Chapter 26

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say at the christening tomorrow?” Allena asked, trying to keep the conversation neutral. “Tess did ask us both to say a few words.”

He nodded. “It’s quite the responsibility. My late wife was an atheist, so we never got Jayden or Cassie baptized. I figured they could get it done when they’re older if they wished to.”

“I never knew that about her,” Allena mused, then decided to dip her toe in a bit further. “You know, you don’t talk about her a lot.”

Justin shrugged. “It’s a bit of a double-edged sword, I suppose. If I say too much, it can upset the kids. If I don’t say enough, well, that can upset them, too. Since Cassie has no memory of her, it’s difficult for her to understand that Jayne is her mother. The truth is, the only mom my daughter has ever had, Allena, is you.”

In her heart, Allena knew his words were true. “I never planned on loving them so much,” she admitted.

He nodded. “I know. I guess, after her death, I never planned that I’d find someone who was so easy for them to love. But I did. And it worked. My kids are well-balanced, happy, and a real joy. And you are a huge part of that, Allena. I know you think I proposed because it would fix everything—and maybe at first that played into it.” Her expression flared, but he put up a hand, gesturing that she let him finish. "But it’s not only that, I assure you. The truth is, I don’t know how my kids can be happy or whole without you. And that terrifies me.”

Allena sat perfectly still, watching him, seeing a vulnerability in his expression she’d never witnessed before. Sure, she’d seen him cheerful, irritated, impatient, and amused. But this was different. This was raw and real. This was the Justin she’d always longed to see. But she couldn’t compromise herself—not even for the children she cared for so deeply. She had to get him to understand. “It’s you they need, Justin. And you’re such a good father.”

“I don’t think I’m enough,” he admitted.

“Of course you are,” she assured him and touched his arm, feeling the muscles bunch against her palm. “And you said you wanted to spend more time with them? Isn’t that why you hired a part-time nanny?”

“I did that because the idea of replacing you was inconceivable and, frankly, impossible.”

His hand covered hers, and the intimacy was excruciating. Allena looked down, noticing his bare ring finger, and, for a moment, thought about how easy it would be to say yes. Yes, to staying. Yes to marriage.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not without love. He removed his hand, and so did she, and when their meals arrived soon after, the tone of the conversation was much less dramatic for the next hour. But underneath the small talk, tension simmered. He looked so effortlessly handsome in his dark jeans, blue shirt, and leather jacket. His hair was a little longer than usual, and she wondered if he’d forgotten to get it cut. His glasses had slipped down the bridge of his nose, and he pushed them up. Allena’s heart rolled at the gesture, and she quickly felt herself getting sucked back into his vortex, which was highly impractical since she’d spent the best part of her week talking herself out of having any feelings for Justin whatsoever. But proximity was a funny thing. And being so close—seeing the tiny crinkles around his eyes and the dimple in his cheek—was enough to set her feelings into overdrive.

She ate quickly, drank the remainder of her spritzer and declined dessert, anxious for the evening to end so she could resume her hibernation at the hotel and stop wishing for the moon.

“Would you like another drink?” he asked.

Allena listened to the slow country song now being played by the band and shook her head, thinking that what she really wanted was to dance with him and feel his strong arms around her.

Although Justin didn’t dance. Not ever.

“Did you dance at your wedding to Jayne?”

He shook his head. “We got married at the courthouse and had a small reception afterward. Jayne wasn’t much of a dancer, thankfully,” he added with a rueful look. “She had two left feet, like me.”

“You can’t be that bad?”

He nodded. “I am. Isn’t there something you’re bad at?”

Falling out of love with you…

She shrugged. “I’m terrible at Scrabble.”

“I know,” he said and grinned. “I beat your pants off every time.” He paused for a moment, his

gaze settling on her mouth. “I mean…not literally.”

The moment he said the words, Allena’s skin scorched, because the image was too hot to

contemplate. She managed a smile, despite the way her heart pounded. “I think it’s time to go.”

He nodded. “You’re probably right.”

He signaled to the waitress for the check and within minutes they were outside and walking through the parking lot. It was a cool night and when she shivered Justin automatically slipped offhis jacket and placed it around her shoulders.

“Thank you,” she said and felt warmth seep through to her bones.

She tripped on a pebble and Justin quickly grasped her hand, steadying her. Her hand remained clasped within his until they reached the car and she waited as he opened the passenger door.

Conscious that he was directly behind her, she turned so she was facing him, tilting her neck to meet his gaze. The tension between them was palpable. The awareness hot and heady. It had been building all evening. No, she corrected…it had been building for weeks. Ever since they’d spent those couple of hours at the cabin by the river. Now here they were, alone, after a…date? It was crazy. Everything that had happened between them in the past few weeks bombarded her thoughts.

Her resignation. The kiss. His proposal. It was emotional chaos on a giant scale, because for so long she’d lived emotionally sheltered, not giving any part of herself up, not falling in love, not living in her own present.

“Allena…”

He said her name on a whisper, moving closer, one hand moving around to gently cup her nape,

and she shuddered, totally lost. “Justin…please…”

“Damn it, Allena,” he rasped out, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath against her cheek. “I’ve tried to ignore my feelings for you, honestly I have. But I just can’t do it anymore, and—”

“You’re saying that to get what you want,” she rushed back, swallowing hard and feeling his nearness envelope her like a cloak. “To get me to agree to marry you.”

“I’m not,” he assured her, his thumb drawing tiny patterns on her neck. “I’m saying it because it’s true. I didn’t expect this to happen. I’ve programmed myself to look at and think of you in a certain way. Now everything has changed.” He sighed. “Tell me you feel the same.”

What she felt was his body almost touching hers. “I do,” she admitted breathlessly.

"Allena..." he said her name again, almost as though it hurt him, and pressed his forehead against hers, the feeling startlingly intimate despite its chasteness. Then he pulled away. “I’ll take you back to the hotel.”

He moved, pulling away, and as their bodies parted, Allena experienced an acute and immediate sense of loss. And suddenly, more than anything, she wanted his arms around her. She pressed closer and moved her hands to his shoulders, holding him steady. “Justin, please. Kiss me.”

Justin moaned. “Kissing you won’t be enough.”

“I know,” she breathed, clutching his shoulders. “But kiss me anyway.”