My Guardian Angel
St. Louis, Missouri, United States
November 11, 2010
This morning it rained very hard, I looked at every drop of rain behind the window which was covered in rain drops.
"Huh..."
I exhaled air from my mouth and wiped the window covered in dew. From behind this window, I saw a gray cat sitting on the terrace of the house and he looked cold, he was licking his wet fur.
"Little cat," I muttered under my breath, trying hard to peek at the cat through the window.
"You're always like that. You never respect me at all, I'm your husband, Fiona...!"
"You are the one who can never respect my feelings! I just want to die-"
I heard my mother's voices nd my father's screams very clearly. I don't know what happened, but every time mom said that she wanted to die, I felt something strange in my heart and it was hard for me to say it.
Feelings of confusion and anxiety, fear that everything will suddenly change. Every time I think about it, I can't control my body movements. I hate hearing the sound of father's screams and mother's screams every time they fight. I decided to cover my ears with both hands and hide behind the door.
"Anka, are you okay?"
The guardian angel came over to me and hugged me tightly. He always knew where I was hiding whenever I heard mom and dad screaming from their room.
"My ears hurt," I said. The pain made my head hurt too.
He crouched in front of me, looked at me for a moment and rubbed my head with his hand.
"Calm down, Anka! Don't worry, everything is fine.” she whispered in her soft angelic voice. I knew that he was actually more afraid than I was.
"What's wrong with your face?"
"What's wrong with my face?"
"Your face looks strange, does your face hurt?"
"No, Anka. My face doesn't hurt. I'm fine. I brought Bonnie, you can hug her if you feel worried," he said while giving Bonnie, my favorite teddy bear, my seventh birthday present last year. Bonnie was a gift given to me by Uncle Damian, my father's younger brother.
"Bonnie?" I smiled broadly when I felt Bonnie's softness in my arms, but somehow I could still see the anxiety on her face
"Earlier, mom said that tomorrow we will celebrate both of our birthdays. I will make your favorite black forest with strawberries on top."
"Strawberries on top?"
"Yeah, are you happy?"
I nodded in response to the happy feeling I felt. But I don't know how to show it. I just looked at my cute Boni, while my angel kept rubbing my head until I felt sleepy.
I don't really remember anything after that. But every now and then I opened my eyes, I still heard the screams of my father and mother which continued for hours. While I sleep in the arms of my guardian angel, Bryan.
We both fell asleep behind the door, feeling comfortable because the sound of the rain made mom and dad's screams less audible. I dreamed about something beautiful.
My angel Bryan and I lay on our very beautiful mother's lap. Her long brown hair flowed and blew in the wind. We were in the middle of a beautiful meadow, surrounded by blooming flowers.
I opened my eyes so I could clearly see my sweet smile and her hazel eyes that were shining beautifully. My mother is a very beautiful woman, she is like an angel that God brought to this earth. But an angel as beautiful as her must spend her life with an ugly and evil man like my father.
I hate dad, I really hate him. But Bryan really loves him. Bryan always bragged about his father to everyone and he always said that one day he would be a great police officer like his father.
"Mom, when are we going to Interlaken again? I want to see Lake Thun and Lake Brienz again. I also want to see the Alps again." Bryan said, recalling our happy memories while on holiday in my mother's hometown two years ago.
"Daddy is still busy with work at St. Louise, next time the four of us will go there, okay?"
"W-we'll just go with U-Uncle Damian? I don't want us to go with Dad!" I stammered, refusing to go on holiday with my father, who I hated so much.
"Don't talk like that, Anka! We have to go with Dad, not with Uncle Damian. Right, Mom?"
Mom didn't answer either of our questions, she just smiled and kissed our foreheads one by one. I could see my mother's longing for her hometown and for something I could never understand.
"We will go together, but this time let me go alone. You two stay with dad, okay?"
Hearing mother's words, Bryan and I immediately raised our heads, surprised and not understanding what she was saying. Bryan's face looked worried, he looked at our mother for a few seconds and then hugged her while sobbing.
"Wherever you go, we will definitely go with you."
"I will be away for a while, take care of Anka, okay? She really depends on you. Don't let her feel alone, you are Anka's only brother. Be her guardian angel!"
"What did you say?"
"I believe in you because you are a strong boy, Bryan."
I opened my eyes, the bad feeling after having a good dream made me want to scream. I don't know why I really miss mother, I want to see her beautiful face.
I saw Bryan standing in front of the stairs with his father who looked at him with cold eyes. I couldn't see Bryan's face clearly, but his back made me realize there was something painful that he was trying with all his might to endure.
"Bryan?"
I tried calling him, but my voice didn't come out. As if there was something blocking my throat from making a sound. I was silent while hugging Bonnie who was still loyal to me.
This silence really bothered me, but this silence didn't last long. A few moments later, Annie, one of the maids who worked in our house, banged on my mother's bedroom door on the second floor. She looked very panicked and made my father, who was still wearing his work uniform, run to the second floor.
"Madam...! Open the door!"
"What is it?"
"Sir, Madam, Sir-"
"What's wrong with Fiona?"
"Madam-"
Annie cried, her face pale. My father immediately opened the bedroom door and suddenly Annie's screams were so loud that I panicked and immediately covered my ears.
"Ugh-" my ears hurt so much. My hands trembled and I immediately hid behind the door again.
I can't see anything anymore, my view is now blocked by the door. I could feel the neighbors who heard Annie's screams coming to our house one by one. The atmosphere, which was originally quiet, turned into chaos.
What can a kid like me understand? I can't cry, I don't know what I'm feeling right now in my heart. There was just a strange emptiness and suddenly everything felt empty.
I tried to close my eyes while continuing to cover my ears with both hands. I hate it when I have to hear the voices of more and more people filling our house, I can even hear the sirens of police cars and ambulances stopping right in front of the door of the house.
"Anka?"
The only voice I want to hear is Bryan's voice. I opened my eyes when I faintly heard his voice calling me. I saw his eyes were wet, he was trying to hold back his tears.
"Bryan, w-what's wrong? Where's mommy?" I asked. Bryan was silent for a moment and a few seconds later he immediately hugged my body very tightly.
"It's okay, Anka. From now on I will always look after you, don't be afraid. Do you understand?"
That's what Bryan said in a trembling voice. I knew he wanted to cry, he just didn't want to do it in front of me. I felt a strong sense of pain as I felt the sadness he held in his heart. I just wanted to tell him something even though in the end I never could.
"Cry, Bryan! You don't have to hold back your tears for me."