Chapter 35
She headed to her room and called her sister, explaining that Bobby had shown up—leaving out any mention of Justin.
“And is he everything you hoped for?” Tess asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “He’s very nice. And he seems to like me.”
“Of course he likes you,” Tess assured her. “You’re amazing. Have a good time, and stay safe. Text me when you get back to your room.”
She dressed in jeans, a bright red shirt, and boots, and she met Bobby in the foyer at exactly six o’clock. They walked the half-block to the pizza place and quickly got a booth. They ordered pizza with extra pineapple and were just about to tuck in their first slices when she saw Justin walk into the restaurant, holding Cassie in his arms while Jayden walked by his side.
Her heart rolled over at the sight of them, and a deep-rooted longing made every part of her ache. Her eyes burned, and she blinked, pushing back the tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. It was never meant to be this hard.
“Everything okay?”
Bobby’s query forced her to nod and avert her gaze, but not before she saw Justin glance in her direction. And his look almost ended her.
Allena saw him collect a takeout order and then leave quickly, and she was glad the kids hadn’t noticed her. She was back at the hotel an hour later and said good-night to Bobby. He kissed her lightly, and although she sensed he wanted more, he didn’t try to persuade his way into her room or her bed. It was a nice, gentle kiss. With zero impact.
And, she suspected they both knew it.
Over breakfast the following morning, Allena told Bobby that she didn’t have the feelings for him that either of them had hoped for. He took it well, better than she expected or deserved. And he assured her that there were no hard feelings. She knew he was disappointed and obviously a little hurt, but he was a gentleman, and she suggested they remain friends.
“Is there someone else?” Bobby asked and smiled.
She shrugged. “There’s the idea of someone else.”
“Your ex boss?” he queried. “The one I met yesterday? I’m guessing it’s him.”
She nodded, her chest tightening. “How did you know?”
“You talk about him a lot.”
She was startled by his words. “I don’t remember doing that.”
“You talked about the kids a lot. He was part of the package. I figured it out pretty early on. You’ve loved him for a long time, right?”
She nodded. “You could say that. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to lead you on or make you think I was ready for a relationship.”
He sat back in his seat. “I think you are ready, just not with me.” He smiled at her—a little sadly, she thought. “But maybe, when you’re ready, we could still be friends?”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
He got to his feet and held out his hand. “Goodbye, Allena.”
She shook his hand, relieved that he didn’t try to kiss her again. And when he left the hotel a short time later, Allena didn’t have a spark of regret. In midmorning, she got a call from Justin and ignored it. Followed by a text. Which she also ignored. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to see him.
She did, however, call her sister.
“I’m tired of living at the hotel. Can I come and stay with you for a while?”
“Of course,” Tess declared. “And I insist you come now.”
She didn’t need any more encouragement and quickly packed her bags, settled her bill at the front desk, and left for the villa. Her sister greeted her with smiles and hugs, and with so much love, Allena burst into tears.
“Oh, Tess,” she said as her sister hugged her shoulders and they walked up to the house. “I don’t know what to do.” She explained quickly about Bobby.
“I guess you can’t force love, eh?” Tess said gently as they settled in the guest room upstairs.
“Nope. Bobby is a nice guy—really nice. And he took it like a champion. He asked if we could be friends, and I thought it might be nice to have a male friend—I’ve not had one of those since college. I mean, the only other guy I hang out with is Mitchael, and he’s my brother-in-law, so he doesn’t count. I guess Jake and the rest of Mitchael’s brothers are all kind of in the friend zone.”
“And Justin?”
“I’m not sure friend-zone fits anymore,” she said and coloured hotly as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Tess’s eyes widened into saucers. “You had sex with him?”
She nodded. “Don’t be mad at me,” she said quickly. “It was after Igor was rushed to the hospital. You know how I went and watched the kids, and then Justin came home, and we... I don’t know, it was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself.”
