Chapter 21

“What?”

“Marry me!” Justin groaned. Not sure if he said it loudly.

“What did you say?” Allena stepped back and pulled her hand free, staring at him, thinking she had just misheard... or that he had suddenly lost his mind.

“Marry me,” he said again.

It was official. He was insane.

Jesus! What the hell is he doing? She thought to herself.

“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever—”

“It’s not crazy,” he said quickly, cutting off her protest. “Think about it. It makes perfect sense. The kids—”

“It’s not about the kids,” she said, mortified by the mixture of feelings surging through her blood, like disbelief and shock and something else—something she wasn’t prepared to admit.

“They love you,” he said flatly. “And they need you.”

“They love me,” she shot back. “Exactly. But you don’t,” she said and couldn’t bear how much saying the words hurt her. “And I don’t—”

“I know that we don’t care about one another in that way, Allena,” he said and sighed heavily. “But sometimes, marriages start out for different reasons. Who’s to say what’s the right way? And we can’t predict how we’ll feel in the future, can we?

“Justin, you are crazy!”

“You said you were leaving because you wanted to get married. So, let’s get married.”

Allena couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Never, in all her wildest dreams, did she imagine Justin would resort to a marriage proposal to keep her looking after his children. The fact that he believed her so desperate to get married that she would actually consider it hurt her bone-deep. Like he was prepared to make himself a human sacrifice.

“You’d actually marry me to stop me from leaving?” she asked incredulously and crossed her arms.

"Yes." He shook his head. "No, I mean. It wouldn’t be like that, so cut and dried. I care about you, Allena. And I thought..." He paused, looking at her with searing intensity. “Is this about the fireman?” he asked, his expression narrowing.

“What?”

“Your online boyfriend,” he reminded her. “Is your reaction because of him?”

Allena inhaled, sucking air into her lungs. “My reaction, as you call it, has nothing to do with Bobby,” she replied hotly. “It’s about how I value myself too much to consider a loveless marriage with someone who is asking because it’s convenient.”

“That’s not why,” he returned quickly. “I just thought—”

“Save it,” she said and waved her hand impatiently. “Come on, Justin, you’ve probably worked it out in your head that this arrangement would fix your problem of hiring a new nanny. I imagine you’ve probably done one of your famous pro-and-con lists and come out thinking that marrying me would make your life a whole lot easier. Well, all it would do is complicate the hell out of mine! Did you ever think about that?” She shoved past him and headed down the hall, racing to her room. Allena dropped onto the sofa and pressed a hand to her chest, trying to get her heart rate back to

normal.

Marry me…

Justin’s words echoed around in her head. How could he resort to such a tactic?

A loveless marriage...

Shit!

NO!

And she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it. Not even if, for the tiniest of moments, she could envision that it wouldn’t be loveless. He had somehow discovered that he couldn’t live without her for reasons of his own—and not only because he wanted a mother for his kids.

Because he had to know what his proposal would do to her. He wasn’t that self-absorbed, was he? He knew she loved Jasper and Cassie with all her heart and wouldn’t put them in that kind of situation.

With a sigh, Allena walked into her bedroom, stripping off her clothes. He’d said she looked nice in her outfit. Was it a line? A compliment to make her think he actually noticed her as more than an employee? As a woman? And potentially, as his wife? She flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling, fatigue seeping through her bones.

But how could she sleep? Her mind was churning.

Her heart was aching.

Surprisingly, Allena did sleep and dragged herself out of bed early the following morning, feeling groggy and completely drained. It was her day off, so she slipped into jeans, boots, and a light sweater, skipped her usual coffee fix, and headed to the villa, managing to avoid being seen by anyone in the house. When she pulled up at the ranch twenty minutes later, she spotted Mitchãel in the main corral, guiding a beautiful-looking colt on a lead rein. Allena rested a toe on the fence post and watched for a moment.

“Hey there, Allena,” Mitchael said when he noticed her. Allena smiled. “Hi. Is this one foals?” she asked and climbed up one rung on the fence to get a better look at the colt.

“Sure is. This is Morry.”

