Chapter 4: Staying Afloat

Kane POV

Leaving Knox at the bar felt like a punch to the gut, but I knew it was best to let him drink himself into a stupor. He was hurting, and despite my own frustration and anger, I understood why he was struggling. This mess was all my fault, it sucked, there was no other word for it. But was it keeping Charlotte and our pups safe? Yes. Would I make the same choice again? I would like to think so, but honestly, knowing how hard being parted would be, I knew I would choose to be weak and selfish.

"Then let's go get her." Rolo growled. The force of his command at the back of my eyes forced them to close painfully.

"No. We need to see this through." I whined, but my hand was already moving into the inner pocket of my suit, pulling my phone out. I closed my eyes tighter to force control and keep Rolo from doing the one thing I wasn't brave enough to do.

Call our girl!

Not a month ago, we stood beside her, holding her hand as we watched a monitor while she had an unexpected ultrasound scan. She had called us to her pack's doctor's office after days of light spotting. It was clear we were unwelcome, not just by Charlotte and Chase but by the doctor who stood beside her. Without compassion, he expressed concern that the stress of our betrayal was not good for Charlotte or our pups.

That was the last time we had visited her. We get weekly updates via text from Liam or Adam, but she has made it very clear that this was all too hard for her, and she felt that it was for the best that we stayed away.

Something we hated, but respected. At least until the time came for her to come home safely. So as I walked out of the White Flag, I fully understood Knox's anger. We had hoped to still see our girl in secret, but now we were cut off from her like one might cut off an infected limb.

"Fuck!" I snapped as I kicked at the dirt floor. The cool afternoon air hit me, but it did little to clear my mind. Deciding there was only one thing that would clear it, I looked down at my phone. Charlotte's beautiful face hovered over the contact info, she was smiling at the camera, her eyes bright with no trace of pain or loss.

"Do it." Rolo taunted as my finger hovered over the call button as I fought an inner battle with myself. I wanted to respect her decision, but the need to hear her sweet voice was crazy strong.

"Kane Maddox, why isn't your brother answering me?" Connie's shrill voice cut through my head, pulling a sigh from my throat. I pulled my car door open and slid inside. All thoughts of ringing Charlotte were suddenly replaced with a need to find a way to lower the volume on this witch.

"Maybe he is busy." I shrugged as I put my phone in its dock, my lips lifting seeing Charlotte's face light up my screen.

"Busy? I am his mate." She yelped, and even without seeing her, I knew those lips would be pouted, her foot tapping in anger. She was so very predictable.

"Unfortunately." Rolo booed in the back of my mind.

"Unfortunately that she is predictable.. Or our mate?" I asked Rolo with a smirk, deciding that if I was in a foul mood, he should be too.

"BOTH!" He boomed before sinking back into his cage and simmering down.

"I will take you shopping." I announced, through the link. "I will meet you at the mall." I cut her off, not wanting to get into another conversation with her over how, now that she was our mate, and she believed that she was entitled to every second of our time... and ounce of sanity.

"I wanted to go with Knox, Kane. I am sick of this shit."

"Me too." I muttered back, although I was pretty sure we were both sick of very different things.

"Can you not make him take me?" Her reply came back almost instantly, laced with anger and disappointment.

"If I had that superpower Connie, believe me, I would use it. Now are you meeting me there or not? Because if you would rather go with.."

"No. I will see you there in twenty. Bring your gold card." She snapped before disconnecting the link. I sighed, rubbing my temples. This wasn’t her fault, she truly believed we liked her, wanted her and somehow loved her. She didn't pick this, but damn she wasn’t making it any easier either. I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, my thoughts a tangled mess.

As I drove, the familiar ache of missing Charlotte crept in. I tried to push it down, but it was no use. She was always there, in the back of my mind, a constant reminder of what we had lost. Knox and I both felt it, but he was drowning in it, while I was just trying to stay afloat. For my pack, my family and what little sanity I had left.

I parked at the mall and took a deep breath, rubbing my eyes feeling my father trying to link through to me. I wasn't in the mood for him right now. I already had one pain in the ass to deal with without a second worming its way into my free time. Without a second thought, I cut him from my mind and locked him out. He may be my alpha, but after discovering his stunts with Knox growing up, I owed him shit all in my free time.

Rolling my lips between my teeth, I tried to steady the storm brewing within me. My hands rubbed up and down the steering wheel to try and self-soothe myself, the beats within me. But honestly, the week's events were catching up with me and it was only Wednesday afternoon. Looking up at my phone as it beeped with a message, no doubt from my father.

[Sperm Donor: 'Alpha Matteo and others have contacted me, they aren't willing to give their support until they get more from you and Knox. Do you think you can get him on board?']

Glaring at the phone as if my father may materialise from the screen, my lips curled over my teeth as anger ate at my spine. Unable to hold back I lunged for the phone, my fingers working over the keypad quickly.

[Me: 'Yep and while I am at it I will solve world hunger.']

I shot back quickly and watched to see him typing just as quickly.

[Sperm Donor: 'No need to be sarcastic son, that's not going to help, is it?']

I felt my teeth clench painfully as my fingers worked out a reply, I didn't even bother to re-read before I hit send.

[Me: 'Are you seriously lecturing ME on being helpful, given everything you have done to 'HELP' Knox?']

Again I sat back and chewed on my gums, the only thing I could do to keep myself from turning this car around and kicking my father's ass. I wanted to blame him for Knox's pain, but I knew deep down my father's decisions had nothing to do with Knox's current fragile state of mind. But, being angry with him made it easier for me, at least at the moment.

[Sperm donor: 'I thought we were over this, I won't apologise again.']

"Or at all." I roared as I threw my phone onto the back seat, letting my emotions rule me. Looking up into the mirror, I watched my eyes fill with unshed tears, unable to suck them down a moment longer, I let them rain down my face. My lips crumbled with my resolve as I let out soul-crushing sobs. My body trembled with the force of the pain I had been holding in.

'Charlotte. I need you!" I sobbed her name out like it was a damn lifeline.. And the truth was, she was.