Chapter 7

Allena pulled a couple of shirts out of the old wardrobe in the corner of the bedroom and tugged at the red T-shirt she’d slipped on, thinking she would prefer to change back into her soaking-wet shirt.

At least that fits properly. Leah was slim and athletic, so her clothes weren’t a great fit. But she needed to wear something while her shirt dried out. Allena grabbed her wet shirt and left the bedroom, coming face-to-face with Justin within seconds.

Without his glasses, he was just as handsome but less serious-looking. “Contacts?” she queried. “You don’t normally wear them on the weekend.”

“I don’t normally go horseback riding in the rain, either. But glasses don’t cut it in a storm. And I’m a wiz at putting in contacts in a hurry.”

Allena took a step farther into the room, aware that the rain was still pelting on the roof. She walked towards the fireplace and carefully draped her shirt over the mesh fire screen.

“So, why did you?” she asked when she faced him again. “Come out in the storm, I mean.”

“I didn’t want you stuck out in it alone. Storms can be dangerous.”

“I can take care of myself,” she said.

“You forgot your cell phone,” he pointed out. “That was very stupid.”

Allena shrugged lightly. “You knew I’d come here, obviously. I’m fairly predictable when it comes to my horse-riding habits. And this place is perfectly safe.”

“Leah got stuck here for three days once, remember?” he reminded her. “Two years ago. The creek flooded, and she couldn’t make it across until the rain stopped.” She did remember. They’d all been worried and sick for days. “You’re right. I should have taken my cell. I’m sorry. I was just rushing, and... I forgot. It was careless.”

Always call. Always keep in touch. When she’d first arrived at the ranch, he’d made it clear about his expectations, and later she learned why. Now the whole family had texts and calls flying between them on a daily basis. At first, it seemed suffocating and dependent, but she understood. They had all experienced an excruciating loss; keeping in touch was their way of staying connected to each other. Of letting each other know they were safe. Yes, they were coming home.

“It’s not a big deal, Allena. I only—”

“I know,” she said, cutting him off. “I get it. I know why it’s important. It’s because of your mom, your wife, and I—”

“The kids would be devastated if anything happened to you.”

The kids. Of course. It's always the kids. She sighed, “I know. But I’m fine.” She forced a smile. "I just soaked through. But I’m fine.” No. She was never fine.

He didn’t move, and when he spoke again, his voice was unusually raspy. “Why are you doing it, Allena? Why are you really leaving us?”

Because I have to...

“I told you why,” she said, dying a little inside.

“Because you want to marry some guy you’ve never said a word about, never been seen with, never introduced to anyone, right? ”

She wanted to roll her eyes at him but stopped herself. “It’s not like that,” she said and harrumphed. “Brian is—”

“Brian?” he repeated it and laughed humorlessly. “Seriously? What is he—a poet, history professor, or something?”

“If you must know, he’s a fireman.”

He frowned. “Really? Where’s he stationed?

“No,” she replied. “London.”

The moment he realised what she meant, he made a disbelieving sound. “Since I know you’ve never been to London, that means you’ve never actually met this guy, right?”

“Well, I haven’t—”

“Is this some kind of online love-affair thing you have going?” he raised his brows at her.

“It’s not a love affair,” she said, colouring from head to toe with embarrassment because he made the idea sound so ridiculous. “You’re right, we’ve never met in person. But we’ve talked a lot on the phone, and..." Her words trailed off, and she shrugged. “I don’t have to justify anything to anyone.”

Or, you know, why the hell was she blushing anyway? It was none of his business.

That’s what she really wanted to say.

He growled, “But you plan on leaving here, moving to London, and marrying someone you have never actually met?”

“Of course not!”

“But you said you wanted to get married and—”

“I do,” she defended. “You’re twisting this all around. Yes, I haven’t met Brian face-to-face yet. But I…might. And if it works out, great. If not, then hopefully I’ll meet someone else.”

She felt better for saying it. Stronger. She felt like she was in complete control of her own life and her future. Even though she was a quivering wreck inside, For one, there was something strange about the situation. Because they were alone together. Truly alone. There were no kids in the next room, and there was no grandmother in the kitchen. Just the two of them. There was nowhere to escape, nowhere to avoid his luminous green eyes.

