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4

"Papá!" My 11-year-old little brother yells through the phone, his voice is quivering, and I know how scared he must be. Running down the streets of my hometown has my lungs burning in excruciating pain, this isn't the time to be exhausted. They need me! "Eloisa, please come home. Mamma is screaming and I don't know what's happening."

Tonight was supposed to be the celebration of my 22nd birthday when I received this call from my brother telling me to get home. Someone broke the door down, and now they're fighting, he is hiding from the scene, and I'm trying to calm him down while getting home in a hurry. "Gio, you need to stop yelling for papá."

"Lo non capisco, Eloisa!" (I don't understand) He cries for me and the sound breaks my heart. "Papá is saying something, they're yelling."

"What is he saying?" I try to understand what's happening at home right now.

"He is yelling at a man, he called him Mr. Romano. Do you know him?" Gio asks and the terror on his voice has me sprinting even faster. Rain is now falling heavily from the sky, my heels are a pain and the need to be with my family is as strong as ever. "Do you know him?"

"Non lo conosco, Gio," (I don't know him) It's true, I have never heard of a Mr. Romano ever before. My dad has never mentioned any friends and that alone is enough to put me on edge right now. Begging to those above to leave my family alone, gunshots ring through the phone and Gio screams at the sound. "Gio! Please be quiet, please!"

"Mr. Romano shot someone, Eloisa! He killed them!"

"Shhh, Gio! Please don't make too much noise," Begging him was to no avail and he keeps muttering words to himself. The fear in his voice etches into my skin and tears stream down my face, I hate myself for going out tonight. I hate myself!

"He's in my room," Gio whispers on the other end of the line, my heart pounds in my chest and I fear not making it there on time.

Desperation seeps into my skin, "Stop talking, please be quiet. I'll be there, okay? I promise, you will be fine, everything's fine."

"He is an old man, Eloisa. A brand on his arm, I can't see what it is though," I know why he's explaining this to me, Giovanni doesn't have faith in his own survival. He doesn't have faith in me making it to him on time. "Eloisa, I love you. Okay? Ti amo sorella." (I love you, sister).

"Ti amo, Gio," I hiccup from the sob ripping through my body, he doesn't answer me, and I know Mr. Romano must be close. A sudden scream tears through the phone and he begs for his life, the sound of terror on my baby brother's voice has me sprinting down the streets. The painful drops of rain pierce my cold skin and tears mix with the clear texture. A gunshot sounds and then there is nothing...

A sob racks my body and I clutch my chest in my hand, the painful trauma of my brother screaming for his life has me on my knees. Nightmares will always haunt me and the sight of how Mr. Romano left them on the ground in front of the house has me nauseated. He wanted to humiliate them and carried them outside, leaving them in the cold and rain. I called 911 and told them what had happened, none of them could bring themselves to care.

I was 22 years old at the time of their murders and had no rights in the matter, the system left me to fend for myself, to fight off my demons alone. The struggle became too much and after reading my dad's letter I decided to stop fighting, my demons grew to be my security and the only way of me dealing with everything on my own without going crazy. Or, I already had gone crazy, the demons allowed me to feel less guilty about me murdering people. The demons are my friends.

Now two years have gone by and I'm still fighting a battle for my family, fighting for their rights and fighting to give them the justice they deserved. Mr. Romano is on my hit list, and he will be the last person I murder; he will be tortured by my hands, and he will beg for me to end his life. No part of him will wish to live on once I'm done with him.

Grabbing the picture from my nightstand, I smile sadly at the joyful family standing in front of me. My parents are embracing each other with huge smiles on their faces, Gio is ducking away from my tickling fingers, both of us are laughing and my heart soars in pain. These people are my world and I will do anything to live up to their expectations.

I can't even recognize myself in this picture. This girl's brown hair is pulled into an innocent ponytail, the deep dimples on her cheeks rarely show themselves these days, her emerald eyes are shining with so much happiness. She appears to be joyful and that is something I can't see in myself anymore. This girl had no clue what was waiting for her, the type of future she would be living. She was so blissfully ignorant, and I find some serious comfort in knowing that my life was normal once.

Stepping into the shower I rinse myself from yesterday's escapades, every anxious feeling from my nightmare runs down the drain and when I wrap myself in a towel I'm fine again. The type of fine that doesn't care, the indifferent and nonchalant type of fine.

Me being cold and distant is something that has happened over the last couple of years. It's a way of defending myself and I intend on using that power to get through the chaos of killing Mr. Romano.

The only downside is how fucking difficult it is to kill the Italian mafia leader, every single member of that mafia has sworn to protect him and place his life over their own. They would rather die than allow me to touch as much as one hair on his head.

The annoyance of not killing him yesterday hits me, but I truly wish to torture him. He needs to remember me; my family will be the last thing he regrets before I see the life leave his dark eyes. He will remember them, and he will be sorry for his cruel actions.

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