Chapter 36

In all his life, Justin has never felt more emotionally out of control. Even when Jayne and his mother had died, he’d been able to focus, to put all his energy into raising the kids, to his job, and to help Igor and Leah work through their grief. But this was different.

This was pain on a whole new level. It was something for the love of God so different he couldn't fathom.

Seeing her at the pizza with the fireman had broken him up inside. She was on a date.

Enjoying herself. Talking, laughing. Sharing her life with another man.

He called Allena Friday morning, longing to hear her voice and talk, but it went to her voicemail. He texted, and she didn’t respond. It galvanised him into action, and on Friday afternoon he went back to the O’SullIgor hotel, only to discover she’d checked out. Gone. Run off with her fireman.

Man, I’m an idiot.

Pain set in, lodging in his chest like a knife. And jealousy—the unrelenting kind that made his gut churn and his heart ache behind his ribs.

He hurt all over. He should have fought harder, and now he’d lost her because he was unable to admit what he was feeling.

He drove home and was faced with the news from the new nanny that she was resigning. She liked the job, and the kids were lovely, but she missed looking after her own grandchildren full-time too much and was moving in with her daughter’s family.

Right. He had no clue what to do. Close down the practice for a couple of weeks until he

found a new nanny? Since Mittie was leaving for her Asian trip soon, Leah was looking after their dad, and Tess had a young baby, he was all out of child-sitting options.

“Did you at least insist on a couple of weeks’ notice?” Leah asked early on Saturday morning. She’d dropped by the ranch to go through the contractor's quote for getting a ramp installed at Igor’s so he could easily manoeuvre his wheelchair into the house. The kids were still in bed, and he was on to his second cup of coffee.

Justin shrugged. “She said she’d stay a week. But honestly, I don’t want someone here who wants to be somewhere else. The kids would pick up on it, and they’re feeling fragile enough at the moment. I don’t want an unwilling nanny added to the mix,” he said wearily.

He’d had a crappy night’s sleep, spending most of the night staring at the ceiling and imagining he could still pick up the traces of Allena’s perfume in the bed sheets. Which was ridiculous since the linen had been changed many times since then. But he’d be damned if he didn’t feel as though he inhaled the scent every time he sucked in a breath.

“I’ll help out, of course, at least when I can. What are you going to do?”

“Get a new nanny.”

“And…what else?”

He shrugged again. “I have no idea.”

“Daddy?”

Justin turned in his seat and spotted his son in the doorway. “Yes, buddy?”

“Cassie and I don’t want a new nanny,” he said matter-of-factly. “We just want Allena.”

He exhaled heavily. “I know you do, but Allena isn’t—”

“Allena loves us,” Jayden said simply. “And we love her. Why don’t we tell her that, so she’ll come home?”

Justin stared at his son and an odd sensation formed in the centre of his chest. He wasn’t sure how he could tell his son the truth—that Allena had left town. Of course, he didn’t have any real proof. But since she wasn’t at the hotel, it was fair to assume she’d simply gone off-grid with her fireman for a while—an image he really didn’t want to think about. He considered asking Leah to track her down, then changed his mind because the notion was too humiliating. And he didn’t want any more of his sister’s advice. Then he thought about calling Tess and instead decided to take the kids to the villa for a visit and as a way of exorcising the demons raging through his system. He’d get straight talk from Mitchael, which was what he needed. He had to forget about any fantasy he had regarding Allena—she’d made her choice when she sent him away.

It was midmorning when he pulled up at the villa’s ranch. The kids sped up the pathway, headed straight for the house, and Justin quickly followed. Mitchael greeted him on the front porch with a handshake, and they walked inside.

“You look like crap, dead, actually,” Mitchael said bluntly. “Not sleeping?”

“Not much.”

Mitchael shook his head. “You screwed up, huh?”

Justin ignored the dig. “How’s my godson?” he asked as they walked down the hall and made their way to the kitchen.

“Perfect in every way,” Mitchael said of his son. “I never imagined I’d enjoy fatherhood so much.”

Justin nodded. “Brings life into perspective.”

“It certainly does. As does being married to the woman I love. I feel like the luckiest man on the planet.”

“That must be a nice feeling.”

“It is,” Mitchael replied. “I’m very grateful that Tess forgave me for being an idiot and took me back.”

“I miss being married,” Justin admitted. “As much as I enjoy your company, I miss having a woman to talk to, one who isn’t my sister or grandmother, or cousin. After Jayne died, I never imagined I’d feel something for someone else, but I did… I do,” he said, and shrugged. “Too late to wonder what might have happened.”

“Too late?” Mitchael inquired and grabbed a couple of sodas from the refrigerator as the kids sat up at the countertop. “Why is that?”

“Allena’s gone,” he said quietly so the kids couldn’t hear. “She took off with her fireman.”

Mitchael’s brows shot up. “She did?”

Fuck! He nodded. “She checked out of the hotel yesterday and won’t return my calls.”

“Did you give her a reason not to?”

He sighed. “Admittedly, I’ve behaved stupidly about some things. But I can’t believe she ran off with some guy she just met. It’s so unlike her.”

“You think you know Allena pretty well, don’t you?”

Justin frowned. “Well…yeah.”

Mitchael laughed and shook his head. “Be back in a minute,” he said, leaving the room.

Justin got to his feet and moved to the counter, listening to Jayden talk about his plans for the day when he heard movement from the door. He spun and then reeled back in surprise.

Allena stood at the door in jeans, a T-shirt, and cowboy boots. He said her name and frowned. “What are you doing?”

She pointed to her cowboy boots. “Going riding on Star.”

“I mean, what are you doing here?” he demanded.

“I live here,” she said, holding out a hand for each of the kids as they jumped off their stools and raced towards her. “Well, for the moment.”

“Allena, Allena!” Jayden chanted happily and then proceeded to tell her about his week at school, while Cassie begged to be picked up and cuddled before talking about the new dress her aunt had bought her. “Our new nanny isn’t going to look after us anymore,” Jayden announced.

Justin shrugged when Allena shot him a curious look. “She quit. Happening to me a lot lately.”

A smile touched the corners of her lips. “I can’t imagine why.”

“We miss you,” Jayden said, looking at Justin. “Don’t we, Dad?”

Justin didn’t respond, still reeling from the fact that she was at the ranch and not on the run with her fireman boyfriend. “You live here?” he echoed blankly.

She nodded. “I’m staying for a while.”

“I thought you'd..."

His words trailed off, and she made an irritated face. “You thought I’d what?”

“Gone to London,” he admitted. “Left town.”