Her sister nodded. “Don’t be silly—I’m not mad. I’m concerned that you’re going to get your heart broken.”
“Too late.”
“So, he just what?” Tess asked. “Used you for comfort sex because his father was sick?”
“No, it wasn’t like that,” Allena said in defence, hating that her sister thought so badly of him. “He actually proposed again.”
“And?”
“Well, he’s done that before, and this time was just as bad.”
Tess didn’t bother to hide her concern. “Hang on. Justin asked you to marry him again, and you refused again?”
She nodded. “He thinks it would be a great idea because the kids love me and everything would stay the same. I could go back to living at the ranch, have a baby, and the world would turn as per usual. It’s quite the offer, don’t you think?”
Tess hugged her. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”
Allena sighed. “The thing is, as crazy as it seems, I do want to marry Justin. I want to be with the kids. And I want to have a baby with him. But I can’t do it without…without…”
“His love?”
She nodded. “He’s pretty much made it clear that’s not on the table. Companionship, friendship, and sex—that's the offer.”
“He actually said that?”
“No,” she replied. “But I know Justin. I know how he thinks. I know how he tends to overthink things. I want a partnership, and I want the father of my children to need me as much as I need him. I want the kind of love you have with Mitchael or like our parents have.”
“And you’re sure you can’t have that with Justin?” Tess asked.
“He’s asked me to marry him more than once in the past couple of weeks,” she admitted. “And on none of those occasions did he mention anything about how he really feels—only about how sensible the arrangement would be.” She shook her head.
“Maybe he just can’t love anyone anymore. Not after..." She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Not after his wife.”
Of course, she didn’t quite believe that. She knew Justin had a great capacity for love. She’d witnessed that love firsthand when he was with his children and his whole family. Even when he was married to Jayne, on the few occasions she had seen them together, she remembered him being attentive and loving.
Maybe it’s just me? Perhaps I’m not the kind of woman that a man falls crazy in love with.
The truth was, she’d had very little romance in her life and never had a man say he loved her. The relationships she’d had in college were too young and too brief to really be about that kind of emotion. She hiccupped back a sob for a moment, thinking about how it made her feel, as though she was unlovable and dull. And then she scolded herself for being ridiculous. Just because Justin hadn’t fallen madly in love with her, it didn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. The only thing was that she didn’t want anyone else.
“I need to forget about this and think about what I can control,” she announced, determined to put it all behind her. She quickly told her sister about the interview in the newspaper. “It went well, I think.
It’s only part-time, but with my savings, I can manage with that for a while. And another woman at a job I interviewed for last week wants to bring me back again for a second interview, so we’ll see.”
“Well, I insist you live here with us,” Tess said firmly. “Until you work out where you want to be. And don’t say no,” her sister added when Allena held up her hand. “Mitchael will insist, too.”
Allena nodded agreeably. “I don’t quite know what’s come over me. I never used to be sentimental and sappy, and... I don’t know,” she said and sighed, “pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic,” Tess said firmly and sat beside her. “You have a broken heart. Remember how I was an emotional wreck when I came back last year—pregnant after a one-night stand with my ex-husband, whom I had convinced myself had no feelings left for me whatsoever? You were my rock back then, Allena. Let me be your rock now. That’s what families do for each other.”
Tears returned to her eyes, and she blinked quickly. She needed a rock. She needed a safe harbour. She needed Justin.
And he, she suspected, needed her. Making love with him had cemented in her heart what she knew—that he was as vulnerable as she, and as alone. The intimacy they’d shared was more real than any she’d shared before—the words he whispered against her skin were from a place deep down, where secrets and fears lay.
I’m so tired of loss…
There had been real pain in those words, and she understood. But she wasn’t going to force his hand. If he wanted her, he needed to come for her with his heart exposed and not hide behind words about marrying her because it was good for the kids. It would be, she was sure. But it wasn't enough. No, she wanted it all.
All or nothing.