Chapter 5 : The Funeral

A black dress makes a statement. This black dress fit her form snugly, accenting her curves while keeping more modest than she was used to. This dress announced grief. This dress told the world that she was an orphan and that even though she was an adult, navigating the world with no parents at all was a daunting task.

Wearing a black dress in a sea of other black outfits should be a form of camouflage, but she knew the second she stepped outside, all eyes would be on her. Some members of the pack had made it clear that they weren't pleased she had chosen not to speak at her father's funeral. Some had told her that it was Lucas's duty, not hers, so don't pay any mind to the others.

She wasn't sure who was right.

The dining hall wasn't exactly bustling with activity, but it wasn't empty. Some of the members of the pack that used their gifts here were preparing to serve a meal after the ceremony.

"I think we can just bring in more pizzas. I don't want to get too carried away. People will need some relief from all of the emotion of the ceremony," Amelia explained to a frantic Mrs. Helen.

Mrs. Helen was the head of the dining hall staff, and she had insisted that there wasn't enough food. She suggested they could break out some of the frozen chicken sandwiches, or perhaps try and grill up some hamburgers.

"You want me to just order pizzas?" Mrs. Helen clarified, seeming relieved.

"Yes. I don't want anyone too stressed today. We've had enough stress between yesterday and today. Let's all just take it easy," Amelia assured her.

Mrs. Helen nodded and scurried away, leaving Amelia to stand by herself as the room seemed to swirl around her.

It was time. She had caused enough disturbance by asking Lucas to do the eulogy. She'd texted him some sentiments she wanted to be included, but that was the most input she could muster on whatever happened today. The practical stuff, like getting everyone fed, or scheduling meetings for tomorrow, that she could handle.

But facing her emotions?

She'd tasted enough tragedy to know she wanted that cup to pass from her.

So, when she stepped out of the safety of The Main, and into the beating sun, she blinked against the blinding light and expectations of everyone around her. As she had suspected, it seemed all eyes turned to her as she made her way to her seat. It didn't matter that there was nothing noticeable about her, there was nothing particularly striking to set her apart from the rest of the pack. She might as well have come to the ceremony in a wedding dress.

She took her seat behind the podium, focusing on breathing in and breathing out.

A firm hand on her shoulder interrupted her practice breaths, and she couldn't help but jump a little.

"Sorry to scare you," Lucas said, leaning down to speak quietly so only she could hear. "I've got everything settled. I think this will all roll smoothly, and we can get it all done in an hour or less. Can you make it that long? I can always talk fast," he offered, complete with a charming half smile that made her heart stutter a beat.

She shouldn't be considering how handsome he looked in his suit, as her father's casket sat feet away. And yet...

"Thank you," Amelia breathed, genuinely grateful that this was taken care of. "I can hold it together however long you need."

"We're going to get through this," he assured her.

Amelia could only offer him a grateful look, studying the storm clouds in his eyes. She was out of words, at least for now.

Lucas stepped to the podium and called the pack to order, beginning the ceremony. The daisy fleabane that had been gathered for the ceremony was placed gently in the casket against the chest of her father that would never take breath again. Lucas delivered a eulogy that should have made her cry, but she was systematically turning off her senses.

The sun was a little too warm, even though there was a cool breeze. Amelia shut that out. She refused to feel the sweat beading on the back of her neck, or dripping down her spine. She tuned out the sound of Lucas' baritone voice praising her father and promising a bright future for the pack. She cut out the feelings that tore at her chest, until she felt nothing at all.

This was happening to someone else. This couldn't be happening to her. She would wake up in the morning and discover this was a nightmare. She would realize she had simply gotten too invested in a book she read. She would come to her senses and understand she was just watching television. Anything but this nightmare she had been thrust into against her will. She refused to accept it.

She needed to distract herself, and quickly. As hard as she tried, tears were welling in her eyes, and she would not let them fall. Her eyes flicked through the crowd. Julian sat on the front row, face solemn. He offered her an apologetic glance when he noticed her gaze.

Amelia shifted her gaze away, not wanting to think too hard about the hair that hung in black curtains across his face. She turned to look at Lucas, trying to look interested in his speech, but realizing she was mostly just staring at his round ass, and that was embarrassing.

Hopefully, no one noticed.

However, her gaze fell on Nathan, Lucas' best friend, and she didn't miss the smirk he aimed at her. Had he noticed her checking out Lucas' ass, or did he just know she needed someone not to treat her like a wounded dog?

It didn't matter, her heart thundered in her chest, and suddenly she needed Lucas to finish the ceremony. His timing was impeccable, or he picked up on a shift in her mood. Either way, it was time to lower the casket.