“This doesn’t sound like you,” he remarked.

She sat on the couch as she harrumphed. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do?”

“I know you’re not reckless and impulsive,” he said quietly. “If you were, I would never have entrusted you with my kids. I know you. I can read you like an open book.”

Yeah right. Now tell her what was on her heart.

But yeah. She knew that. Justin cherished his children, and their well-being was paramount. And he knew her.

“I’ve always appreciated your trust in me.”

“Have you?” he queried and raised a brow. “You know, since my children adore you, I believe I have the right to know why you’re acting as though they don’t matter in all this.”

“Of course they matter,” she retorted. “You know how much they mean to me. But I have to do this.”

“Why?”

Oh my God.

She sucked in a breath. "Because if I don’t leave now, I might—”

“Is it him?” Justin demanded. “Is he telling you to do this—this fireman boyfriend of yours?”

Allena shook her head. “It’s me,” she replied. “This is what I want.”

Jesus…

“I don’t quite believe you, Allena,” he muttered, tilting his head a fraction and meeting her eyes with his own. “There’s something else—something that you’re not saying. I know you. And yes, I know you care deeply about Cassie and Jayden. I also think you wouldn’t leave them unless it was something important.”

It is important. It’s my sanity. My soul. My heart.

“You wouldn’t understand,” she whispered.

“Try me.”

No.

You'll break my heart.

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Not ever.

His gaze was suddenly hot, intense, and unwavering, and Allena was rooted to her spot by the fireplace. His green eyes seemed to travel over her slowly, lingering where the T-shirt didn’t quite meet with the waistband of her jeans, exposing her belly just a little. Something flickered inside her.

Something that seemed at odds with the usual dynamic of their relationship. Usually she knew what she saw in his gaze: respect, friendship, and indifference.

Not this, whatever this was.

It was undefinable. Unexpectedly good in a way that made her want to just bite her lips. It was new.

Something told her he was as surprised by the sudden shift in mood between them as she was.

But Justin still watched her, still allowing his gaze to hone in on her waist and then slowly travel upward, lingering, it seemed, on her breasts.

She swallowed hard, tugging at her shirt. Her nipples hardened instantly, as though her body knew he was observing her in a way that was different, somehow, as though the close confines of the cabin had shifted the dynamic between them on some invisible axis, and suddenly they weren’t employee and employer—they weren’t two people who had been forced into a companionable friendship because of position and familiarity. This was something else. Awareness at a base, primal level. And suddenly, her blood was surging through her veins. She wondered if he was as surprised by the moment as she was and hoped that he couldn’t see how easily and quickly she reacted to him simply by looking at her.

And then she hoped, with every ounce of strength she possessed, that Justin De Nero wouldn’t realise that she was hopelessly and completely in love with him.

Oh God. She was hopeless.

Of course, it wasn’t as though she had woken up one morning and realised that Justin was the love of her life.

True, she’d always thought he was incredibly attractive, even from those few first meetings a decade ago. But working for Justin, being a daily part of his life, and caring for his children had allowed her budding awareness to turn into something else. Something more. A deep attraction and a love she couldn’t deny.

But her feelings would never be reciprocated. She wasn’t his type. He liked women like Rachel, Anna, or Claire who weren’t into commitment. Allena wasn’t even sure Justin registered the fact that she was a woman. They had a good working relationship, and she believed they had become friends over the years.

But he would never fall in love with her.

Which is why she had to leave.

The last twelve months have been the hardest. Being around him, watching him date someone else, knowing she was an employee and nothing more—knowing she never would be anything more—it was all too much to take day in and day out.

There was no other way. It’s not like she could—or more to the point—would—suddenly start acting like some kind of siren and demand Justin take notice. That wasn’t her style. Besides, the dynamic of their relationship had been set from the beginning. He needed a nanny. She wanted a career change. His kids bonded with her quickly, and he clearly recognised the value of keeping things between them strictly professional. Even if she had been his type, which she wasn't,.

