I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO MY DAUGHTER

Rain

The ocean stretches endlessly this morning. Its steady rhythm usually calms me, but today, it’s just a blur—an empty expanse that mirrors the storm of thoughts I can’t quiet.

Keller will be here soon, bringing Rainidy, my daughter, with her. My daughter—the words seem strange. I have a daughter and can’t wait to get closer to her—and her mother. The idea fills me with a strange mix of nerves and excitement, a blend of emotions I haven’t felt since those early days on stage when Keller was my opening act.

Twelve years ago, Keller was the spark that lit me up. Just thinking about those nights—the way she moved on stage, her voice laced with something so pure and pristine that it captivated everyone—sends me back. I remember the rush Ifelt when our eyes would meet across a crowded room or right before a show. And those nights we spent together, tangled up in each other’s arms—losing all track of time.

The salty breeze carries me back to that last night together, a memory etched so vividly that it feels like I’m reliving it. It was bitter-sweet. I didn’t realize she was saying goodbye–if I would have known… I finally give in and let my mind drift back to that night.

“Rain! This is it! They’re signing you. I’m so happy for you,” her clear gray eyes practically glowed with pride and something else—I remember wondering what she was feeling, but I was so full of myself and couldn’t wait to hit it big.

I leaned forward, taking her in my arms. “Let’s celebrate!” I whispered in her ear as I picked her up and carried her to the back of the bus—to the bedroom we shared.

Laying her in the middle, I quickly began to strip off her clothes. “What was the news you wanted to tell me?” I asked in between heated kisses.

My eyes went wide when I saw what she was wearing under her clothes. It was a black lace teddy with tiny red bows—my favorite for her to wear.

She gave me a hesitant smile, and then it turned sultry—sexy. “This was my news… I wanted to surprise you,” she said, eyes darkening with passion.

“Don’t take it off. I want to make love to you in that outfit.” I gave her a smug smile, using my teeth to unsnap the closure between her thighs. Her fingers grasped my hair and gave it a tug as her desire burned higher. Lapping at her slick folds, delving deep into her— it didn’t take long for her to cry out my name and then come in my arms. When she finished, I grabbed her around the waist and rolled, pulling her on top of me.

She automatically sat up. Her blonde hair framed her face as she looked at me, her eyes filled with an emotion I’ll never forget. When she threw back her head, the tips of her long hair teased my thighs. Bunching the black lace teddy up around her waist, I settled her over my rock-hard erection. She moaned as I filled her, taking all of me. She then stopped for a moment, looking directly into my eyes. “I love you, Rain.”

My hands reached out for her breasts, pinching her nipples to taunt peaks through the sheer fabric. She started to move slowly at first, but soon, neither of us had the breath or strength for words as I let her set the pace. She brought us both to a shuddering climax. We shouted out the other’s name as we found our bliss.

Later, as we fell asleep in each other’s arms, she said it again, this time as a whisper, “I love you, Rain. I’ll always love you.”

I don’t remember answering her. I was too tired from our lovemaking, still flying high from being signed by a label and getting an agent. Too confident that she would always be there by my side. It wasn’t until later, the next night, that I found out she was gone. She’d left me—without a note, without a single word of explanation.

I was devastated and wanted to go after her, but I had no idea where to look. She left no clues. And I had already signed the contract with Dereck that morning, wondering why she wasn’t there to cheer me on. But the contract went into effect, and the show had to go on. Dereck, the agent assigned to me, promised to try and find her–but it was like she had just disappeared.

The first few years were hectic, traveling from place to place. I hardly had time even to miss her—but I did. The night is when I would ache for her—her warmth, her body, her love.

But as my popularity grew, women started throwing themselves at me, and I took what they willingly offered—enjoyed it even. And slowly, I thought of Keller less over the years. I never forgot her, but I pushed her to the back of my thoughts, only bringing out her memory in my lowest moments. Sam was the only one who knew about her or even remembered that once years ago, I used to be head over heels in love.

It’s only been this last year that the gold started to lose its shimmer—The gilding began to fade. Under the glimmering gold was an emptiness, a longing for someone special to share things with.

Even after all these years, I still think about that night—how the stormy depths of her eyes shone with something I couldn’t quite name. It haunts me. Was it love or something else—regret, maybe? I always wondered, but now I know that she was planning on leaving me even then. The only difference is now I know why. She was carrying my baby.

I drag my hand through my hair, trying to shake off the memories, but they cling to me like sea mist.

It’s not just my daughter I want to know better; it’s Keller, too. I want to understand why she left and what she’s been through. Underneath everything, is she still the same girl I loved back then?

Seeing her last night only brought everything back with a force I wasn’t ready for. The truth is, I never got over her. A question lingers that I haven’t been able to shake since I learned Rainidy was my daughter: could there still be something between us after all this time?

When the car pulls up, I take a deep breath, preparing myself. Rainidy steps out first, but my eyes catch on Keller, following behind her. Even now, she’s just as beautiful, though different in ways I can’t quite explain. The dark brown hair is new, a disguise of sorts, but there’s no hiding those eyes that remind me of a deep, clear pool or how her glance is warry yet hopeful at the same time.

“Hey, Rainidy,” I say, keeping my voice steady as I greet her, but my eyes can’t help straying to her mother, noticing the way she holds herself and the slight tension in her posture.

Rainidy’s voice pulls me back. “Hi.” She gives me a small, tentative smile, glancing back at her mom as if waiting for her approval.

Keller’s gaze is guarded, but she gives Rainidy a reassuring nod, and together, they step up to the house. I hold the door open, catching a whiff of Keller’s familiar scent as she passes. It hits me like a punch—warm and real, a memory that leaps out of the past and settles right here in front of me.

The house seems brighter as I lead them through to the main room. Rainidy glances around, her eyes wide as she takes in the view of the ocean through the floor-to-ceiling windows and glass sliding doors. “You can see the beach from here?”

I smile, nodding. “Yeah. I thought you might like it.”

Rainidy’s face lights up, but I notice Keller’s expression softening for a moment as she watches her daughter’s reaction. There’s pride there, a fierce love I admire. When her gaze shifts back to me, it’s like a bolt of electricity, and I forget how to breathe for a second.

We settle in the living room, an awkward silence settling over us as we find our places. I watch Rainidy set her backpack and worn guitar case beside her. Keller brought a small bag as well. She sits beside our daughter, instinctively protective.

I clear my throat, glancing between the two of them. “So, Rainidy,” I say, leaning forward. “Let’s see. I already know you’re really into music.”

Rainidy’s face lights up, nodding eagerly. “Yeah. Mom got me my guitar last Christmas, and I’ve been working on my songs. Mom taught me some, but I’ve been learning a lot at school, too.”

My gaze flickers to Keller, my mind replaying all the times I would catch her watching me as I strummed my guitar in our early days. When creating music was still special and perfect. She excelled at singing–a natural talent. I remember every note of her voice and every look she’d send me while performing. There’s still a tug in my chest when I look at her now, remembering how we were inseparable back then. And here she is, her eyes still holding that quiet spark as she listens to Rainidy talk about music.

“Your mom taught you, huh?” I say, glancing at Keller, letting the warmth in my smile linger. “She’s talented, that’s for sure.”