Chapter 30- END OF BOOK THREE
Lea booked herself into a bed and breakfast in Haymarket on the west end of Edinburgh and fell into bed but not into sleep. She lay on her back, her eyes streaming with tears and her chest aching with emptiness. What a fool she had been to admit she loved Dave! A gauche fool who should have known better than to think he would ever return her feelings. He had locked away his heart, and she had been crazy to think she, of all people, held the key. She didn’t. And never would.
She looked at her bare ring finger and sighed. She’d left his grandmother’s engagement ring and her wedding ring on Dave’s bedside table. There was no way she could keep his family heirloom. The ring would just have been a painful reminder of how she had failed to win his heart—of how her dreams had been shattered like a robin’s egg on concrete.
She picked up her phone and checked if he’d replied to her text, informing him she had arrived safely. He had, but in characteristic fashion, kept it brief.
Okay.
There were no words asking her to reconsider. No words of love. Just ‘Okay’.
Lea put the phone back down and flopped back against the pillows with another sigh. More fool her for wanting more than was possible.
But wasn’t that the pitiful story of her life?
A week went by, and Dave swore he could still smell Lea’s perfume lingering in the castle. Even when he walked outside to go on one of his long walks over the estate, he thought he could hear the sound of her laugh in the air. And every time the sun peeped out from behind the brooding clouds, he thought of her breath-snatching smile.
Bellbrae was just a deserted old castle without her here. A deserted Highland retreat that was no longer a retreat but more like a prison. He was imprisoned by his thoughts—the thoughts that plagued him day and night, but mostly at night. He would wake from a restless sleep and realise with a jolt that Lea was not sleeping beside him. That her cloud of chestnut hair wasn’t splayed out over the pillow, her arms not wrapped around him, and her legs not curled close to his.
He’d had to stop using the bedroom he’d shared with her, as it contained too many memories. He had even left the engagement and wedding rings on the bedside table where she’d left them. He couldn’t bring himself to lock them in the safe because it seemed too...final. Out of sight, out of mind. Except Lea was indeed out of sight, but not out of mind. She was there all the time. He couldn’t go through a single minute of the day without thinking of her.
And that’s when the pain would start. Pain spread through his chest like poison, seeping into his blood and even into his bones. He ached with it. He couldn’t escape the torment of his body missing hers. But the only physical torment he could handle was the mental torment he couldn’t. The emotional torment. Yes, the E word he had scrubbed from his vocabulary a long time ago. Emotions were things he didn’t trust, not only in others but also in himself.
But the emotion he felt now was different. The emptiness he felt was different. The ache inside his chest seemed to be getting worse each day.
Dave had just brought Flossie back in after a comfort walk when he saw his sister’s car coming up the driveway. Great. Just what he needed—an uninvited guest at his private pity party.
Mary parked the car under one of the trees near the old stables. The bare branches waving in the icy wind looked like arthritic fingers.
‘God, this place is freezing,’ Mary said with a knowing smile, dashing towards Dave with her hand pulling the collar of her coat against her neck.
Dave hadn’t noticed the cold. He’d been too preoccupied with missing Lea. ‘You didn’t tell me you were coming. I would have cranked up the heating.’
Mary smirked,“Silly me—”
“What the hell are you doing here, Mary? I know your scheme, and right now, I don't need you— mothering.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Nice meeting you again, dear brother. My kids miss you, by the way. Not to mention you promised a wedding in Chicago.”
“Don't play games, Mary.”
Mary grimaced and followed Dave inside. ‘Yeah, yeah!”
Dave led the way to the small sitting room, where he had been spending most of his time. Flossie was already in front of the fire with her head on her paws. She wagged her tail across the carpet but didn’t go over to greet Mary.
Mary pulled one side of his lip into his mouth and shifted her weight from foot to foot. ‘Is Lea around? I think it’s important she hears what I have to say too, given that you guys are married and all. I want to apologise for my behaviour last time. I was unforgivably rude to her.’
“I told you, no games, no more. I—”
"Dave, you are such—”
Dave walked over to the fireplace and gave the burning coals a poke with the poker. The mention of Lea’s name was as painful as if the hot poker had been driven into his chest. ‘She’s not here.’
‘Oh, where is she?’
Dave put the poker back on the fireplace tool rack and faced his brother. ‘She left a week ago.’
Mary frowned. ‘What the heck? What did you do to that poor girl? Left? Why?”
Dave rubbed a hand down his face and mentally reminded himself to shave sometime. It had been three days, at least. ‘I stink at relationships; that’s why. I hurt people I care about even when I think I’m doing the right thing by them.’
