CHAPTER 6: Faylinn

Standing outside the shower, I stare at the water like it's the first time I'm seeing it. I can't remember the last shower I took that didn't have a time limit and someone standing watch. Steam starts to fill the bathroom before I finally step into the tub. I know the water is probably too hot, but I walk straight into it. Maybe the heat can burn away the last fifteen years of my life. It's not like I don't know how unrealistic that thought is, but looking at Shamrock tonight, I realize how much he's changed.

Taller, muscular in a whole new way, and there's a fire in his eyes I don't remember being there when he was younger. As I use his soap and shampoo, I smile to myself. It's the same scent he's always used and one of the few memories that calmed me when I was with Devils Den. Finn has no idea how big of a role he played in keeping me alive, in keeping me sane, over the last decade and a half. I don't know if I can ever tell him, either.

As much as I want to spend time with my brothers and Carrigan, I don't know how to fit in here anymore. This used to be my home. The one place I felt the most comfortable. But I don't know these people now— more importantly, they don't know me. I don't even know how to exist outside Devils Den. I've never had a job, never got to go to college . . . hell, I've never even been on an actual date as an adult.

Turning the water off and getting out of the shower, I towel dry my hair. I swear, being fully clean, I feel sixty pounds lighter. Wrapping the towel around myself, I pick up my clothes and open the bathroom door. Finn . . . Shamrock— I need to start thinking of him that way. He's the club president now, not just a member— is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. I clear my throat, and his head snaps up, his light blue eyes almost glowing in the dim lighting of his room.

"I don't have clothes, like, at all." I hold up the rags I was wearing when I got here. "You can burn these." I toss the clothes against the wall by the door.

"Here," he says, standing and holding a stack of clothes toward me. "Willow dropped these off. She figured you might need them."

I take the pile, walk over to his bed, and set them down. "Who's Willow?" I ask as I look through and pick out a pair of loose shorts and a tank top. As I rifle through the pieces more, I find a sports bra, so I grab that and throw the tank top back on the pile.

"She's one of the clubwhores."

"Ah," I say, rolling my eyes. I don't know what the fuck to do here, but I do know I don't want to spend my first night back hearing about which clubwhores usually frequent this bedroom. I can't help the snarky comments that leak out of my mouth, though. It's one of the things that got me backhanded by Inferno a lot. "I'm sure at least one of them is less than pleased I'm taking up their space in your bed at the moment."

"Excuse me?" Shamrock says, his tone turning quickly to ice. I turn to look at him, keeping my face as neutral as possible. "I told you fifteen years ago I wouldn't be with a clubwhore the moment I knew I wanted you. That hasn't changed."

"Yeah, oh-kay," I say, rolling my eyes where he can see it this time.

"Look, Faylinn, I'm not saying I haven't fucked anyone in fifteen years, but I haven't fucked any of the clubwhores, and no one has been in this bed other than me since the last time you slept in it."

I stop short and stare at him. He's telling the truth. It's plain as day in the stern look on his face. I shake my head. "I shouldn't have made a comment. I have no right, and you're the President. I'm sorry."

"Faylinn, don't do that," he says softly, taking a few steps across the room until he's standing less than a foot in front of me.

"I'm not doing anything, Shamrock. Things were very different the last time I was in this room, and regardless of what we said to each other, life is different now. I have no right to expect anything or even think about what we meant to happen."

He reaches out and gently cups the side of my face, and I can't stop the flinch as his hand touches my skin. "Faylinn, I mean everything I said to you fifteen years ago just as much today as the day I said them."

I look up through my lashes just as his tongue darts out and swipes across his lips. I know he wants to kiss me, but I can't. "You'll get over that. I'm not the girl you wanted back then. Not anymore. And I sure as hell can't be your ol' lady now. Those dreams died fifteen years ago when Inferno and his men broke me." I turn and walk back to the bathroom without another word, shutting the door behind me to get dressed and brush my teeth.

Everything I have wanted since I was a little girl is standing in the other room, and I'll never be able to hold him . . . because he has no fucking clue just how fucked up my head is. But I know. And now that I'm free, there's only one thing I really want, and the Emerald Isle MC will be the way I get it.

Very soon, I'm going to get revenge on Inferno . . . I'll set all of Cascade Falls on fire if I have to.