Chapter 8

Allena found the kettle in the kitchen and set it on the stove, then rinsed out the mugs and rummaged through the cupboard for coffee and sugar. The coffee tin was empty, and when she found tea bags, she settled for them, plopping them in the mugs as she waited for the water to boil. It had been unnerving; it had been a difficult decision to even consider leaving Justin and his kids, but she didn't have a choice. She had to live her life and mind her own business.

A few minutes later, she heard the front door open and close, and Justin was back in the kitchen. “They’re fine,” he said, plonking his hat on the table. “It’s cold here.”

Allena agreed, “I know—”

“We should sit by the fire.”

Allena looked at the fire crackling in the hearth and nodded. “I’m making tea.” She knew Justin didn’t really like tea. He was a coffee-drinker. But he didn’t refuse the mug when she passed it to him. Seconds later, they were sitting on the large sofa. It was lumpy and not all that comfortable, but it was better than a kitchen chair.

“I should get some new furniture for this place,” he said, stretching out his long legs and holding the mug steady on the arm of the sofa. “Leah still stays here sometimes. It could do with some new drapes and a comfy couch. You can order a few things if you like.”

Allena stared at him over the mug. “Justin, I’m pretty sure you can do your own shopping.”

He shrugged fractionally. “I could, but I hate shopping. You know that.”

She did know. In fact, she knew a lot about him. In the four years she’d lived in his home, she’d come to know his likes and dislikes and his moods. She knew he liked watching action movies as much as old black-and-white classics. He didn’t dance—ever. She knew he liked lemonade and peanut butter sandwiches. He hated pineapple on pizza and always put extra salt on his fries. He didn’t get more than six hours’ sleep a night.

He had a scar from having his appendix removed when he was a teenager and a tattoo of his children’s names on his left shoulder. Not that she had seen him totally naked, but over the years, there had been occasions when she’d witnessed him coming from the bathroom, a towel slung over his shoulder, his jeans hanging loosely on his hips. Or in the kitchen late at night in pyjama bottoms and a tank top. He had an acutely masculine physique and worked out most mornings on the rower or treadmill he had set up in one corner of the huge garage. He had a desk job, after all, so the exercise ensured he didn’t spend all of his day sedentary. He even joined her occasionally on her

Sunday morning runs if Mittie was able to watch the kids for an hour. He always politely stayed at her pace, and she suspected it was more about catching up with the kids than a serious workout, since she was sure he could have easily outpaced her.

“Leah should do it,” she said quietly. “Since she spends the most time here,"

“Not a chance,” he said, grimacing. “My sister will fill the place with weird-shaped furniture and scented candles, and God knows, I can't say no to her.”

Allena smiled. Leah was known to have an eclectic taste in furnishings. “If I get time,” she said, shrugging. “I’ll look around.”

“Didn’t you promise to stay for a month?”

She held up two fingers. “Two weeks.”

“A month?” he said again, gentler this time, less demanding, more appealing. “Please?”

And Allena felt her resolve slip. Since she didn’t have a job to start, she could be a little flexible. “Three weeks. I’ll give you an extra week.”

He smiled fractionally. “A compromise? It’s a start. Although I still think three weeks isn’t nearly long enough to find a replacement. It took me six months to find you.”

There was something absurdly intimate about the way he said the words, and she coloured hotly. I really need to pull myself together. Imagining that everything Justin said to her suddenly had some kind of hidden meaning was ridiculous. “I’m sure a good placement agency could help you,” she said, sipping her tea. “Just tell them what you need, and they’ll send through applicants with the right qualifications.”

“What I need?” he echoed and glanced at her for a moment before focusing his attention towards the fireplace. “Let’s see... someone who is reliable and responsible,” he said, counting the attributes with his fingers on one large hand. “Trustworthy. Honest. And someone who will cherish my children above anything or anyone else. I don’t know. It seems unrealistic to expect I can have all that twice in a matter of a few years.”

Heat burned behind Allena’s eyes, and she blinked tears away discreetly. She didn’t want to hear praise from him now. It only made her leaving all the more difficult. Which he would know because Justin was smart and clearly knew how to push her buttons. “That person sounds too good to be true,” she said flippantly.

“I know, was it too obvious?” he said, keeping his gaze directly ahead. “But I found her nonetheless.”

Allena wanted to roll her eyes. How could he even look at her like she was just a joke?

“I thought I was the one who did the finding,” she reminded him. “I approached you, remember?”

“Thank God,” he said, and he sighed heavily. “After that last drill, sergeant, I thought I’d never find

you.” It was an odd conversation. Talking about finding one another in that way to an outside observer would sound as though they were speaking of lost loves and soul mates—not finding a suitable nanny for his children. But Allena knew in her heart that Justin would only ever see her as the woman who had stepped into the role of caretaker for his kids.

“I’m sure you’ll get someone else who will do a good job,” she assured him. “You know,” he said, still not looking at her. “If you want to go to Hawaii, we can go.”

“Hawaii?” she repeated incredulously. Tempting, very tempting, but no.

“You said you wanted to go to Hawaii. Okay,” he said, shrugging a bit. “I’ll take you.”

“I don’t—”

“I haven’t been on a real vacation for years, and the kids would love it,” he said and glanced sideways. “We could ask my family, Igor, and Leah to come along and make a real family trip of it.”

Allena stared at him, her head reeling. A family trip? His family. De Nero’s family. And Allena would be there as an employee, looking after the kids and doing what she did best. “No.”

“No?” he repeated. “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” she replied, and she sipped more of her tea, wishing for the rain to stop so that she could get up, get out, and get away. “But you’re right, you should go on a vacation. The kids would love it. And I’m sure your new nanny will enjoy a working holiday.”

“I didn’t mean a working vacation,” he said loosely, but Allena saw the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and knew he was tense. “I meant that you could chill out. You know, relax. I could book a couple of suites at one of those big resorts near the beach. I’ll look after the kids, and you can drink those fancy coconut cocktails with the little umbrellas in them and read your romance novels while you hang out by the pool in a bikini and—”

“Bikini?” She spluttered the word out with a mouthful of tea. “I don’t do bikinis,” she shrugged.

“Why not?” Justin frowned.

Heat suffused her cheeks. “Because…because this is not a bikini kind of body and—”

“You should like your body more,” he said quietly and unexpectedly.

Allena didn’t dare look at him. It was a very un-Justin thing to say. She stole a quick glance in his direction. He was staring into the fire, but she noticed a tiny pulse beating in his cheek. He shook his head, almost to himself. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that; it wasn’t appropriate.”

Allena tutted. “Stop stressing Justin, you’re the most appropriate man I’ve ever known. You could write a rule book on appropriate behavior.”

He turned his head and met her gaze, and something flashed between them. The kind of look she never expected to see in his eyes. For a moment, for one of those flashes of time where the world seemed to stop spinning and everything was focused on only the two of them, Allena could have sworn she registered something that looked a lot like a straight-up physical reaction. Simple chemistry. Awareness. Desire. Needs. Yes.

No. Impossible.

She’d become a master at hiding her feelings. The queen of denial. He couldn’t know she wanted him, craved him, and wondered what it would be like to be made love to by him. And even if he did, he certainly wouldn’t respond in kind. She was imagining it. She had to be.