A breeze blew through the gathering, orange leaves decorating the descending casket. Fitting. A golden send-off for the golden boy of the pack. Amelia couldn't remember a time when the pack hadn't adored her father.

And yet, they seemed to question her competency in his absence.

As Alpha and daughter of the departed, she was first in line to cast a hand of dirt over the coffin. She grabbed up some pale brown earth and tossed it in, watching half of it blow away in the wind. Also fitting.

She could only partially commit to mourning him today. Half of her was already blown away in the wind, chasing anything that might numb the pain.

She made her way to the dining hall, not waiting on any of the others. Amelia sat at a table in a corner of the room, hoping no one would notice her. She was expected to be here, but she couldn't bring herself to be social. Not now, maybe not ever again.

Her heart was a dangerous hurricane of spinning emotions, and she wanted to trust herself before she considered entertaining anyone else.

People filed in, some stopping to offer condolences, and others ignoring her completely. She felt as if she were under a microscope though, with people trying to gauge how life would look with her at the helm. She was young and untested, but she came from some of the best shifter bloodlines there were. Everything was a waiting game.

Nathan slapped a hand on the table, startling her.

"You can't mope in solitude anymore. If you're going to mope, you've got to mope with us," he announced, pulling out a chair and plopping down.

Lucas had a little more decorum when he joined them, passing a plate with a slice of pizza over to Amelia.

"You can't drink on an empty stomach," he ordered.

Amelia's eyes narrowed. "Who said anything about drinking?"

"Someone just broke out the beer coolers and I know it's just a matter of time until Nathan makes you drink one," Lucas explained, nodding over his shoulder.

"Oh, hell yeah," Nathan cheered.

Nathan scarfed down two slices of pizza before heading to get a round of beers for everyone. Amelia always wondered where he had the space to store all of the food he ate. She couldn't count the number of times she'd seen him eat more than his own body weight, and yet, he stayed as fit as ever.

He was nowhere near as buff as Julian, and not even as muscular as Lucas, but he was still more fit than she was. He was tall, just an inch shorter than Lucas, with hair that sat in soft, brown waves on top of his head. Amelia watched him bound back to them, a goofy grin on his face.

Nathan slapped three beers on the table.

"Well, I've already brought it over, so I guess you better get to drinking it," he encouraged her.

"I don't think now is a good time for drinking," she answered hesitantly.

"Oh, please, everybody in here is doing it. You've got to cut loose with everybody every once in a while. When was the last time you had a drink, anyway?" Nathan pressed.

Amelia picked cautiously at the pizza, still not hungry. Maybe if she ate a little, that would appease him.

"Finish it, and then finish the beer," Nathan insisted, green eyes sparkling with a dangerous edge.

Her eyes flicked between the two men at her table. Lucas' gentleness and steady nature was in stark contrast to Nathan's bold personality, but the two were perfect complements to each other. And equally handsome.

Amelia scolded herself as she took another bite of her pizza. She really shouldn't be letting her mind wander in that direction. One of the meetings she would have tomorrow was about the selection of her mate. She ought to be focusing on that and preparing for her military tactics meeting with Julian, not considering how many handsome men were surrounding her recently.

Still, as Nathan cracked jokes and Lucas tossed her sympathetic glances, she found herself gradually loosening up. Eventually, she was even smiling and laughing with them, and downing a couple of beers.

Once the room started to spin and the sun had gone down, Amelia knew it was time to get back to her room. She would already regret her choices in the morning.

"I've got to get to bed," she stated as the conversation came to a lull.

"Let me walk you. I want to make sure you make it one piece, you little alcoholic," Nathan offered.

Amelia obliged. "It's your fault, you made me drink them all."

"Giving in to peer pressure, just another reason I need to escort you back."

It was a short walk to her room, and she found herself looking for a reason not to go in. She wanted just one more minute with him.

"If this were a date, this is where I'd kiss you," Nathan said bluntly as they reached her bedroom door.

"Is that right? What kind of kiss would that be?" Amelia asked, feeling bubbly from the beer.

He pretended to consider for a moment before leaning in. He used his forefinger to tip her chin up to him, and then slipped that hand to the side of her face, holding her there. His full lips met hers, hungry and wild.

Amelia could feel herself give into him, desperate for more of his touch, though feeling a tinge of guilt at the same time. She made fists with her hands in his shirt, ignoring all other feelings inside of her.

Nathan deepened the kiss for just a moment before pulling away.

"I don't want this just because you're drunk. If this was going to happen, I'd want you to be sober," he told her, before kissing her softly on the forehead and walking away.

What was she getting herself into?