CHAPTER THREE

ASHLEY

“We did everything we could, Mrs. Blackwood, but we couldn’t save the baby.”

The doctor’s words echoed in my mind. That moment had shattered me, leaving behind nothing but broken pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. It was the moment my world crumbled, when I finally let myself sink into the waves of despair.

It had been two weeks since I woke up in the hospital bed, two weeks since those words carved themselves into my soul. Yet, they still lingered.

Tears burned at the corners of my eyes as I moved to the bathroom, hoping the steam and heat of the shower would offer some relief, some escape from the weight of my grief.

I pressed my forehead against the cool tile of the shower, letting the water mix with the tears streaming down my face.

I stayed under the water far longer than I should’ve, letting it scald my skin as though it could burn away the pain. But no amount of heat could erase the cold emptiness in my chest.

When I finally climbed into bed, exhaustion wrapped itself around me like a heavy blanket.

I hadn’t planned it this way. I hadn’t known how quickly the decision would come to me, but once it did, there was no turning back.

Last week, I signed the divorce papers. Last week,I stopped being Ashley Blackwood

Kyle had signed too, without protest. It was as if he didn’t even care enough to fight for us. He hadn’t begged me to reconsider or promised to change. No, it was as if he had already been preparing himself for this, for the end of whatever we had once shared.

The shrill sound of my phone jolted me, making my heart skip another beat. The screen lit with Violet’s name on the display.

"Jesus Violet! It's so early," I muttered

"Hey it's past 8'. You aren't still sleeping are you?"

She questioned on the other end.

I gently wiped away the tears that were already streaming down my face, a habit I had picked up in the past week.

“No, just had a shower,” I answered, my voice sounding more drained than I intended.

“Ashley?” Concern laced her voice as she called my name. Violet had been my best friend since high school, so close that our lives had intertwined in ways that felt almost inseparable. We had even married friends who were friends with each other, a bond that ran deep.

No,I already divorced Kyle.

"I'm fine… really. It’s just… overwhelming." I finally admitted.

“I know, Ash. I know,” she said gently.

“Do you want to talk about it over breakfast?” She asked.

“Nah! I'll just go back to sleep, it's the weekend anyway,” I said.

“Breakfast in bed it is, I brought McChic,” she sighed and the doorbell rang.

“Are you really here right now?” I asked in surprise.

“Yup!!” She popped on the ‘p’

“And I'm coming in since you can't get your ass out of the bed,” she said and I heard the front door open.

I walked out of the bedroom to see Violet with two bags of McChic burgers in her hands.

“I'm starting to regret giving you my spare key,” I chuckled.

“Nice to see you too, sweetie,” she rolled her eyes.

As she advanced closer, the aroma of the burger hit my nostrils and my stomach growled.

Her teasing smile softened as she handed me one of the bags, the warm, comforting smell filling the space between us.

“You know you’re the best,” I mumbled, taking the bag from her.

“I know,” she grinned, her eyes sparkling with that mischievous glint I had come to expect from her.

She plopped down on the couch, grabbing a burger from the bag. “So… I assume you’ve already eaten, huh? Judging by the McChic delivery, you clearly know the drill.”

I chuckled, the sound shaky as I sat down beside her. “I’m not that predictable.”

“You’re totally that predictable, Ash,” she said with a smirk. “Now, enough of this sad, depressing talk. Tell me what’s really going on. I know you’re trying to avoid talking about it, but we both know it’s eating at you.”

I hesitated, the lump in my throat growing as the weight of everything pressed down on me once more. Kyle was gone, and no matter how many times I told myself I was better off, the truth was, I wasn’t sure if I even recognized the woman I had become.

But Violet was right. I needed to talk.

“Maybe… Maybe I just don’t know who I am anymore, Vi,” I whispered, my voice barely above a whisper.

Violet’s expression softened, and she reached out to place a comforting hand on my knee. “Ashley, it’s okay to feel like this. You’ve been through so much, and no one expects you to have it all figured out right now. You’re stronger than you think.”

Her words warmed me, but they weren’t enough to ease the storm raging in my chest. I hesitated for a moment, looking down at my hands as I twisted the ring I no longer wore.

“I can’t do this anymore, Violet,” I said, my voice trembling but resolute.

She tilted her head, concern etched into her features. “What do you mean? What can’t you do?”

I took a deep breath, forcing the words out before I could second-guess myself. “I’m leaving.”

Violet blinked at me, the shock evident on her face. “Leaving? What are you talking about?”

“I’m leaving New York,” I said, my voice steady now, as if saying it aloud solidified the decision in my mind. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I just… I need a fresh start. I’m going to Germany, to my parents. I’ll start over there.”

“Germany?” she repeated, her tone filled with disbelief. “Ashley, are you serious? You’re just going to pack up and leave everything behind?”

“Yes,” I whispered, the word feeling heavier than I expected. “I need to get out of here, Vi. This place, these memories… they’re suffocating me. Every street corner, every café—it’s all tainted. I can’t keep living in the shadow of what my life used to be.”

Violet stared at me, her lips pressed together as if she were trying to find the right words. Finally, she sighed. “Ash, I get it. I do”

“I’m starting over. I don’t know who I am here anymore, and I need space to figure that out. Germany might not have all the answers, but it’s a step. A chance to breathe.”

Violet leaned back on the bed, her brows furrowing as she processed my words. “When are you leaving?” she asked after a long silence.

“Next week,” I admitted. “I’ve already booked my flight.”

Her eyes widened. “Next week? Ashley, you weren’t even going to tell me until now?”

I shrugged helplessly. “I wasn’t sure how to say it. You’ve been my rock through everything, and I didn’t want to upset you. But I’ve made up my mind, Vi. This is something I have to do for myself.”

She shook her head, her expression a mix of frustration and sadness. “I don’t want you to go, but I get it. If this is what you need, then… I’ll support you. Always.”

Tears stung my eyes, and I reached over to hug her tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered. “For understanding, for being here… for everything.”

She held me for a while  before pulling back, her own eyes glistening. “You’d better call me every day, you hear me? And when you’re ready to come back, I’ll be right here.”

I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips. “I promise.”

Violet’s eyes searched mine, her expression softening again. “You know I’ll always be here for you, Ash. But… are you sure there’s nothing else? Nothing you’re not telling me?”

My breath hitched, but I forced myself to keep my expression steady. The weight of what I hadn’t shared sat heavy in my chest, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Not now. Not when the wounds were still so raw.

“There’s nothing, Vi,” I lied, plastering on a weak smile. “You already know everything.”

She tilted her head, studying me the way only someone who’s known you forever can. “If you say so,” she murmured, her tone laced with quiet skepticism.

I turned away, pretending to reach for my burger, but really, it was just to avoid her piercing gaze. If she knew—if I told her about the pregnancy and the miscarriage—she’d only feel guilty for not realizing, for not being able to help. And I couldn’t handle seeing that pity in her eyes.

Instead, I bit into the burger, letting the savory flavors fill my mouth, masking the bitterness that threatened to rise in my throat.

“You’re not eating,” I said, changing the subject as I gestured toward her untouched food.

Violet sighed but didn’t push further, picking up her burger with a small shake of her head. “Fine. But you’re not off the hook. Not by a long shot.”

Her words were light, but they still cut through me. She’d always been able to tell when I was holding something back, but this time, I prayed she wouldn’t dig too deep. Some secrets were mine to carry alone.