Chapter 78
Chase smiled, his thumb pad stroked over her beauty spot, his eyes still holding hers in a penetrating tether. “But I have a feeling you’re not as ambitious as you make out, wife?”
Amaya forced herself not to shift her gaze but to hold him without wavering. How could he know how conflicted she felt about her career? Of course, the specialist department can wait, but yeah, being his assistant is considerably her career for now. She thought to herself.
She had barely acknowledged it to herself. She hadn’t even talked about it with Mary. She’d played the ‘career girl’ card for years. Work had always been her top priority before Tommy. But if she interrupted her career path with a baby again, what would happen to her place on the ladder? And did she even care? Amaya slipped out of his hold and held on to the side of the table.
“Did you even talk about this Chicago plan of yours to Tommy?" she asked.
“Not yet; I just got the email earlier. I haven’t even had time for a call yet. But guess what?”
“What?”
“I really don’t know how women do it—have a family and keep their career on track. I mean, am I doing it right?”
“About what?” She raised her brow.
“About Tommy?” He put his hands on her shoulders from behind, his body brushing hers with its warm, hard temptation. “Just smile. People are watching from the glass wall," he whispered. “Understand?”
She nodded her head and faked a smile towards the man. “These things have a way of working themselves out, Amaya. Your circumstances might be completely different in a year or two. But I love your son like my own. Don't worry so much!”
Oh God! He is going to hate me!
Yes, she would be divorced and single again. Worse, he’ll take Tommy from her.
Amaya turned around, her arms automatically going around his waist as if she had no will of her own to resist him. But then she didn’t. Not one little bit of willpower. She leaned her head against Chase’s chest, his hand stroking the back of her head in a soothing motion. What if her body decided for her? She was on the pill, but it was a low-dose one, and she was woefully lax at taking it. They had made love numerous times without a condom. What if she was already pregnant again with a honeymoon baby? But, even if she was, it didn’t change the fact that
Chase didn’t love her. Not the way she wanted to be loved. Totally. Unconditionally. Bringing a baby into a marriage that wasn’t based on love would not be the best start in life for a child. She knew that already.
Didn’t she see that every working day? Children traumatised by their parents’ arguing, or worse, marked for life with the memories of their care-givers at bitter war with each other, sometimes even after the divorce. Didn't she bear similar scars herself? Her parents hadn’t fought overtly with each other, but she had seen the stone-walling and cold-shoulder treatment from her mother and the paybacks with affairs and long absences from her father. Was it any wonder she had issues with trust? Big issues?
Chase brought up her chin, his gaze meshing with hers. “You act well." He pressed a soft kiss to her mouth and drew back to smile lopsidedly at her.
A few days later, Amaya got a phone call from Chase later that evening, when she got home from work. She had been waiting on tenterhooks all day for his name to pop up on her screen, and the little kick of excitement when it finally did made her realise how much she’d missed him in the last twenty-four hours. Not that he was in his hotel; he was out all the time, leaving her to worry about phone calls and emails.
“Hi. How was your day?”
“Don’t ask." Chase's tone was flat and jaded. “I’ve got to fly to New York in an hour. I’m at the airport now. I probably won’t be back until Friday. Sorry.”
"Oh, that's too bad. Is it something serious?”
“Just business stuff.”
“You can talk to me about it, you know,” Amaya said with more tartness than she would have liked. “I’m not some nineteen-fifties housewife who has no idea of how the real world works.”
He gave a rough-edged sigh. “My client is an Italian millionaire who wants some face-to-face time over a design we’re working on for him.”
“Couldn’t you have sent someone in your place? You do have other people working for you, don’t you?”
Now she was starting to sound like a nineteen-fifties housewife. “He’s a difficult client,” Chase said. “But his business is too valuable to compromise. I won’t be away long—three days, five at the max. But enough about my business. How was it back at work? I'm sorry about leaving you with the phone calls at the office. I can only trust you.”
“Oh, it's okay, you know, the usual stuff.” Amaya paused and added, “Have you spoken to Justin lately?”
“Not since I left. Why?” Chase asked, clearly taken aback by the change of topic.
“Just asking.”
“Just asking…why?”
Amaya chewed at her lip for a beat. “I'm just curious if he messaged you or talked to you.”
Chase gave a deep chuckle. “Yes, well, knowing him, it's either he went on with his life or been in deep shit again. I have no idea. Justin wouldn’t have taken advantage of your friend if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
“Yeah,” Amaya said.
“Something wrong?” Chase on the other line, furrowed his forehead.
“God, no. I think it’s best if we keep him and my friend out of it. I mean, he had issues with his flings, and I don't want him to—I mean, I don't want to be a bother. We have enough problems of our own to interfere in anyone else’s.”
Another silence ticked past.
Amaya added, "I mean, we have to sort out stuff, you know?” Amaya said.
“I thought we discussed that.”
“But what are people going to say when they find out we’re not a normal couple? The media will feed on us,” Amaya said with annoyance in her voice. “We pretend and act with hardly the behaviour of a normal couple.”
Chase groaned, “Then stop acting. Problem solved.”
What the hell was he supposed to mean by that?
Stop acting?
What?
“Stop acting?"She was finally able to ask.
“Yes,” he said eagerly. “It makes sense to not act, but I know your job matters, and your son and friends matter. You choose Amaya.”
What the hell was he supposed to mean by that?
Asshole! She thought. “Why do I have to be the one who compromises?”
“It isn’t about compromising, Amaya. It’s about doing what’s sensible.” Chase sounded as if he were talking to a child who had failed to grasp the simplest information. Amaya wished she were still wearing her heels so she could dig them into the carpet.
“So far, I’ve made all the sacrifices in this relationship. You simply get on with your life as if nothing’s changed.”
“Look, I have to go,” he said. “I’ll call you later.”
Amaya put the phone down and sighed. It wasn’t the most satisfying way to end a conversation. But so far, the only satisfying thing about their relationship was the sex. And even that was out of the question now, with Chase travelling hundreds of miles away for days on end. Maybe she was being silly about the house. It made sense to use the bigger of the two. It was a big step for her, but not as big as marrying him. How could she expect him to fall in love with her if she kept harping on silly little issues that weren’t worth worrying about? Do you expect him to fall in love with you? Amaya chewed her lip until the skin felt raw. Was it too much of a dream to hope he would?