered the phone. ‘Hi, Isla. How are you? I was going to call you and—’

‘Guess what?’ Excitement and joy sounded in Isla’s voice.

Lea’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Oh, my God, you’ve had the baby?’

‘Yes, a little girl,’ Isla said. ‘She was in a big hurry to get here—almost three weeks early—and I was only in labour for two hours. Rafe was beside himself, trying to get me to the hospital in time. We’ve called her Gabriella Marietta Lea. I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s adorable. Rafe is completely and utterly smitten.’

Tears came to Lea’s eyes, and her chest swelled with love for her friend. ‘You named her after me? Oh, my goodness, I don’t know what to say.’

‘Say you’ll be her godmother,’ Isla said. ‘And we’d like Dave to be her godfather. We would be so honoured to have you both as Gabriella’s godparents.’

Lea pictured Dave standing with her at the christening font, agreeing to spiritually sponsor their godchild. It was such an honour for any couple. And since they had become more of a connected couple than before, it seemed like the perfect cementing of their relationship. Didn’t their increasing closeness signify a more promising future together? There were times when she was almost certain he loved her. He hadn’t said it, but his body, his gaze, and his touch said it for him. And didn’t hers tell him much the same?

‘We would be delighted to,’ Lea said. ‘I can’t wait to meet her in person. Can you put the face camera feature on so I can see her now?’

‘Here we go.' Isla did the necessary button-pressing, and the real-time camera showed a tiny pink bundle cradled in her adoring father’s arms.

Lea was so overcome with emotion once she got off the phone that she could barely speak. Happy, joyful emotion. Jubilation for her friend and for the love and security she had found in Rafe. That was what she wanted with Dave. Lasting love, a family. Building a harmonious home life together. ‘Gosh, I can’t believe I’m a sort of aunt. And a godmother.’ She turned to Dave and smiled. ‘Did you hear? We’ve been invited to be Gabriella’s godparents. I’ve never been a godparent before, have you?’

Dave’s expression and posture were so still that he could have been snap-frozen while she’d been on the phone. ‘No. I have not.’ His voice was flat, almost toneless, except for a fine thread of anger running underneath.