Chapter 2
Justin Caster De Nero was rarely at a loss for words. But Allena’s stunt shocked the hell out of him. Maybe he should have seen it coming. Maybe the way she’d been quieter than usual lately, almost distracted, should have gotten him thinking that something was brewing. But…it was Allena. Reliable. Steadfast. A rock. The best thing that had happened to him in the last four years. Well, not to him, he corrected himself immediately. But to his family. And specifically, to his kids. They adored her, and rightly so. She was an angel sent to help when life was at its worst. He’d lost his wife and his mother…the whole family was grieving and dealing with the profound loss and his children hadn’t taken to any of the other nannies he’d employed. But Allena Jasmin was different. Younger, certainly, and with less experience than the prison warden who’d come before her, and who had lasted only a week before he’d told her to leave. Allena was like a breath of fresh air compared to that. Funny and creative and smart, someone who lit up any room she entered.
Someone who he relied upon to help raise his children.
Maybe you rely on her too much.
Ignoring the voice in his head, he looked into her upturned face. Her blue eyes shone brilliantly; her full mouth was set in an unusually tight line instead of her usual glowing smile and her cheeks were flushed. She looked…angry. A few strands of honey-brown hair had escaped from the ponytail she always wore and was tucked behind her ears. She was incredibly pretty. Not in an overt or flashy way, but a quiet kind of beauty—not that he ever thought about Allena in that way. That was inappropriate. Out of the question. She was the nanny. His employee. His friend, he had believed.Except she wasn’t looking at him in a friendly way. In fact, she looked madder than hell.
Married? She’d said she wanted to get married? He ignored the way his gut tightened at the idea. “Married?” he echoed the word incredulously. As far as he knew, she wasn’t dating anyone.
“Who the hell to?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I jumped the gun there a bit. But I want the chance to meet someone I can care about, maybe enough to marry and spend the rest of my life with. And I can’t do that while I’m…while I’m…”
“While you’re what?” he demanded, so confused his head spun. He didn’t really understand what she was saying. She wanted to get married, but not to anyone in particular? It didn’t make sense. “Living here,” she replied and sighed. “Living this life. With your children as…” She stopped, swallowing hard. “Almost as if they are…” Her words trailed again. “I want my own family, my own children. And to do that, I need to leave.”
Justin stared at her and sucked in a breath. She wanted children? But not his? How could anyone not want his kids – they were incredible. What the hell was happening? He never expected this.
NO!
He inhaled again and her perfume swirled through the air. Or maybe it was her shampoo. He wasn’t sure, but the scent was as familiar to him as any on the ranch—vanilla and spice—a sweet combination that always pleased his senses. He wasn’t sure why. But it had become her signature scent over the years, a way of knowing she was close, part of things, keeping the balance, making things easier.
“So, you’re not leaving us to get married?” he asked and scowled.
“I will eventually. Who knows,” she said and flapped her arms. “It’s really not anyone’s business.
“Justin, look, you asked the question, and I answered it.” She pointed to the envelope. “There’s my resignation. I’ll be going in two weeks, that should give you enough time to advertise for my replacement and conduct interviews.”
Justin rocked back onto his heels. “No.”
Her bottom lip dropped. “No?”
He crossed his arms. “I don’t accept your resignation,” he said and then moved around the desk, shaking his head in confusion. “I just don’t get it, Allena. You’ve always seemed happy here. Happy with us. Why now? We need you.” I need you.
But was she really that serious?
Her expression remained tight. “I love the kids, Justin, you know. I love them. I always will. But accept it, or not, Justin…it won’t change the fact that I’m leaving.”
He stared at her, trying to read something in her expression that would indicate she wasn’t as determined as her words made it seem. But all he saw was steely resolve and a budding antagonism. And his children, he knew, wouldn’t understand. They would feel her loss. They’d grieve it, would be heartbroken. Four-and-half-year-old Cassie adored her, and eight-year-old Jayden hung on her every word. They would be devastated by the news. Inconsolable. The very notion made him ache through to his bones.
“You can’t leave us, Allena," he said simply. No.
Something flickered across her face, shadowed her eyes for a moment. But then the resolve was back. “I have to, Justin.”
He let out a heavy breath. “Allena, please don’t do this.”
She didn’t flinch. “I’m sorry,” she said as she left the room, leaving the scent of her shampoo in her wake. Justin wasn’t sure how long he remained in the office, staring after the opened doorway. Minutes. Hours. No, he corrected, not hours. Only, time had suddenly stretched into some weird vortex and he couldn’t think straight. Of all the things he might expect, Allena’s leaving was not on the list. She was practically a part of their family, and he’d always appreciated everything she did for his children.
So, how on earth was he supposed to tell them that she was leaving? Dread formed in his stomach as he headed from the room and down the hall, making his way toward the kitchen at the rear of the house. His grandmother Mittie De Nero was standing behind the counter, her wild red hair piled high on her head, her long, handcrafted wooden earrings dangling from her ears. Mittie always made him smile. She was his father’s mother, an adventurous and free-spirited woman who had made the ranch her home, but spent a good part of each year travelling the globe. When Justin was two years old, his father, died unexpectedly from a heart attack while out mustering cattle.
Justin’s mother, Sandra, remarried Igor when he was six and then had Leah, his half sister. Justin had always considered Igor to be his dad, as the older man had always treated him like his son, but he kept his real father’s name out of respect for Mittie and the generations of De Neros before him.
Family was important. Family mattered above everything else.
And his had just exploded!
Allena…
Damn it!
What the hell happened to her?
He got back to thinking about her. And his shock at her announcement.
“Morning, dear.”
Justin grimaced at the nickname his grandmother had been calling him for decades. “Hey, grandma.”
She smiled. “I’ve made cookies and icecream.”
Mittie was a perennial baker. “The kids will be happy. Speaking of my kids, where are they?”
“In the stables with Allena,” she replied and smiled again, waving a spatula covered in chocolate frosting. “Something about a cat having kittens.”
Justin nodded, then walked from the kitchen and through the mud room, grabbing his coat from the peg by the door. It was cool outside, the sky rumbling and cloudy and rain looked imminent. October was traditionally cool and this one was proving to be harsher than usual, Justin thought as he shouldered into his coat and hiked up the collar. The stables were around the front, so he circumnavigated the house and within minutes the dogs Rufus and Daisy were racing around his feet, trying to get him to play chase with a stick. The fluffy pair weren’t exactly ranch hounds… more like lap dogs. But the kids loved them and that was all that mattered. He’d bought them as pups not long after Jayne and his mom had been killed, as a way to help his children with their loss and overcome the incredible pain they were feeling. It wasn’t nearly enough, of course. But six months later, he’d made the solid decision to hire Allena, and things got better.
Time was a healer, too. So was work. And family. Despite everything that had happened, Justin was grateful for all he had in his life. And up until half an hour ago, he’d been incredibly grateful for Allena. Now he was just annoyed.