“He’s beautiful.”

“Tess is nursing Charlie,” he said, leading the colt towards the fence.

“Actually, I was looking for you. I was wondering if I could leave Star here for a little while, until I get settled somewhere.”

“You mean, like London?”

Allena rolled her eyes. “I’m not moving to London.”

“Justin thinks you are.”

She tensed at the mention of the other man’s name and then smiled smartly. “Well, he’s wrong.”

Mitchael laughed. “About some things, he certainly is. And of course, you can leave your horse here for as long as you need.”

They chatted for a couple of minutes and once she’d worked out a day and time for Mitchael to collect Star and bring him to the villa, she thanked her brother-in-law and headed inside. Tess was upstairs in the nursery with her son and Allena tapped on the door frame before she entered.

“Hey, I’m so glad you’re here,” Tess said, smiling broadly. “I think Charlie just said Momma.”

Allena laughed. “I thought Dada was his favourite word?”

“Not anymore,” Tess replied and laughed.

“Mitchael will be devastated,” Allena teased.

“He’ll get over it,” Tess said, still smiling. “So, how are things?”

Allena gently touched the baby’s head. “Complicated.”

Her sister raised a brow.

Tess had finished nursing and placed the child in Allena’s arms. She sat down, gently cradling the baby.

“Which means?” Tess asked.

She drew in a long breath and spoke. “Justin proposed to me last night.”

It sounded ridiculous and she watched as her sister stared at her in utter shock.

“What?”

Allena nodded. “He asked me to marry him.”

Tess’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “And what did you say?’

“No,” she replied. “Of course.”

Tess smiled gently. “I thought you might…you know…”

Allena shook her head. “I might what?”

“Give it some consideration.”

Allena looked at her sister. “I’m not that desperate.”

“To marry the man you love?” Tess suggested.

“To marry a man who doesn’t love me back,” she replied, blinking back the heat burning behind her eyes. “Justin wants everything to stay the same because he hates change. I’m not going to go along with some plan he’s concocted simply because it makes sense to his unromantic brain.”

Tess regarded her kindly. “I guess it might seem like that. But perhaps—”

“Oh, no,” Allena said, waving a hand. “I’m not going to start imagining there are any buts in this situation. Justin doesn’t care about me in that way, and one little kiss doesn’t—”

“Whoa,” Tess said quickly, her eyes widening. “What kiss?”

Colour crept up Allena’s neck. “It was nothing. It happened days ago, and—”

“Days ago?” Tess inquired, cutting her off. “And you’re only mentioning it now?”

She shrugged. “It didn’t mean anything. We were arguing, and then it happened.”

“And afterward?”

“Justin apologised.”

“Ouch,” Tess said, grimacing. “So, it was only a kiss? Nothing else happened?”

Allena raised a brow. “You mean, did I jump his bones? No, of course not.”

Her sister sighed. "And missed the perfect opportunity.”

Allena’s skin heated. “I’m not wired that way. And I’m not about to start imagining it was anything other than a reckless, spur-of-the-moment thing on his part. All I have to do is get through the next two weeks, and then I’m out of there.”

Her sister looked at her with a gentle expression. “You’re hurt by it?”

She nodded. “I’m not going to start fantasising that this is anything other than him wanting to make sure his children are looked after by someone who loves them. Justin doesn’t look at me that way. He doesn’t really... see me, if that makes sense.”

“If he kissed you,” Tess reminded her, “then I’m pretty sure he sees you.”

“It didn’t mean anything.”

“Are you sure?” Tess asked gently. “Look, I understand why Justin would want to be with someone who loves his kids. I mean, I’d do anything to protect Charlie and make sure he’s safe and loved. And maybe, in his way, Justin does—”

“He doesn’t,” Allena said quickly, preempting her sister’s words. “I’ve turned his world upside down by quitting, and the best way he thinks he can fix the situation is by offering me a loveless marriage of convenience. Well, I can’t accept those terms when I want more.” She looked down at her sleepy nephew. “I want what you and Mitchael have. And I know I deserve that.”

She would never agree. Never settle. And never let him know how much she wanted to say yes.