Chapter 23
Justin met her gaze and saw the awareness in her expression. There was no denying it, no hiding it, and no way, he suspected, of trying to diffuse it. He couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been there between them—if it had been there all along and was just waiting to be fanned into life. “I should go.”
She nodded, stepping back. “Did you want to see me about something? I know I’m officially still on duty, but Cassie wanted to help Leah and Mittie with the baking, and Jayden was with you, so I—”
“I don’t watch your clock-in and clock-out times, Allena,” Justin said, dumping the shoeboxes on the bed. “I thought you might want to spend some time with the kids tonight, that’s all. Maybe watch a movie.”
“I should keep packing," she said, her words trailing off.
Justin saw the boxes scattered around the room. It added another layer of finality to the situation. The mood between them was tense and uncomfortable, and his foolish proposal was an elephant in the room. And they both knew it.
“I just thought that since the new nanny starts next week and the kids will be spending time with her, you might want to have some alone time with them.”
"Oh, you mean, you won’t be..."
“I mean, I’ll make myself scarce so you can relax and enjoy your time with them. Let’s face it, we’ve managed to avoid each other most of this week.”
She inhaled heavily. “I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“It?” he queried. “My marriage proposal? Well, for what it’s worth, I'm sorry.”
“You are?”
He nodded. “I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that last week. It was insensitive of me. I guess I wasn’t thinking rationally and didn’t consider how it would come across. I know I’m not the most romantic guy in the world, but... Well, it kind of made sense in my head at the time.”
“But not now?” she asked, her eyes flashing.
He shrugged uncomfortably. “I’m realizing I didn’t think about how it would make you feel.”
Justin reached out and grasped her hand, finding her skin warm to the touch. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t do anything other than stand still and look at him. "Allena, try not to be mad at me, okay?”
“I’m not mad,” she said, resting her palm over his hand.
“Promise me you won’t do anything rash?”
“Rash?”
“Like run off with your fireman,” he said, feeling the effect of her touch race through his blood like a wildfire. “Not until we've... I don’t know... sorted out this thing between us.”
“There’s nothing between us except four years of you signing my paychecks. Anything else you’re suggesting is only there because it suits. I can’t make any promises. I’m leaving, and you’ve hired yourself a new nanny, and life will go on.”
She removed her hand and stepped back, pulling free of his grasp. “So, that’s it, Justin. Thank you for being a good employer.”
His insides contracted. “Allena, don’t—”
“You have to let me go,” she said breathlessly, taking another step back. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
She walked away, and as her silhouette disappeared through the doorway, Justin experienced a sharp pain deep in his chest, recognising it exactly for what it was. Hurt. Grief. Loss. Things he’d experienced before. Things he’d programmed himself to never consciously feel again. But the sense of solitude he felt in that moment was paralyzing. Allena was leaving, and he would have to face life without her. A fact that made him feel so lonely that he could barely breathe.
Leaving the De Nero ranch was one of the hardest things Allena had ever done. With her car packed and the remainder of her belongings being stored at the villa, Allena said her goodbyes to the kids, feeling as though her heart was being torn out of her chest. Cassie clung to her, and the new nanny had to gently unwind the child’s arms from around Allena’s waist. Jayden
was subdued, but he held onto her for a long time. Mittie, Leah, and Igor all hugged her. And Justin shook her hand.
Shook her hand?
Everyone noticed. How could they not? And she wondered, as she watched them all in turn, if they had guessed the real reason why she was leaving. Justin, of course, had no clue. He’d stopped asking. The truth was, they’d stopped talking. The final week had been the hardest, with handing over the reins to the new nanny and feeling the kids’ unhappiness through to the marrow in her bones. Allena had spent all her time either with the new nanny, the children, or holed up in her room, avoiding him.
She waved as she drove off and burst into tears the moment she turned out of the driveway.
The Obal Hotel was a good place to relax and refocus. She’d booked herself a suite with a small balcony and a great view of the ocean and the hills. Her first night had been strange, like she was vacationing somewhere and would soon go back to her real life. Realising the hotel and the current situation were now her real life had a polarising effect, and she spent most of.
Saturday morning, walking around the suite in a daze, drinking tea, ordering room service, hinking, napping, and dreaming.
Late Saturday afternoon, her cell rang, and Bobby’s familiar voice quickly made her smile.
“Hey, beautiful!”
He always called her that. Always made her feel good about herself. He was a nice man.
someone she could potentially fall in love with. If she gave him the chance,.
They talked for a few minutes about the weather and his parrot, Waldo, before he suggested they meet up. Again.
"Now that you’ve left your job, there’s nothing holding you back, right?” he asked.
“Yes, nothing,” she agreed, knowing she was still in love with her ex-boss and that she needed time to get over it, if she even could. But she didn’t say that to Bobby. “We’ll set it up soon, I promise. I have a couple of job interviews in the town lined up early next week,” she said and explained about the two admin positions she’d recently applied for and had been successful in securing interviews for.
“You know, there are jobs in London,” he said, chuckling. “In fact, there’s a part-time receptionist job going on at the fire station. Wouldn’t that be great? We could see each other all the
time.”
She longed to share his enthusiasm. “We’ll see, okay.”
“You’d love it here. London is all heart. Cold and amazing.”
Like he did, she suspected. There was something open and earnest about Bobby. He wasn’t afraid to talk about feelings. On paper, he was the perfect guy. The only thing was, Allena wasn’t sure he was the perfect guy for her.
“Tell me, how was the interview?” her sister asked on Tuesday afternoon when she called.
Allena held the cell close to her ear and dropped into the sofa. “It was good. I’ll know more next week. How’s Charlie?”
“Perfect,” Tess said. “Don’t forget the christening on Saturday.”
“Of course I won’t. I’m looking forward to it. I bought a new dress.”
Her sister was quiet for a moment, and then sighed. “Are you really okay?”
Allena swallowed hard. “I miss the kids a lot,” she admitted, her insides crunching.
“I’m sure they miss you, too.”
The ache in her chest amplified. For days, she’d had pain deep down and knew it was grief. She missed Cassie and Jayden so much that it hurt. “I feel like I’ve abandoned them,” she said, admitting it to herself and her sister for the first time. “And like, a piece of my heart is missing.”
“You love them,” Tess reminded her. “It’s natural you’d feel this way. Do you regret turning down Justin’s proposal?”
“No,” she replied quickly. Justin didn’t love her. Sure, she believed he cared, and they had become friends over the years—but that was all. And it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. “I don’t want that kind of marriage. I need more than that, Tess. You know Justin doesn’t love me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” she replied, her heart heavy. “And he never will.”