Chapter 3
IRENE'S POV
The pain I felt was like a deep hollow of nothingness that delved deeper and deeper even when I tried not to think about last night. The image was engraved in my head.
I hadn't slept a wink. I sat up in my bed all night with my thoughts all over hell's half acre. My shoulders were slumped and my hair was let loose to drop down, covering the side of my face.
There was a knock on my door but I didn't lift my eyes from the sheets. The knock sounded again and it took a while to recover. I lifted my gaze and sighed, drilling a hole into the door.
I didn't want any visitors. I simply wished to sit in my bed all day but that couldn't happen. I muttered a weak "come in," and mentally mocked my sorry tone.
"Luna?" A maid stepped in and I locked eyes with her. She gasped with her eyes going wide for a brief second before she lowered her eyes.
Did I really look that bad in just one night?
"B-breakfast has been served and the Alpha's mother has asked me to come fetch you," she stuttered.
"I see," I sighed again and started to drag myself out of bed. My knees were weak from holding me up. "Bring out something for me to wear and... Some make-up for my face."
"Y-Yes, Luna!"
I showered quickly and dressed up fast. When I stared into the mirror, I shook my head at my sorry self. My eye bags were bad and there were dark circles too. I looked like I had been crying all night.
The maid helped in applying the pancake and covering it up. I thanked her and rushed for breakfast after practicing my smile in the mirror.
I was going to act like there was no weight in my heart and no turbulence in my head. But my smile froze when I got to the table.
Lexie was laughing with Aunty and Karson had a smile on his face while he ate- that was something that had never happened.
"Oh, Luna," Lexie's voice was high and she sounded elated. "You're here. We've been waiting for you. Breakfast is almost cold."
She was a very pretty young woman with bob brown hair, an oblong face, love shaped bow lip and her body figure was very matured. Her boobs were bigger than mine and so were her thighs. This was probably Karson's type.
What was she doing here? Why was she here? She had no right to be here- unless...
"Lexie, here, joined us for breakfast," Aunt explained. She probably read the confusion on my face.
"Sorry, if it's uncomfortable for you," Lexie said and nervously rubbed her hand on her neck.
I saw it.
She knew I saw it.
The band-aid on her neck was no joke. I had lost Karson and she was making that clear.
She didn't have breakfast with us every other day. It was just that one time but it sent a clear message to me. My days in his life were numbered.
I went down for breakfast with a thudding heart and anxiousness in my womb.
Their silence was taking a toll on me. I wondered if it was their plan to drive me mad so they could find an excuse to kick me out but Karson didn't need an excuse to get rid of me. He could do it whenever he wanted since he had found his mate.
So why was he holding back? Why were they keeping their affair a secret?
My thoughts were ferocious and they showed no mercy. A minute of idleness and I was sinking deep into depression. I picked up more work than usual. An attempt to keep my mind occupied and busy was starting to weigh down on me.
I left my office by 2a.m. every day, only to return by 8a.m. I had no complaints whatsoever but after a week, I noticed the workload started to reduce. The usual heap of files I arranged for myself were halved and I was rounding off sooner than I wanted.
"Raphael, why is there so little work to do?" I voiced my complaints to the Gamma of the Pack. He was arranging a few files for me to check out and I was already frowning at how little they were.
"Shouldn't you be happy?" He asked instead. "You've been working too much of late," he was one of the few who could speak freely to me despite my Luna title. He was a good friend of mine despite still being Karson's Gamma.
"I'm not complaining," I told him. "What happened to all the work?" I wanted to sink into work and nothing more. It was my only means of escape at this point.
"Well, Alpha Karson shared some of your Luna duties to Lexie-"
"What?" I must've misheard. I refused to believe my ears. "What did you just say?" Raphael met my gaze with caution. He was probably debating whether or not to repeat that. In the end, he did.
"But, I don't understand... Am I doing something wrong? Did I make a mistake somewhere-"
"No, never. Irene, you're perfect. You've been doing everything right from the very beginning," he encouraged, pulling me out from the hands of criticism that my thoughts had wrapped around me.
"Then why? I am Luna. Only Luna should handle Luna affairs," I said more to myself, trying to understand the situation and give reasons why it wasn't even making any sense.
Raphael glanced away for a moment and my heart sank. "You've been noticing it too, haven't you?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you so you wouldn't worry so much," He made an apologetic face. "I simply carried out the order. Maybe you could ask him sometime," he suggested. "Would you like to go for a walk? To clear your mind at least?"
This was happening too fast for me to wrap my head around. I swallowed hard as I looked around my office. Since when was there a deputy Luna?
What was Karson's aim in all of this? Was he trying to ridicule my position or make me know my place?
I nodded and he smiled, turning away immediately. "Would you like ice cream or sandwich along the way-"
"R-Raphael?" I called and stepped out from behind my desk. He was already at the door when he turned to face me. " Let's go for a smoke break instead," I needed another form of distraction since Karson had taken this one away from me.
"What do you mean?" He asked, sounding suspicious.
"I want to smoke too."
My workload reduced as my deputy Luna took her work seriously. Day by day I did less work but I occupied myself with smoking in my bathroom whenever I could.
It was relaxing and it helped me let out some steam.
I was in my room by 6pm. that evening, smoking again when I heard a knock on the door.
I froze for a moment, looking at the door with furrowed brows. I wasn't expecting anyone. Plus Karson never came here. He had his own room now.
"Who is it-"
"Irene, dear? Can I come in?" Aunt Teresa's voice had me slamming the cigarette on the ashtray. I carried it to the bathroom and dumped it in the sink.
I rushed out and grabbed my perfumes, spraying the air with my heart beating wildly in my chest. After I sniffed the air and made sure the cigarette smell was gone, I took a deep breath and opened the door.
