Chapter 27

Justin looked down into her lovely face, noticing every line and every sweet angle. There was something so incredibly sexy about her, and as he took her mouth in a searing kiss, the sensation almost buckled him at the knees. She was pressed against him, her lovely curves soft against the hard angles of his chest. He deepened the kiss and gently anchored her head with one hand. Leaning closer, he ran one hand down her side, lingered at the underside of her breast, and felt her ribcage through the fabric of her dress.

“Allena,” he whispered against her mouth. “Tell me to stop.”

“I can’t,” she said and gripped harder, digging her fingers into his shoulders. “I don’t want you to stop.”

Justin pressed closer until they were leaning against the car, angling her head so their kiss could have the deepest contact. It had been a long time since he’d been intimate with anyone, but he knew that the feeling of having Allena in his arms was unlike anything he’d experienced before. She was soft and breathtakingly feminine, and her breasts were pushed against him, driving him to distraction and turning his need into a desire that coursed through his blood like wildfire.

He ran a hand down her back and over her hip, and he bunched the dress in his hand, finding the skin soft beneath the fabric. He groaned, kissing her deeper, bringing his palm around the full curve of her bottom, and drawing her closer. For a few crazy moments, he didn’t have enough air in his lungs or enough ground beneath his feet. All he could feel was Allena, the smooth skin beneath his palm, and the erotic tease of her underwear against his fingertips. Never in his life had he felt such intense sexual desire.

Justin wanted to touch her all over, to strip her bare and witness the flush across every inch of her lovely skin, to worship her breasts with his hands and mouth, to taste every dip and curve, and to find oblivion within the sweet depths of her body.

She groaned against his mouth, and Justin trailed kisses along her jaw, then found a sensitive spot at the base of her throat. Her hands were in his hair, kneading his scalp, and she pushed her hips forward, coming into direct contact with his unmistakable arousal.

More turned on than he ever had been in his life, Justin moved lower and touched her intimately, and the sensation made him ache with a kind of need he didn’t know he possessed. She moaned, saying his name, pushing against his hand as he stroked her, and he could feel her climax building when he heard a sound in the distance—a car door slamming and a shot of laughter.

Sanity returned, and he realised where they were and what they were doing—making out, practically having sex—in the parking lot of a busy restaurant.

He pulled back quickly and removed his hand from beneath her dress, immediately straightening the fabric. She was breathing hard, staring at him with a mixture of shock and disbelief, her lips reddened from his kisses, her cheeks flushed, her breasts heaving, and her hands shaking.

The inevitable groping at the end of the evening by some oversexed Neanderthal...

His sister’s words came rushing back to him with appalling clarity, and shame pressed down on his shoulders. He wasn’t that guy. He’d never been that guy. He respected women. Okay, he’d slept with a few girlfriends over the years but ultimately married the only woman he’d ever loved. He definitely wasn’t the guy who made out in a parking lot like a horny teenager.

Except that up until about thirty seconds ago, he had been that guy.

“I’ll take you back to the hotel,” he said quietly, fueled by a stab of self-loathing. He would never disrespect Allena; he cared about her too much. But he had. Big time. She was silent on the drive back to the town centre, and Justin was shamefully glad for the temporary reprieve. But he knew they needed to clear the air.

“Allena,” he said as they pulled into the hotel parking area, “I think we should—”

“Good night, Justin,” she said, and she grabbed the door handle.

“Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?” he asked. “We could go to the christening together.”

She shook her head. “I’m riding Star tomorrow, so I’ll be at the villa early. I’ll see you at the chapel.”

“Allena,” he said quickly, “can’t we at least talk about—”

“No,” she said tautly. “I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget this whole evening ever happened.”

“How can we?” he asked, his chest so tight he could barely breathe. “This is real, Allena. It’s not just going to go away.”

“Yes, it will,” she said, taking a long breath. “I can’t believe you, Justin. I never imagined you would be the kind of man to toy with someone’s feelings. Especially mine.”

He went to touch her arm to comfort her, but she pulled away. “I’m not, I promise you.”

“You are,” she said, shuddering. “You just don’t know it.”

