Chapter 4

Nicolas

I thought this night would be fun but I was in so much pain the whole night. I thought the endless women I had in my bed every weekend had cured me from Nicol but while she was in the same room as me, I couldn’t help but feel all the pain I felt 12 years ago. The worst thing of it all was I could feel her when I walked to someone, I could feel her being close to me, my body knew where she was at all times. I hated every minute I was thinking about breaking my rule and take Karen back to my apartment and fuck her again just to forget about Nicol but clearly, I’ve been doing everything wrong. When the MC called me to the stage and thank me for my contributions to the Bellevue hospital, I couldn’t even look at the table Nicol was sitting at and that is where all the doctors sat. I needed to thanked them for their hard work but I couldn’t not with Nicol there. Thinking of Nicol at a doctors table also didn’t make sense at all. I mean it’s not like she had a wedding ring on. Yes, that was the first thing I looked for. So, she is not married to a doctor, does this mean she became a doctor at the end? Well after my speech I swallowed my pride and walked up to the table thanking each of the doctors that was sitting there, then I looked at Nicol and said “I didn’t know you are a doctor, Nicol.” Before she could answer another doctor said “Oh no she’s not, she’s a nurse at our hospital the most hard-working nurse you will ever find.” To say I was surprised was an understatement she never ever spoke of becoming a nurse “A nurse?” Was all I said before I walked away, I didn’t even let her talk I mean clearly, I didn’t know her as well as I thought.

I went back to my table where Karen was making small talk with all the tech guys of my company there was a few of them that was clearly drooling over her but I couldn’t care less. They can have her if they want her, I’m done with her. We ate our dinner they were talking about I don’t even know what my mind wasn’t at this table it was at the table with the red head and all the doctors. ‘A nurse?’ I said over and over in my head. I’m sure Karen was talking but I couldn’t hear her not with everything that was going on in my mind. “Nicolas!” She almost yelled at me and believe me if there is one thing you don’t do is you don’t raise you voice at me especially not in public. “What?” “Where were you?” “I’m right here and please don’t ever raise your voice for me again or wait you won’t be able to because I’m not seeing you again.” “What did you just say?” She asked “I know you are blond Karen but come on you do understand English I’m done with you.” Everyone at the table’s eyes got as wide as saucers they couldn’t believe what I was doing right in front of them. But I had enough I had enough of Karen and her clinginess and definitely her constant talking. “In that case I’m leaving.” She said. She probable thought I’ll beg her to stay. “As you wish.” She grabbed her bag and walked out of the Museum very upset. To tell you the truth I really didn’t care my attention was on the red head and what she did to me and the fact that I was clearly not over it yet. Suddenly the talking started again among the others sitting at the table and then I heard the band start playing Elvis’s song ‘I can’t help falling in love with you’ It was always our song mine and Nicol my body moved without me telling it to. I tapped her on the shoulder “Can I have this dance?” She turned and gave me her hand. I could swear I saw tears in her eyes but it was impossible I mean it wasn’t me that hurt her it was her that hurt me.

As soon as we got on the dance floor it was like we were never apart. We started to dance to our song just like the old days. I knew exactly what her body was going to do and she knew exactly what I was going to do. While we danced, I had an inside struggle with myself I so badly wanted to know why she left me 12 years ago but my head was telling me ‘If I ask her, she will know that I was still hurt about that’ The song was coming to an end and I didn’t say anything yet, just before the end I asked her “Why did you leave me?” She suddenly stopped dancing when I looked at her, she was crying the tears where streaming down her face. This time I couldn’t miss it. “This is not the place to talk about it.” She said “Then when? You just going to disappear again?” “You know where I work so no, I’m not disappearing.” Then she let go of my hand and literally ran out of the ball room. The second time she ran from me. ‘Fuck Nicolas isn’t this a sign?’ I asked myself as I was standing alone on the dance floor watching how her body disappear out the doors.

I went back to our table and tried to get involved in the conversation at least no one asked me about that women that just ran from me I might have just exploded. When dessert was finished, I couldn’t take the small talk anymore I excused myself and walked to the door got my coat. My driver was at the entrance in seconds. “I’m going to walk Geoffrey.” “You sure Sir it is cold.” “I’m sure. You go so long.” Geoffrey knew not to argue with me so he left me to walk back to my apartment it wasn’t far, I enjoyed the cold it was something else I was feeling except for my heart breaking all over again. I thought about Nicol the whole way back to my apartment. She was right I did know were she worked if I wanted to, I can go to her I can ask her out and we can talk. Maybe I need closure but then again, she ran from me yet again tonight do I really want to put myself through all that yet again especially this time of year.