He’d briefly dated two other women before Rachel, and both had been the same type. Tall, lean, and frosty. Not like her. And not like Jayne De Nero, either, she thought. Jayne had been pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. Blond and fair-skinned, with freckles and a sweet smile, Jayne loved her husband, children, and flying. Allena had met her a couple of times during visits to town and remembered her as a nice woman, a kind, considerate, and lovely person. She’d liked Jayne and often hoped that the other woman would approve of the way she was caring for her children. Of course, she doubted the other woman would be happy if she knew Allena had fallen in love with her husband!

“Allena?” He said her name and jerked her from her trance. “Please tell me what’s going on?”

“Stop asking me to explain myself,” she said, and she walked into the kitchen, trying to ignore the way he watched her as she moved and wondering why he was doing it since she’d never noticed him doing it before.

“What if you get to London and this guy turns out to be a liar, homeless, or, at worst, a serial killer?” Justin asked,matching her steps.

She frowned and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed and turned on her heel. “He’s nothing of the sort.”

“How do you know?” he shot back. “What if he’s not even this fireman you seem so impressed by? He could be a used-car salesman for all you know.”

“Give me some credit,” she said, rolling her eyes. “We FaceTime; we Skype. I’ve had several video tours of the fire station where he works,” she explained, impatience winding through her blood.

“It could still be a scam,” he replied. “And you would care if he couldn’t support you.”

Allena frowned. “I can support myself. This isn’t the Middle Ages.”

“Well, what if you move to London and marry this guy and have kids and he can’t—”

“I’m not rushing out to move to Texas and marry Brian,” she said with a sigh.

“You said you wanted to get married,” he reminded her.

“Sure, if he’s the right guy,” she shot back.

He sighed and shook his head. “Be sensible, Allena. This is no way to meet someone.”

“What do you suggest? Are you now an expert on romance?”

His face darkened. “I don’t know how, but not like this. You can’t seriously be thinking about meeting this guy?” Justin’s voice was hard. Somehow, he was feeling annoyed by the fact that she was meeting someone else.

She shrugged. “Why can’t I? It’s part of my plan. I also plan on taking a vacation. Maybe go to Rone or Scotland. Read romance novels on the beach. And maybe somewhere in there, I’ll get married to Brian. But whatever I do, it’s none of your business.”

He scowled. “Maybe not,” he grumbled and shrugged. “But I feel a certain obligation to make sure you are safe.”

“You feel a certain obligation to tell me how to live my life because suddenly it is impacting you,” she said, scowling back at him. “That’s the real reason you’re getting so wound up about my leaving.”

“I’m not wound up, Allena. I simply want—”

“I know what you want, Justin,” she said, cutting him off as she tugged again at the T-shirt. “You like being organised and having all things going your way, all wrapped up in a neat little balance sheet that you can explain. Well, I can’t live like that. I’m not a balance sheet or a number. I’m a woman with real feelings. And like anyone else on the planet, sometimes I’m unpredictable, and I do things without having a motive or an agenda.”

His gaze rolled over her again, this time at a more leisurely pace, making her intensely aware of the sudden lack of space between them. “I’m well aware that you are a woman, Allena.”

Could have fooled me...

She shrugged, turning hot all over, despite the fact that it was cold and rainy. “Anyway, I think we’ve covered this subject enough for one day. When do you think we can head back?”

He took his cell phone from his jean pocket, flicked over the screen a few times, and then spoke.

“According to the weather app, it’s going to rain for at least the next couple of hours.”

Hours?

I’d rather risk the thunderstorm.

“I think I’ll go and check the horses,” she said, still tugging at her shirt.

“I’ll check them,” he said, waving his hand. "There's no point in you getting wet again now that you’re dried off.”

She could have sworn that for a moment—just a few seconds—his mouth was curved in a wry sort of smile. A smile that made him look unbelievably sexy. A smile he’d never flashed in her direction before.

I’m imagining things.

Jesus. I'm getting crazy.

She didn’t take another breath until he turned and walked out of the cabin.

I have to pull myself together.

Justin doesn’t flash sexy smiles in my direction—not ever.