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Chapter 4 Light and Shadow

That night, my mind was a mess. How did the party end? My scrambled memories couldn't tell me. I just remembered that after the Pitt family left, Ronan turned off all the lights, sat on the sofa, and chain-smoked. The floor was covered in cigarette butts. He'd light a new one as soon as the old one burned out. Smoke clouded his face, and the darkness and silence made it impossible to know what he was thinking.

Helen couldn't bear to see Ronan so despondent.She went out to argue with Emma about everything that happened at the party. She threw around words like "heartless," "shameless," "indifferent," and "betrayal," blaming Hugh and Emma for not controlling their kid. But even in her anger, Helen never said anything bad about Daniel.

I hid in my room, crying uncontrollably at first. But after fifteen minutes, I calmed down. My eyes were dry and swollen, unable to cry anymore.

I lay on my desk by the window, staring at the weak girl in the reflection.

Was that me?

The nightlight in the next room turned on, breaking my thoughts.

Just a wall away was Daniel's room. We went to the same high school and had our own ways of communicating.

I heard his desk lamp flicking on and off in a pattern, making his room alternately light and dark.

"Dot, dot, dash, dot..." I recited in my mind.

From the lamp's flickering, I read his message of reconciliation.

Behind that Morse code was an apology from the boy I loved.

[Jane, I was too impulsive today.]

I didn't know what Daniel was thinking when he sent that message, but how could my broken heart be mended?

The lamp on his windowsill started flickering again.

[Are you still there? Please respond!]

I quietly turned off my light, letting darkness fill my room. The darkness swallowed my heart, and I couldn't refuse. Despair meant rejecting anything that might stir emotions.

So, I rejected his light.

Daniel's lamp flickered all night, annoying the neighbors.

Emma only found out when a kind neighbor mentioned it while she was out shopping.

"Emma, get the kid a better lamp. With exams coming up, a faulty one will strain Daniel's eyes, and that'd be a real loss."

The next morning.

The sun stretched the shadows of people on the road. Passing couples' shadows intertwined, making them hard to part, which made me envious.

I was ready to leave for school. As I went downstairs, I saw a familiar figure. Daniel was still waiting at our usual spot on the corner. We used to go to school together every day. But after what happened, I didn't know how to face him. I hid at the stairwell exit, half my body behind the wall, peeking out.

As class time approached, Daniel anxiously checked his watch, shook his head in frustration, and then ran towards the school. I sighed in relief, glad his stubbornness didn't flare up, or we'd definitely be late.

I quickened my pace, jogging along. Suddenly, I bumped into a tall, warm chest, and the dizziness making it hard to see the person's face.

"Jane!" The strong voice snapped me back to reality.

Daniel, that sneaky guy, had hidden around the corner to ambush me. "Why are you avoiding me?"

Daniel's deep voice left no room for argument. I mustered the courage to respond. "If you want to end things with me, then let's end it completely."

"Then your best bet is to move away!" Daniel shot back.

"My dad is already looking for a house."

"You!" Daniel was speechless at my retort, his angry expression making me chuckle. "You better mean it!"

Daniel left with that harsh remark, turning and walking slowly ahead. He seemed unconcerned about being late, strolling leisurely. I followed behind him, caught in a dilemma, constantly worried about the school bell.

Daniel was sure I wouldn't dare to walk ahead of him!

He had a smug look on his face, confident that I wouldn't defy, resist, or surpass him, because I had been trailing behind him for eighteen years.

The faster I walked, the slower he moved. The more flustered I became, the more relaxed he was. He blocked my path completely.

I couldn't help but angrily say, "Can you walk faster? Stop blocking the way!"

He responded with cold words, "Hey, you're stepping on my shadow."

Shadow.

Countless times going to and from school, I silently walked beside Daniel, letting my shadow merge with his. It felt like I could feel his touch that way. But this last sweet memory was torn apart by Daniel's words.

I lifted my foot and stomped hard on Daniel's shadow, venting my anger. "Daniel! You're such a jerk!"

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