She got out quickly and shut the door. He watched as she strode towards the hotel, then disappeared into the foyer. Justin remained where he was for a few minutes and then drove home. Once he was back at the ranch, he checked on the kids and saw a note from Leah saying they’d gone to bed early and she was bunking in the spare room.

He took a shower, as cold as he could stand, and spent the next couple of hours staring at the ceiling. When he finally drifted off to sleep, he was plagued by dreams of Allena and woke up late, groggy, and feeling as though he needed to hibernate for a couple of days to set his mind straight. But he had things to do and a family who needed him, so he worked out for half an hour, then showered, and at eight o’clock he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen.

Stopping by to check on the kids, he found both of them up, still dressed in their pyjamas, and playing in their rooms. He chatted with each of them for a few minutes and then followed the scent of freshly brewed coffee down the hall.

Mittie was behind the countertop, scraping out leftover oatmeal from the kids’ plates, and Leah was perched on a stool, reading something on her cell phone.

His sister’s brows rose curiously when she spotted him. “Rough night?”

He raised a dismissive hand. “I’m really not in the mood.”

“Did you make things worse?” Leah asked, relentless.

Mitie tutted. “Can you two stop squabbling? Your brother hasn’t even had any caffeine yet.”

Justin grabbed a coffee mug. “Where’s Dad?” he asked, noting that Ivan wasn’t sitting at his usual spot at the table. “I thought he was coming over this morning?”

“He’s not feeling well,” Leah replied. “He texted me earlier and said he was going back to bed.”

Justin frowned. “He’s never sick.”

She nodded. “I know. But he said he’s been battling a headache for a few days and feels dizzy. You know, Dad—he doesn’t like to make a fuss. I’ll stop by his place later and check on him. So, how was your date?”

“Fine,” he replied. “Thanks for watching the kids last night. I’m going to take them to see their mom this morning.”

Mittie’s expression narrowed. “You haven’t done that for a while.”

“I know,” he said soberly. “I don’t want them to forget who their mother is.”

“Jayne’s in all our hearts,” his grandmother said gently. “And I know she’s in yours. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for someone else," Justin sighed. “I know. But the kids need to understand that Allena is not their mom and that she’s not coming back here to work.”

Half an hour later, he bundled the kids into the SUV and headed for the cemetery. His wife was buried alongside her mother, who’d had her late in life and died when Jayne was in her teens. Her father was a professional card player and had abandoned his family when Jayne was a baby. She had no siblings, no real relatives who lived close, just an uncle and aunt who had moved to Ohio years ago. Looking at her gravestone and watching as the kids placed flowers there, Justin was overcome with an acute sense of loss and sadness. He missed her, but lately there were times when he couldn’t quite recall what kind of marriage they’d had. Mostly happy, he believed. Although deep down, he knew he never quite understood Jayne’s overwhelming need to be in the air. Sure, he’d loved her and supported her, but he also knew her passion for flying sometimes kept them emotionally as well as physically apart.

And somehow, as he’d grieved for her over the last four or so years, he’d gotten on with the job of raising his children with someone else. Even if someone else was on the payroll.

“Do you think Mommy misses us?” Jayden asked quietly, coming to Justin’s side and

grasping his hand.

“Yes, buddy,” Justin said, swallowing the tightness in his throat. “I’m sure she does.”

“I miss her, too,” Jayden said. “Allena says it’s okay for me to talk to Mommy sometimes, even if Mommy doesn’t answer.”

“Allena’s right,” Justin said, aching inside.

Jayden sighed. “Maybe I should talk to Allena, too,” he said. “Even though she’s not living with us anymore," he paused. “I miss Allena reading me stories.”

Justin crouched down and placed his hands on his son’s shoulders. “I know you do. We all miss her.”

As he said the words, Justin realised the truth in them. He missed her. And not simply because she looked after his children. But because she was integral to his family and to him,.

“I wish Allena was my mommy,” Cassie said, snuggling up next to them.

There were tears in his daughter’s eyes, and Justin swallowed the lump in his throat. Rather than give the kids some closure regarding their mother, bringing them to the cemetery had only amplified how much they missed Allena, their surrogate mom, in nearly every way. The new nanny was efficient, accommodating, and a lovely woman, but he knew the kids would never feel the love from her that they needed. A mother’s love. Like they’d received from Allena.