CHAPTER 3: SICK AND TIRED

As much as I wanted to leave after the result was revealed, I couldn’t. For the sake of this so-called family, I have to stay and be with them until my father’s last stay here on Earth.

We waited for the staff to clean his body at the morgue. I was left at the waiting area with my mother while Peter administered everything that needed to be done. But just when I thought that I could have a moment alone with this woman whom I called my mother, it was short-lived at the arrival of Michael, who immediately sat beside her and offered his shoulder for her to cry on.

Now that somebody was with her, I walked past them and headed outside for a breath of fresh air. Being inside with them was suffocating. The narrow space was gripping my throat, making me breathless and uneasy. I wanted to leave in peace and be at the comfort of my home, to rest my mind after a very tiring day, but Peter rejected my words and told me that I must stay for reasons I can’t comprehend.

We were advised minutes earlier that we could see father’s lifeless body at the morgue, but my mother insisted that we should wait for the last member of the family to arrive, giving me hours more to stay at this shithole before I could finally have the peace I crave of having.

I was feeling the gentle breeze of the evening and let everything in me relax a bit when a shadow appeared behind me. I didn’t bother to turn around nor to even care who it might be. I just look at the serene dark sky and the twinkling diamonds that adorn it as I puff my cigarette.

“Smoking is bad for our health. You should stop that, because it won’t do you any good” His words made my eyebrow arched as irritation started to build up again inside of me.

“Why do you care? You never did before, so why care about my welfare now?”

“Listen, Penelope. None of these could have occurred if you just listened to me before. I told you several times in the past not to meddle with others businesses and mind your own, but did you listen? No, you didn’t. You still pushed it through. Look at what your hard-headedness has brought you, to our family. You wretched yourself. You brought this misery to yourself. You’ve put yourself in an abominable shame and caused massive commotion to all of us. If you weren’t that selfish enough and thought of others rather than yourself alone, none of these could have happened in the first place.”

‘Enough!’

I heard enough. I am fully aware of the mistake I’ve made and God knows I regretted every inch of it. Heaven knows I’ve repented for all of my sins. I just wanted to go on with my life, start a clean slate and be with my daughter.

I’m sick and tired of hearing their countless accusations and judgment over and over again. I had enough of their ground-breaking convictions and their undying derogatory towards me. I just want peace of mind. But that seems to be not the case for them. It seems like they wanted me to be stuck in the past and buried me alive for the sins I had committed. Because every time they saw me, there was never a time that they would not remind me of the mistakes I’ve done.

With haste and fury, I turned around and looked at him sternly. “You know what, Peter, I don’t give a fuck! Save that lecture to yourself, because I got to memorize every line that you have to say after years and years of repetition from everyone.”

He was taken aback, obviously not expecting my retaliation at him, which I only did now. I was fed up, too damn fed up with them. I’m done with it and I’m done with them.

“I see you have the bones now to talk to me that way, Penelope. Don’t forget and drill this in mind, I am the eldest amongst us three and you should at least respect me as your eldest brother.”

“Respect? Brother? Do you hear yourself, Peter?” I sarcastically chuckled as my head swung from left to right, completely amused at what he stated. “Did I receive even an ounce of respect before when we were young? Have you ever seen me as part of the family, or rather your youngest sister, and gave me that respect you are now perceiving about? Respect is earned, Peter. It is not something you should ask for from anyone. Know how to respect others, even those below you, and so others will respect you as well.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re an ingrate, Penelope. After how our parents had raised you, all of mother’s hardship just to have you finished your school, yet here you are still thinking about yourself and your misery. How could you be such an asshole? If I only knew that you would be this disrespectful and uncaring, I should have raised my opinion and told mother and father not to…”

“Don’t worry, Peter. After all of these, right after father’s burial, I’d be out of your lives. None of you would ever see me again, nor my shadow, for the rest of your lives. I will cut every cord I have with the family for everyone’s peace of mind. So none of you have to deal with me anymore.”

Anger was evident in his eyes, they were as pitch-black and ill-lit as the sky above. I was waiting for him to get physical with me or to utter far worse words than what he already said to me before, but he remained silent, brewing his fury in himself. After minutes of complete eeriness, he broke the silence between us at the back of a heavy sigh.

“If that’s what you want, then suit yourself, Penelope. I came to fetch you. Your presence is needed inside. Pamela has finally arrived and mother asked me to inform you, so we could see father’s body now. All of us.”

With that, he left abruptly, leaving me with a tense feeling of knowing my older sister was here. It took me a while before I started heading back.

‘Has she moved on? Has she forgiven me after all the things I’ve done to her? But who am I kidding. That was next to impossible. It’s like asking snow to kiss the desert.’