Mary swallowed a couple of times and sat on the sofa as if her legs were not capable of keeping her upright. She leaned forward, rested her elbows on her thighs, and placed her head into his hands.
‘Oh, God, this is my fault.’ She lifted her head and looked at Dave with a harrowed expression. “I—I know you knew it was my idea. I'm sorry.” She swallowed again and continued, “Why did she leave? She knew that I had planned it all?” Mary groaned and placed her head back in her hands. “I'm sorry, Dave.”
Dave went over to his sister, sat beside her, and laid an arm around her quaking shoulders.
“It's not your fault. I just messed up. I—I think I lost her for good. I'm an asshole. I p-pushed her away.”
Mary sighed. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.”
Flossie hauled herself up off the carpet in front of the fire and came plodding over to nudge Mary’s thigh, whining as if to say she misses Lea too.
Mary lifted her head out of her hands, her face wet with tears. "Oh, I'm not surprised, but... what happened? You two are obviously so in love. I can see it. Everybody can see it.” Her hand reached down and scratched behind the dog’s ears.
“It’s my fault, Mary, I’m stupid.”
Mary leaned back and met Dave’s gaze. 'No, you aren't. You are just scared. You lost someone before, but it wasn't your fault. And you are a good person, Dave. You’ve always been there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother. You’ve always had my back, and knowing that has kept me from the edge more times than I want to admit. But what about you and Lea? I can’t help thinking I’ve caused you guys to break up.’
Dave had his own destructive habits to address. The habit of not recognising love, for instance. For not allowing himself to feel it or receive it. Not trusting love when it was the only thing that kept him going.
“I love her.”
"Well, I know that, since my wedding with Tyler. I know you guys are perfect for each other.”
“I'm a fool," Dave growled.
Love for his brother, love for the castle, and most of all, love for Lea.
Maybe there was hope for him after all. Mary had said Dave’s love for him had kept him from going over the edge. It gave him hope that he might be a better godparent than he’d thought. And who better to be a godparent than Lea? The woman he loved with all his heart and soul.
And why stop at godparenting? He started to picture the castle with children sitting around the Christmas tree. Mary and Tyler, Chase and Amaya, and their children. Family. The sound of their laughter echos in the castle, in the gardens, and beyond. He and Lea would make an awesome team as parents of their own children. He had loved Lea for so long that he had no idea when it had started. It felt like it had always been there inside his heart. Hidden away. Locked away. But he could lock it away no longer.
“I'm a fool. Shit! So stupid of me. I didn’t realise how much I loved her until I lost her. I guess it’s a bit like you having to lose everything when Tyler’s ex kidnapped you, having to reach rock bottom before you can resurface, to be reborn.’
Mary frowned in puzzlement. ‘If you love her, then why are you brooding up here all alone?’
Dave sprang from the sofa. ‘You’re right. I need to go and see her. To tell her I love her exactly the way she wants to be loved. And to bring her back home. Will you be okay looking after Flossie overnight?’
Mary’s face was wreathed in a smile, and she turned to look at the dog sitting beside her. ‘How about it, Floss? Do you trust me to take care of you while Dave brings back his bride?’
Flossie gave an answering bark and wagged her plumy tail. “Oh, she agreed," Mary beamed. “Good. I need a whole day of sleep.”
Lea was in her office-cum-bedsit in the Old Town of Edinburgh, putting the last touches to the small reception area with a pot plant and new business cards for the counter. Her business name, ‘Leave it to Lea and Co’, was on a black and gold plaque on the door and another one over the counter. She stepped back to admire her brand-new office space when the door tinkled open behind her.
She turned with a welcoming smile on her face. ‘Welcome to...' Her heart jerked sideways in her chest. ‘Oh, Dave. Hello…’ She licked her lips, a little shocked at his appearance. It looked like he hadn’t shaven or slept in days. And his clothes were rumpled as if he’d slept in them—if indeed he had slept. ‘Are you okay?’
He closed the door and came over to where she was standing. ‘I’m not okay, and I’ll never be okay without you.’ He took her hands in his. ‘I love you. I can’t tell you when I started loving you. It feels like I’ve always loved you in one way or another. But it’s the way I love you now that’s most important.’
Lea’s heart began to feel too big for her chest cavity. It swelled and swelled, and she could hardly take a breath or speak. ‘You really love me?’
He smiled and hugged her to his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. ‘I love you so much I can’t find the words to describe it. I would give anything up if it meant I could have you by my side. Even the castle.’
‘Oh, Dave,’ Lea said, happy tears spilling from her eyes. ‘Even the castle?’
