88
Today
I've managed to pull myself as close to the bed as possible without disrupting her own comfort. If I could, I would have crawled into it with her and just held her to me, but I want to give Cassandra all the space she needs without being too far.
Preoccupied in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I now had my hand sprawled over her small bump, rubbing it as I always do at home. She's normally curled into my side, either on the couch or in bed, and we're sometimes watching TV or just talking, but this is as close as it's going to get for now.
Cassandra stirs slightly, but only so much so that I barely notice it. At first, I don't catch that she's actually moved her hand, because of how I'm sitting and how my hand is moving over the blanket covering her torso, but when she lets out a tiny groan, my eyes immediately flicker up from her bump to focus on her face.
Her eyebrows are slightly furrowed, and she's definitely turned her head towards me, but her eyes are still squeezed shut. It's not until she lets out another small groan followed by an incoherent mumble that I sit up straighter.
"Cas? Baby, I'm here. Can you hear me?" I coo at her softly, not wanting to startle her either. I've spent a fair amount of time at the hospital before, years ago when Andrew and I had gotten into that terrible accident, and I knew what it felt like to wake up in a hospital suddenly. The last thing I wanted was to scare her or make her feel the same way that I felt when I had woken up.
"Hmmm," Cassandra mumbles again, and after a few more moments and a ton of flickering of her eyelids, she finally comes to open them while squinting. "Asa?" she croaks out, likely because her mouth is dry and she must be thirsty.
Suddenly, her eyes fly open and she's grabbing onto the sheets next to her, trying to sit up. I quickly shake my head, placing my hand on her shoulder gently and pushing the button to raise the head of the bed instead. "Hold on, love."
"Ohmygod. Asa," she gasps this time, frantically reaching for what I think is my arm, as I have my hand planted firmly next to hers on the bed, holding myself up as I jumped out of the seat to raise her head. "Asa...Asa...the baby!?"
My eyes flicker from where they've focused on her hand, which is now resting on her bump, to her face again, seeing the worried look on it. Her eyes are begging me to tell her something. It's the first time I'm really taking them in since she woke up, and I can tell that she's trying to search my own for some sense of sanity.
I give her a small smile as I sink back down into the seat next to her, gently placing my hand to rest on hers, covering her bump.
"Baby's okay. You're okay. I'm here. We're all okay," I whisper softly, grabbing her fingers with my own, running my thumb across the back of her hand as I lean into her. "Everything is going to be okay," I assure her. I know that I can't promise her anything, but I just know that together we will make sure that everything is in fact alright. We'll work through this, together, because that's what we are — a team.
CASSANDRA'S POV
My head aches as I jerk it gently to the side, stirring myself from my sleep. My entire body feels exhausted, and I nearly don't recognize why I feel like this. As my eyes finally flicker open, I wince silently as the bright lights in the room overcome the darkness that I was used to while asleep, evoking a small groan from me.
"Cas? Baby, I'm here. Can you hear me?" I hear Asa's voice as I slam my eyes shut again. It's hard to keep them open because I'm still feeling so groggy, and the brightness of the room isn't helping. My mouth feels dry, and I'm struggling to speak up because of how tired I feel.
"Hmmm," I try to form words as I feel his hand on my belly. It takes me a few tries to pick my eyelids again, and when I'm finally able to get them open, I'm squinting hard to be able to take a look around and glance over to my side, where Asa is seated right next to me, slightly leaning over. It's in this moment that I realize that I'm in a bed, and he's seated in a chair, like you would in a hospital. "Asa?"
I'm in a hospital? I don't really recall much between when I started panicking in Zac's office, and what's happening right now, but my heart sinks in my chest at the thought of what could have happened. As soon as that thought comes to my mind, my eyes fly open in panic, and I find myself trying to sit up by grabbing onto anything and force myself into a seated position, but failing miserably because of how weak my body feels.
"Hold on, love," Asa's words are somewhat soothing as I realize that he's keeping me from thrashing, and raising the head of the bed so I'm seated up. I reach out for him in a panic, grabbing onto his arm gently.
"Ohmygod, Asa," the words fly out of my mouth before I can even process what I'm saying or thinking. I don't hold back, because I'm in such a need to get answers. "Asa...Asa...the baby?!" I gasp out, trying to find some answer in his expression.
My heart aches for a moment, so worried about the baby. I'm fourteen weeks, meaning I've made it past the first trimester already, but I'm still terrified that something might have happened to this baby. It's possible, and knowing my terrible luck...God, I don't even want to think about that. I just want to hear that he or she is okay.
Asa slowly sinks into the seat again, smiling at me calmly. His expression gives me some hope that everything is okay, but I need him to verbally tell me before I get my hopes up in case things are terribly wrong. Asa's hand caresses my baby bump, and I find my own hand flying out to cover his.
"Baby's okay. You're okay. I'm here. We're all okay," Asa answers all my questions without me even having to ask them, and I can honestly say that I've never been so thankful or relieved before. In my entire life, I've never felt fear in the way that I just did, and it just made me realize how badly I want this. For the past few weeks, this baby, and knowing that Asa was here for us is what has kept me going. "Everything's going to be okay."