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Her remembrance

BANE’S POV

Tomorrow

Its the day that is going to mark the fourth anniversary of Aurora my beloved but everything was still the same. I didn’t heal since that day and even though it was now four years, I was still not fine.

I thought about her every day, recalling her face and voice. If things had gone as planned, we would be married by now, perhaps even with children, leading the pack together in happiness.

She is the female I ever loved and still loved and missed her. I liked her personality, she used to be sweet and nice to me. She wasn’t only good to me but also the pack members. If she didn’t die, she would have made a perfect luna. I would have been the happiest man in the world right now.

But now it was all the different. She was no longer alive. She was no where to be seen and I was now the saddest man in the world.

Since I didn’t have her, I now felt like a shadow of my former self. My wolf ghosted me. It was now weak, I no longer shifted and my wolf stopped talking to me.

To make matters worse, I haven’t even officially taken on the role of the Alpha yet. Though I was old enough, my father worried that I lacked the emotional strength for the position. And yes I didn’t have it. He was right.

No Alpha rules without a luna.

I would have tried to rule it but ever since Aurora died, I lost it all. I needed her. She was everything the pack needs to succeed and grow big.

To be officially become an Alpha , I want her.

Even after four years, I was still emotionally broke and that’s why my father didn’t officially announce me.

But still I had the powers to order the pack members to do something I want.

This time, I ordered the pack members to hold memories of Aurora, my beloved but later I regretted it. These events were a constant source of torment for the me, but when I tried to stop them , my father insisted that they were necessary. He had to prove his strength to gain the pack’s support and loyalty, while also honoring her memory to secure the Beta family’s continued backing.

I struggled to move on, feeling as though the grief and pain would never leave me.

What was annoying me was that the days were passing slowly and painfully. Time felt heavy, an unbearable burden on my soul and body, suffocating the very life out of my bones. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to bear it but then I had nothing today. I had a ceremony I have to attend tomorrow.

The day that marks her fourth anniversary.

Sitting at the large desk in my office, I stared blindly at the fireplace across the room, nestled in between floor-to-ceiling bookcases. Winter was coming. Soon, flames would fill the fireplace, flickering in a complex dance, releasing heat into the atmosphere.

But nothing would warm me.

Not anymore.

I suspected the cold pit in my stomach, and I knew why I had it. I leaned back, my hands clenching the armrests of the executive chair. The leather chair creaked in resistance.

Tomorrow was day and as usual I will prepare my self for it.

As Aurora’s mate and as the future alpha heir, missing her fourth anniversary will look bad.

Everything was well but my own problem is having almost half of the pack members watch me, speak, watch my every move and reaction.

Everything made me more heartbroken. Listening to Aurora’s parents and other elders in the pack, saying the good deeds weakened me more.

At each of remembrance of her burial ceremony, year after year, the same preparations take place. At this point, the speeches I have to say in front of the crowd are memorised in my head. The speeches are always about my life with Aurora. The stories we used to tell each other, the plans she had for the pack and the number of children she wanted us to have.

The worst thing of tomorrow’s remembrance day was that there was another ceremony, I have to attend. This is a happiness ceremony where Alphas from different packs come.

I didn’t want to go but once my father told me that since I’m still grieving the loss of my beloved, I won’t give any speeches. I felt inwardly happy at his words but still I wasn’t free from everything.

I wasn’t free from judgement and people feeling pity for me as they stare at me.

.

I didn’t want to show that I am sad. Most of the Alphas will notice that I’m weak and I will not able to be rule the pack in the future. They may even end up attacking the pack. But then still if I decide to be cold hearted and emotionless, every one in the pack will think that I am now fine with Aurora’s death.

And that I’m no longer bothered at her.

I didn’t know what people really want. I was already hearing rumours that I’m faking the sadness, that I will forget her soon.

Sometimes, I feel angry about the whole thing. I have never seen anyone in my entire life who has lost his or her mate pass through what I’m going through. I have never seen any Alpha who lost his mate give speeches about his mate every ceremony he attended in the pack.

It was the opposite on my side. I didn’t want to be judged but my father insisted.

I tried to refuse once, but only once. Unfortunately, it did not go well. I decided to go in my father’s office and talk to him about the issue of remembrance and the speeches I give.

I tried to tell him that they ruin me mentally and I need it to stop.

The moment I said so, my father got pissed off and called me cold hearted and evil.

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