Chapter 80

Chase frowned. “Tell me about what?” A muscle tightened in the lower quadrant of his jaw.

He thought sleeping with Amaya again was a bad idea, but he couldn't help himself.

Not that there’d been much sleeping involved. Their cataclysmic honeymoon had changed everything.

“About Tommy,” she said, tugging his hand as she sat at the couch’s edge, leaving Chase no option but to follow.

And follow he would, to the ends of the earth if she asked, for the last few days had shattered any illusions he had about this marriage being all business.

With every kiss, with every caress, and with every gut-wrenching moan, she’d stripped away the years, catapulting him straight back to a time he was so crazy for her he couldn’t see straight.

Nothing had changed—absolutely nothing.

Even that was a lie.

A few years ago, he’d been a fool, kidding himself; all he felt for Amaya was lust.

Now he knew the truth.

What they’d shared had never just been about lust; it was more than that, so much more.

And their night of passion had hurtled him back a decade—to a time he couldn’t get enough of her, to a time where his heart clamoured towards her while his head reeled back with the implications of trusting a woman.

“About Tommy? Why?“ He frowned again. “What happened?”

She stopped, alerted to the seriousness of his question by something in his voice as he waved towards the river, trying to distract her.

It didn’t work, for she reached up and cupped his cheek, her simple touch as catastrophic as if she’d reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. She needs to tell him the truth, she thought as she sidestepped the prod of her conscience. She didn’t want to think about her feelings for him. It was dangerous to think about how he made her feel. She was confusing good sex with love, just like so many of her friends did. A couple of good orgasms, and she fancied herself in love? Ridiculous. It was oxytocin—that was what it was. The bonding hormone tricked her into thinking she was falling in love with him. She was in lust with him. That was all. Lust. Lust. Lust. But he was the father of his son. He deserved to know.

“I'm sorry, Chase, I'm scared. So scared.” She weighed the situation, still playing with her necklace.

“Scared for what?” he crooked an eyebrow.

“That you’ll take him away from me,” she sobbed.

“I tried not to... I mean, I tried to lie to myself that what I did was right, but I can't take more from you."

"Amaya, what the hell are you talking about?” Chase asked with annoyance.

“Tommy…”

“What about Tommy?” A heavy rock churned inside his stomach. His fists curled beside his body.

“I—I lied…”

“About what?”

“About his father,” she answered between sobs.

“What do you mean?” he stood.

“I—” she chose her next words carefully.

“Am I thinking—shit... Amaya, please don't tell me—”

“He is your son, Chase.”

“What?!” Chase stared at her like he was about to do something he was going to regret, so he entered her personal space with two fluid steps, whispering in her ear...

Amaya stood, and Chase took a step back as he watched the colour drain from her face. For a second, he thought she was going to have a heart attack. “What did you say? Amaya?” he murmured. She made a move towards the door he was now blocking. Chase stopped her, resting a hand on her wrist. Their eyes met, and she found him bleeding with pain. But his set jaw, high cheekbones, and smooth, regal forehead all told the story of a formidable man. Her lonely heart believed in his eyes. “He is your son, Chase. I'm sorry.” The rest of her body knew it made no difference. Amaya thought he was going to send her on her way angrily, but he didn’t. She thought he was going to yell at her, but he didn't, and the pain and shock in his eyes told another story.

“And you just tell me this now, why?” He shook his head as if the situation were beyond belief.

“I’m sorry…I didn't mean to—”

“You think of me as stupid? You didn't trust me enough, Amaya! Why did you lie to me! Why?!”

“I—” Amaya groaned in silent shame, keeping her gaze steady on his. “I thought you'd take him away from me. I'm sorry.”

“Sorry? You are a fool then..." Chase replied, shaking his head.

Yes, I'm a fool. Just like now, instead of ignoring my feelings, all I want is to love you. She pondered.

Amaya can’t live with a man who doesn’t love her enough to stay sane for her and support her. And yes, her inner self agrees with her foolish side. And she thought, You can’t make someone love you—they either love you or they don’t. She thought if she told him the truth, he would stay, or was she expecting so much?

“I know you’re mad. I know."

“You don't know anything, Amaya. You don't know how this changed—fuck! ”

There was a beat or two of pregnant silence. "Chase." His name came out on a heavy sigh that had ‘don’t do this’ written all over it.

“I know what I did was wrong. That's why I'm telling you now: I don't want to keep him from you anymore. He needs you; you need him.”

“He is my son! Tommy is my son,” he murmured to himself.

"Please...understand. I know you care about my well-being; you care so much that I mistook it for love, and I’ve been thinking about it this week while you’ve been away,” Amaya said, refusing to be daunted now that she had made up her mind. “This is how it’s always going to be, isn’t it, Chase?”

“Don't give me that bullshit, Amaya! You lied to me.”

“I did what I thought was right…I'm sorry.”

“God! You lied to me all this time…”

“Forgive me, Chase.”

“Forgive you?” he sneered.

Amaya bit her lips before saying, “You don’t love me enough to forgive me? Not the way I want to be loved. The way most women want to be loved, I want love I can rely on, no matter what. Caring isn’t enough for me, Chase. Flowers, expensive gifts, and great sex aren’t enough. I want you to love me enough to forgive me. But, because you don’t, our marriage has to end.”

“What? Huh!” Chase let out a harsh breath. “Don’t be ridiculous, Amaya, we made a deal, it's under contract. You’re being—”

“You keep calling me your "wife,” but I’m not, am I?” she said. “Still, you think of me as the silly girl who married you because she can't say no. To you, I'm still the Amaya you knew before. Naive and dumb! And your words?” she scoffed. “They’re empty words. I want more than that. I deserve more than that. That's why I'm telling you this…”

“You want a divorce? After telling me that Tommy is my son? Are you out of your mind?”

“Amaya, this has nothing to do with Tommy,” Amaya said. “This has to do with us. But we’re not an ‘us’, are we? Not in the true sense. We've been married for all the wrong reasons, and I can’t be in a marriage like that. It will be like living my childhood all over again. Never feeling good enough. Never feeling enough, Thea deserved more, and you can't give it. I can't keep doing this; I can't pretend anymore! Period.”

His brows came together over his eyes. “You’re not suggesting I’d carry on like your father? I told you I’d remain faithful. I promised you that.”

“I want more Chase!”

“I can't give you more!” Yes, she wanted more. She wanted him to love her back. She wanted him to tell her that.

God, what is wrong with me? I'm not supposed to be this fool. She thought to herself.

“Why, Chase?” she growled back. Amaya shook her head at him.

“I just can't, I can't give you what you want! But I can be faithful to you.”

Amaya sighed. “Being faithful isn’t enough. I can’t be in a relationship that has a time limit. Every day that passes is a day closer to the one when you’ll tell me you want out. That’s not how a marriage should be. Even if you’re not unfaithful, you could still fall in love with someone else, because without a solid commitment to me, it leaves the door wide open for it.”

Chase shook his head before responding, “I’m not going to fall in love with someone who lied to me. Who keep the truth from me for so long...”

"Chase..."

“So this is it? It’s just as bad if you’ve ruled love out completely?" she asked with fear in her voice.

"Yes, Amaya!"

"Okay, then... I can’t spend the next couple of years of my life hoping you will change. It’s better to end it now. Before—”

“Goodbye Amaya!” Then he tipped his head to the window and scurried away, looking like a ghost of himself. "Tommy is mine."

"Chase..."