He eased back to look down at her with love shining in his gaze. He blotted her tears with the pads of his fingers. ‘Yes. It’s just an isolated and draughty old, cold castle without you there. You make it a home. Come back with me and make it a home for both of us. And for any children we might have if we’re so lucky.’
‘Children?’ Lea’s eyes widened, and her heart just about exploded with joy. ‘You want a family?’
‘You once pointed out I might need an heir in the future, remember? I can think of no one I’d rather have as the mother of my children than you. Oh, and by the way, is the invitation to be the godfather to little Gabriella still open? I would be honoured to be a godparent with you.’
Lea wound her arms around his neck. ‘I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been so miserable without you. I love you so much.’
He held her close, his arms a strong band around her back. ‘When you said I had an emotional limp, that really resonated with me later. I was too angry to really understand what you meant at the time. But it’s true. I’ve been disabled for years by my fear of failure in a relationship—any relationship.
“Mary—”
“She’s there?”
“Yes.” She’s minding Flossie while I’m down here sweeping you off your feet.’
‘You are very definitely doing that,’ Lea laughed. ‘I don’t think my feet will ever touch the ground again.’
He kissed her long and lovingly, finally raising his mouth off hers to say, ‘Forgive me for hurting you. For not begging you to stay, and most of all for not telling you how much I love you.’
Lea stroked his prickly jaw with her hand. ‘You’ve told me now, that’s the main thing.’
Dave kissed her hand and then reached into his coat pocket. ‘I was halfway down the driveway at Bellbrae when I realised I’d forgotten to get your rings. I had to dash back to get them.’ He took out the wedding and engagement rings and placed them on her left hand. ‘There. Back where they belong.’
Lea’s smile threatened to split her face in two. ‘I’m so happy, I think I’m going to burst. What do you think of my office? It’s a bit on the small side, but it’s a start.’
‘It looks great. I’m so proud of you. Even if I have to confess, I’m worried about how we’re going to juggle our careers. But I’ll always support you, no matter what.’
‘I’ve already hired a receptionist to manage the bookings,’ Lea said. ‘I realise I can’t do everything myself. It’s not healthy. Besides, I quite like the idea of sleeping in now and again as long as you’re there too.’
His eyes glinted, and he drew her even closer. ‘Come home with me for Christmas? ’
Lea lifted her mouth to his. ‘Just try and stop me.’
“Are we going to Chicago soon?”
“Yes. Mary and Amaya are waiting for you there.”
A few days later,.
Dave brought the tray of mulled wine in for their guests in the sitting room, where the Christmas tree was twinkling and the fire was roaring in the grate. Rafe and Isla and their adorable twelve-month-old toddler Gabriella were staying for the holiday season. Gabby was cruising around the furniture stage, and every now and again she would lose her balance and plonk down on her nappy-clad bottom and smile, showing off her brand new little white teeth.
Aunt Elsie was spending Christmas on a cruise with her pen pal after developing quite a penchant for travelling, but she assured them she would be back when the worst of winter was over.
Mary was sitting on the opposite sofa with her arm around Tyler. Their kids were running in circles with their nanny.
And then Dave’s gaze went to Lea, who was sitting on the third sofa with her feet up on a footstool, cradling their new puppy, Rafferty, on her lap. Flossie had sadly passed away in her sleep a few months ago, and the only way Dave could think to fill the gap the old dog left was to buy Lea a puppy for her birthday. The new angel on the top of the tree already had Raffy’s teeth marks on it, but thankfully Dave had rescued it in time before more serious damage had been done.
Lea smiled at Dave, and his chest filled with warmth. ‘Is that the non-alcoholic one?’ she asked with a twinkle in her eye that rivalled the Christmas tree lights.
‘I made it specially for you, darling,’ Dave said, feeling a rush of love so deep and intense it took his breath away.
‘You’re not drinking alcohol?’ Isla’s eyes widened to the size of the baubles on the tree. ‘Does this mean…?’
Tyler and Mary’s eyes widened as they smiled at each other.
Dave put the drink tray down, sat beside Lea, and placed his arm around her waist. ‘Yes, it does. We’re expecting a special arrival in June next year.’
‘Congratulations!’ The couple spoke at once.
‘But wait, there’s more,’ Lea said with a beaming smile that made his heart swell with love. ‘We need two sets of godparents. So, will you guys do the honours? Rafe and Isla, and Mary and Tyler?’
Mary’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You’re having twins?’
Dave grinned and hugged Lea close to his side. ‘I did say a special arrival, didn’t I? Yes, we’re having twins.’
THE END of BOOK 3
Coming soon Book 4