Chapter 3

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have any vacancies available right now,” the girl on the other side of the counter looks at me apologetically, refusing to take my resume, even to use it to clean the floor when I spill my coffee. She smiles tensely.

“Oh, not even one? It’s a big store,” and expensive too, I want to add, but I hold back. “Not even cleaning the bathroom?”

“We use the bathrooms in the mall; we don’t have bathrooms here, so, no, I’m sorry.”

A tired sigh escapes my lips, and I decide that I’ve had enough for today.

“Thanks,” I say to the woman, leaning forward, but quickly realice what I’m doing and the grimace the woman is giving me.

Ugh, great.

I say nothing else and leave the store.

That was the seventh store where I wanted to leave my resume, and one of the many that didn’t accept it because they had no vacancies. Great, just great.

My shoulders hurt, and I’m on the verge of tears.

But that wouldn’t look good in front of all the people passing by.

“Why me?” I ask, looking at the sky or rather the ceiling of the mall, but I only come across a guard on the second floor, looking at me as if I were crazy.

Great.Another one.

I smile awkwardly as a greeting to the man and continue my way.

I spot a café a few stores away and hurry to get there; I need caffeine.

And money, a lot of money, but right now I only have enough for the coffee.

“Hello, welcome. How can I help you?” an older woman, around forty or more, smiles at me from the other side of the counter. Her smile is kind, and for a sweet moment, she reminds me of mom.

I left her a message two hours ago, and she said she would be at the building’s reading club.

“Oh, hi,” I say and smile. That nice moment when you’re treated kindly in a place, and you instantly make a mental note to come here every day. “A black coffee, please, no sugar.”

The woman nods and turns around to prepare my order.

I guess I’ll have to go to Go and try my luck. Maybe they’ll give me a job. That’s what I need right now. If they don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.

And prostitution, I’m not sure if it’s an option… Besides, I’m more of a virgin than a child, for God’s sake.

What should I do before resorting to selling my body? An auction? Yeah, sure, I’ll sell my virginity to the highest bidder.

I roll my eyes at my stupid thoughts, and at that moment, the woman returns with my coffee. I quickly pay and take a sip.

“Oh!” I move it away quickly.

“Be careful, it’s boiling,” the woman says, but it’s too late, my eyes have filled with tears. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she says, but I still smile, even with my teary eyes.

“It’s okay. Everything’s fine,” and as I say that, my eyes fill with new tears. My tongue hurts, my shoulders hurt, and some part of my heart hurts. “Thank you very much,” I tell the woman, and she bids me farewell with a nod, looking at me with compassion.

I leave the mall lost in my thoughts, with the coffee in hand, heading straight to the bus stop.

What should I do now?

Kadin hasn’t helped us in two years, I no longer have a job, but I do have a university degree. How am I going to support it? And I really don’t want to give it up. Mom is stable, but that’s fleeting; things can fall apart in the blink of an eye. Even faster if she doesn’t take her medications.

I hear car horns and people shouting. The coffee has numbed my right hand, and the other is in the pocket of my coat.

“Girl, come back!” someone shouts behind me.

I furrow my brow when I realice that I’ve actually stepped down the curb and am crossing the street with the traffic light still green.

But the worst is yet to come, as a car is coming straight towards me.

Instead of running, I just freeze and spill the boiling coffee on my coat at chest level, burning part of my skin on my chin.

I’m going to die, I think, as I remain paralyzed.

I’m sorry, Mom, I close my eyes and stay where I am, waiting for the fatal impact.