Her shiny face and warm smile came into view. She stood in a composed manner with her head tipped up. Aunty could never be caught without the aura and grace of a queen.
I ushered her in with more enthusiasm than normal and I hoped she wouldn't notice.
"You finished your duties a little early. That's good. Why didn't you come over to my room so we could talk?" She wondered, heading to the dropped curtains. "It's quite dark in here," she mumbled to herself and spread the curtain open.
I raised a hand to shield my eyes from the light. I preferred the dark and gloomy area. It was a perfect place to hide my shame.
How could I even look at myself in the mirror and call myself a Luna? I was a sorry excuse for one.
"I didn't want to disturb you with my issues," I intertwined my fingers over my thighs as I stood by the door with my eyes on the floor of where she was.
She turned her body in my direction, "Oh? That's a first. Is something going on?"
Something? More than enough was going on and I doubted Aunty even knew half of it. "Not at all," I shook my head. If Karson wouldn't tell her, then I wouldn't dare to mention it.
Aunt Teresa was a supportive mother to both Karson and I. I wondered how she would react to Karson finally finding his mate. I wouldn't want to put her at a crossroad.
Actually, I think I just couldn't bear the thought of Aunt Teresa picking Lexie over me. It hurt that Karson already did but it would hurt me more and rip my heart out if the only mother figure I've known all my life were to discard me like I meant nothing.
"It's your birthday tomorrow," she announced. "Did you forget?"
"Oh," a day I had always looked forward to was now insignificant to me. "I guess I did."
She sighed, "Perhaps are you working too much, Irene?"
I almost scoffed with my vision blurred with tears, "No, that's impossible. I'm not even doing nearly enough."
"What do you mean? You work everyday and you're doing good," she defended. "Are you crying again?"
I couldn't help it. My chin was trembling as I tried to hold back my tears. It felt as though a dam was about to break. I felt like a worthless piece of crap. Karson couldn't even trust me with Luna duties anymore, he handed them over to that other woman.
What was I thinking? I was actually the "other woman" in their relationship. I was an outsider who could never take the place of his mate.
Not that I even wanted to try- far from it! I just wanted Karson to acknowledge my love for him and my efforts to make him happy and satisfied. Was that really too much to ask?
I was in Aunt Teresa's embrace by the time I recovered myself. She wrapped her arms around me as I tried to control my sobs.
"Don't doubt yourself so much, my dear. Everything will be just fine," she reassured and I nodded even though I knew things wouldn't be fine. They would only get worse and worse with each passing day.
I made up my mind to confront Karson about what he had done rather than allow myself to wallow and sink further into self pity and doubt.
Aunt Teresa left after informing me she would be returning from a short trip tomorrow evening to celebrate my birthday with me. I took a shower and by evening I was heading to Karson's room. My head was throbbing from a dull headache that had become a constant thing every evening for a week now and my temperature was quite high.
I made it to Karson's room and after practicing controlled breathing up to five times, I knocked.
"Come in," his voice was soft and it made my heart melt. For a second there I wondered if he was expecting someone else.
I walked into his room with his scent hitting me first. It's been a while since I stepped into his personal space. The last time I did that, I nearly had a heart attack from what I saw.
Karson was seated on his king sized bed with his head turned to a document. He had moved back to his old room. While everything was familiar in here, the one thing that wasn't was this hot man in nothing but his dark blue pants.
I almost drooled just by staring at his chest and bulging muscles. When next would I get to touch his body-
"I suppose you didn't come here to stare, right?" His voice interrupted my thoughts and gone was the soft tone that I had received outside the door.
He was back to his usual self and cold tone especially with the way he gazed at me with no atom of smile on his face.
I summon my courage, "Right. I came because I need answers. You handed part of my duties to Lexie and I'd appreciate it if you could tell me why."
His brow arched in a silent question, "It's been a week already. Why is it suddenly so important to know?"
He was right. I had taken too long to question him. I should've headed into his office the first time I heard the news.
"I know. I've only been wondering if there was something I wasn't doing right," I stated while trying to keep a straight face. "So I took the time to look inwards and question myself-"
"There's no need for you to do that, Irene," he tilted his head. "You've managed the Packs finances very well while making sure there's adequate supply of everyone's needs." His compliment left me stunned as I never expected it from him.
"Then," I took a step closer. "Why is Lexie acting as a deputy Luna? It is unheard of that Luna's duties are given to someone else. Is there something I should know-"
"If that'll be all, I'd like to get back to my duties now. As you can see," he lifted the document slightly. "I'm still occupied."
I gaped at him in shock. He was openly dismissing my question about Lexie. Was this what it had come to?
"It's my birthday tomorrow," I announced with my eyes on the sheets, wondering if he had ever taken Lexie here and did to her what he did with me during the night of our mating ceremony.
Was he more passionate and gentle? Did he hold her after-
I let out a harsh breath as there was nothing but silence. He had turned his attention back to his work and it showed that I wasn't needed here anymore.
I quietly left his room and I doubted he even noticed that I was gone.
I spent the night with a high fever and a headache but by morning after throwing up a few times, I realized what my condition was.
I threw out the cigarettes and got rid of the ash tray. I got naked and stood in front of a mirror. My breasts were fuller and my nipples had spread and were wider.
Karson would've noticed if he had spared me a minute or more of his time for a little visit.
I needed to get out of here. This place was no longer my home. It was only a matter of time before Karson would welcome his mate to his side and she would be made Luna as soon as possible.
There was nothing left for me here; not in the pack and not even by his side. I did the only thing I could do at this point; the only thing Karson would appreciate and probably love me for someday... I ran.