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Dream of Death

I blink as he disappears into the hallway and I press my lips together.

Death.

That’s a bit dramatic. Still, I have that empty, twisty feeling in my gut that makes me feel nauseous.

“Don’t worry, he treats everyone like that.”

I snap my attention to a smiling girl that sits a desk away from me. She looks to the teacher for a second before grabbing her things and shifting to the seat Zaid had just left.

“I’m not worried,” I whisper. “I’m just glad he finally left.”

She snorts. “Yeah, he tends to make everyone feel like that.”

I snort back.

“I’m Nikki, you’re new, huh?”

I smile, “Alina, yeah I am. Only my second day so far. Is it so obvious that I’m new?”

She studies me as she hums. “Well, you’re really pretty, hard to miss you when half the school is talking about you.”

My cheeks heat up and I groan, “Oh, please don’t tell me I’ve become the hot new topic of gossip. I wanted to blend in.”

“Well when you have Aiden and Zaid trailing behind you it’s kind of hard to blend in.” She smiles at me like she has some inside joke with the rest of the school and I am left out in the open.

I shake my head, frowning. “What’s up with that anyway? Aiden has a girlfriend, doesn’t he?”

She nods, pressing her lips together.

“Then why is he being like that with me?”

Nikki laughs and when I give her a pointed look she frowns. “You’re serious?”

“Well, yeah. I thought he was flirting with me. I kind of flirt back, but now I feel silly.”

“Oh, trust me, he is flirting with you.”

“But you just said he had a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but he’s Aiden. He bounces between girls like they’re nothing. You’re the new girl who’s got his attention. Sadie swears she’ll marry him, but something tells me he’d leave her for you the moment you tell him your interested.”

“I’m not interested,” I stutter. Liar, I’m a terrible liar.

She looks at me up and down. She knows I’m lying. “Okay.”

“I’m not!” I double down, attempting to hold on to at least some of my dignity.

“All I said was okay.” She forces down a smile.

I bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing, but Nikki is not very good at it and she bursts out into an infectious laugh.

I groan, throwing my forehead onto the desk. “What, he’s hot, okay? I can’t help it.”

Nikki hums her agreement. “Oh very hot, and a very good kisser.”

I lift my head and my jaw drops, “What?”

She waves her hand, “We dated a bit back in middle school. Old news. Now he’s just the school’s star athlete and we occasionally say hi to each other. No bad blood or anything.”

“Is it weird that I just confessed to having a crush on your ex?”

She barks a laugh. “It’s hard to be weird about that when every girl has a crush on him. No, it doesn’t bother me. Besides, I think you’d be an upgrade from Sadie, girl’s a bitch.”

“Oh, nice to know I’m a better alternative.”

“I’m being serious. Aiden’s a good guy. He can be intense sometimes, but he’s got a good heart. Sadie doesn’t.”

“I don’t think good heart is a bullet point in most guys’ checklists when they look for a girlfriend.”

Nikki rolls her eyes. “Omg, tell me about. They just look for big tits and a round ass, which you have both, by the way.”

I sneer at her. “Don’t be such a guy.”

Her sweet laugh wraps around me and for the first time in a while, that sour feeling in my stomach dies down. She’s the first person I’ve had a conversation with that feels natural, and it’s kind of fun.

The bell rings and Nikki gets up, her red hair swinging down, “Find me at lunch tomorrow. I usually sit on the grass in front of the library.”

I nod at her as I gather my things. “I’ll find you.”

She smiles brightly and waves goodbye as the whole class piles out of the room, filling the hallway. The fluorescent lights are bright, making my eyes hurt.

But nothing beats that terrible ache in my stomach. The end of the schoolday means I have to go home, go home to mother.

I walk through the hallway quickly, not lingering around so that I can avoid Aiden and Zaid as much as possible. Mother is home when I get there and the house reeks of alcohol.

I sneer, plugging my nose as my eyes water. She’s laying on the couch with a bottle between her legs. Her hair is a mess on her head and her make up is practically melting off her face and down her cheeks. I still, preparing for her berating and her hatred.

“Look who’s home,” her speech is slurred.

“Hey, mom.”

She scoffs. “Don’t call me that.”

I purse my lips and look away, ignoring the sting of tears in my eyes. She wasn’t always like this, and for some reason I hold on tightly to those memories, it’s the only thing that keeps me going at this point.

“I dreamed that you were the one that died in that car accident.”

I freeze in my spot, my veins turning icy as oxygen expels from my lungs. I can’t tell if she says this to hurt me, or if it’s just her speaking her mind.

“I wish I could’ve stayed in that dream.”

Okay, maybe she does say it to hurt me.

I purse my lips together, and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I have had that dream many times before, too, and as much as I want to hate her for feeling that way, for wanting her own daughter dead, I can’t help but agree with her.

“You and me both,” I whisper, heading upstairs to my room where I spend the entire night crying my eyes out.

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