Chapter 10

“I’m going away soon,” Allena explained simply, her voice almost cracking. “In a few weeks. Which means I won’t be your nanny anymore.”

Justin watched as she swallowed hard after each long breath. And he knew, in that moment, how hard it was for her.

No one said anything for several seconds. Cassie was fiddling with her cards, and he noticed that. Jayden was tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth.

“So, you won’t be taking care of us?” his son asked quietly, his concentration focused on the cards in his hand.

Allena nodded and spoke gently. “No, sweetie, I won’t. You’ll have a new nanny who will look after you.”

His son still didn’t look up. “Just not you?”

Cassie got off her chair and stood beside Allena. “But I don’t want a new nanny.”

Allena grasped his daughter’s hand gently. “I know you don't, and it’ll be hard at first. For all of us,” she added, and she glanced up at him.

Justin saw his daughter’s expression crumble, and his heart just about broke. His kids understood. They knew what Allena’s departure would mean to them. They knew how lost they would all be.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Cassie said, her bottom lip wobbling. “I want you to stay. I want—”

“Cassie,” Justin said, and he moved to the table, reaching for his daughter when the tears in her eyes became too much to bear. “It’ll be okay, honey,” he said, hauling her into his arms. “I promise.”

She hugged him, dropping her face into his shoulder and hiccupping a couple of times. He noticed she was still holding the cards tightly in her small hand. “How about you finish your game?” he suggested, and sat her back down at the table.

Cassie nodded and let out a shuddering beath. “Okay, Daddy.”

Justin met Allena’s gaze, noticing how bright her eyes shone, and suspected she was barely hanging on to her emotions. He managed a tight smile. Trying to offer comfort, even though she’d turned his world upside down,“ You okay, buddy?” he asked his son and ruffled his hair.

Jayden nodded, blinking hard. “Will you play cards with us, Dad?”

He looked at Jayden’s strained expression and quickly sat down. As much as he, too, was confused by Allena’s decision, he wouldn’t show it in front of his children. “Sure. Deal me in.”

They played a round, and he ignored the tense silence. But by the second round, Jayden had tossed his cards into the middle of the table, said he’d had enough, and quickly left the room. “Should I go to him?” Allena asked, half rising.Justin got to his feet, noticing how Cassie was once again holding Allena’s hand. “I’ll do it.”

He found Jayden in his room, sitting in a chair by his fish tank. He remained by the door for a moment, remembering how he’d had to have the hard conversation about Jayne’s death over four years earlier. Jayden had been so young, and it had taken time for the reality of losing his mom to truly sink in. For the first few days, he’d cried a lot, and then, suddenly, he stopped and never appeared to cry again. Justin wondered if he was right in letting Jayden keep his pain dammed up at

such a young age. But he’d never wanted to force his son to talk about his mother or the accident. He figured he would, when he was ready. “Hey, sport,” he said, resting a shoulder against the door frame. “Are you okay?”

Jayden nodded and continued to stare into the tank. “If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

“I know, Dad. But I don’t feel like talking right now.” They were so alike, he thought, and sighed. Justin didn’t like talking much about feelings, either.

He felt a small hand curl into his own and spotted Cassie at his side. “Hey there.”

“Daddy,” she said, her eyes glistening. “I’m sad. But Allena looks sad, too. You should go and cheer her up.”

Justin’s insides were clenched. “I thought I’d hang out with you guys for a while.”

“I want to watch the fish with Jayden,” she announced. She quickly moved into the room and plonked herself on the floor, lotus-style, in front of the tank. Justin looked at his children, and his heart tightened in his chest. As much as he hated admitting it, sometimes it was impossible to protect them from the world.

“How about we go and take another look at the kittens later?” he suggested. “Before it gets dark?”

“Yay!” Cassie said, clearly a little happier at the idea. Jayden nodded, and Justin left his kids sitting together, watching the fish, and headed back to the kitchen.

“Is Jayden okay?” Allena asked the moment Justin crossed the threshold. She was still sitting at the table, wringing her hands. He nodded and moved around the counter, flicking on the microwave. “He’s okay. But quiet. You know how he gets.” She sighed. “I’ll talk to him later. I know it’s the weekend, but I could tuck him into bed tonight.”

Justin rested his back on the counter. “I should probably tuck the kids in every night from now on, don’t you think? You know, get them used to not—”

“Having me around?” she said, cutting him off. “I suppose so.” He looked at her, noticing how huge her eyes looked in her face. “Cassie said you needed cheering up?” She made a humourless sound. “That was harder than I ever imagined it might be. But since you’re so angry with me,” she reminded him with a wry expression, “I’m not sure you’re the person for the job.”

“I’m not angry,” he replied. “I mean, I was this morning. But it was more of a surprise than anything else. Now I’m just...confused.”

She stared at him, her eyes widening even further. “The microwave is beeping.”

He’d forgotten all about the lasagna. He took the leftovers from the microwave, held the dish in a tea towel, grabbed two forks from the cutlery drawer, and headed back to the table.

“Hungry?” he asked and passed her a fork.

She took the utensil, and they sat for a while, snacking on the leftovers, and the mood between them was oddly calm. As though it could have been any day, any time. Not the day she’d decided to walk out of his life.

Their lives, he reminded himself firmly.

“I’m sorry they’re hurting,” she said softly. Justin’s throat tightened. “Cassie and Jayden don’t want to lose you.” She dipped the fork into the dish. “I know.”

“Neither do I.”

She stilled. “I know that, too.”

Justin reached out and grasped her hand, holding her steady. For a moment, he thought she might pull away, but she didn’t. She remained still, slowly meeting his gaze.

There were no rings on her fingers. But there would be one day, if the fireman got his way. The idea bugged him so much that he could barely sit still in the chair. Of course, she could do what she liked. She was a free agent. But the idea that she would consider doing something so impulsive seemed completely at odds with the reliable, responsible woman he’d come to know and care about over the past few years.

“Allena?”

Her throat convulsed a little, and he watched, fascinated by how long and smooth her neck was. How had he never noticed that before? Or the brilliantly blue shade of her eyes. Or how sharply arched her brows were, and how it created a stunning combination.

“Yes?”

He took a long breath and gently rubbed her palm with his thumb. “What can I do to make this right?”