Chapter 5 Driving

I’m not that kind of woman, and he knows it, which is why I knew what his next response would be. He isn’t that stupid to believe my lies, but it doesn’t take the sting away from his words. I just wanted him to feel a tiny bit of what I've been suffering lately, even if it's just for a moment.

“You wouldn’t have done that to me, Ivy. You are pregnant with my child. You need to come home so I can take care of you both,” he says quietly, like he is trying to keep his temper in check and convince me to come back to him. Does he really think that will work? What kind of idiot does he think I am? Once was more than enough, and he’s hurt me more than that! I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you. But I refuse to go back to an abusive husband while carrying a child. I could put up with you hurting me, but I will never let you do it to my baby!” I grind out. “Go back to your lover, Chris, and I will find one of my own.”

“You can’t! I still love you!” he tried desperately. Why is he even trying? Does he not know a lost cause when he hears one? This last ditch effort just hurt even worse because I don’t believe it for one second.

“I don’t think you’ve ever loved me, Chris. Not even when we were dating. You can use Shelly as your next punching bag or find someone else… John’s gonna be stopping by any day now and arrest you anyway, so might as well get your rocks off while you can,” I sneered, then ended the call. Yes, it was a low blow, but he deserved it. I didn’t even feel bad.

It wasn’t two seconds before he was calling me again, then I hit ignore.

I looked through my apps and found the tracker and disabled it. At least now I know he can’t follow me. I didn’t want to be looking over my shoulder, wondering when he would show up and hurt me again. He may be desperate enough to kidnap me if he still thinks I’m carrying his child. I can't let that happen.

Chris called me immediately, probably realizing he couldn’t track me anymore. So sad for him. Go cry me a river, slimeball.

I am so done with him. I looked up his contact and blocked him. And then I smile.

At that moment, I felt empowered. He couldn’t get to me anymore. He would no longer be able to manipulate me into doing whatever the hell he wanted me to do. I was finally safe! I could travel the world and find a new love and he couldn’t stop me!

The relief was short-lived, however, as I still had no idea where I was heading and what I was going to do. I didn’t have a destination in mind and no one to be there for me when I fell apart because I knew I would. I would have to suck up the pain all on my own.

Grief mingled with my feeling of safety. I was all alone now. I’m so distraught that I just want to sink into my bed and never get out again. But I don’t even own a bed anymore!

I wanted to break down and cry because even if I hated Chris, he was my normal and solid in my life. Now, I felt like I was floating without a tether. Is this how I would feel for the rest of my life? Unbound to reality? Lost and adrift on a tumultuous ocean of pain? Will I ever be able to recover from this... emptiness? Is it even worth it anymore?

I didn’t even have Michelle or her parents. I’m sure if I called them and explained what happened, they would never believe me. And there is no way she would tell her parents the truth. She would somehow put all the blame on me. She would be too embarrassed about what really happened and cover it all up. I don’t know how, but she would. She probably already has, seeing as I’ve left town and her parents would be worried about me.

I guess Chris and Michelle really do deserve each other. They are both selfish, self-serving idiots. They like to blame me for their mistakes. But I’ve never done anything to them. Nothing has ever been my fault! They just like to use me and hurt me.

I refuse to be a scapegoat anymore. I am going to go and…

More fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but hopefully I’d drive far enough away to escape my past life and start a new one where I had real friends… And a job would be nice too… And heck, maybe a place to stay would be fantastic also!

I pull back onto the road, and I just drive.

When my gas tank reads a quarter tank, I pull over into a town named Taylorsville. I’ve never heard of it. I guess this was as good as anywhere else. I’ve been driving for hours, so why not see if I could stick around?

My ex certainly wouldn’t be looking for me in a place like this. It looked to be an older town with lots of family homes. That was a good thing, right?

I pull into the first gas station I see and fill up my tank. When I’m done, I return the nozzle and go inside to pay the attendant, who happened to be a teen with a bad case of acne, but he had a friendly face.

As I paid, I asked, “Is there any place to stay around here for a night or two?”

“Sure, just keep goin’ down Jericho Road. Turn left at Juniper, and there’s a motel,” the kid responded.

“Thanks,” I smiled and headed back out to my car.

Following the simple instructions, I found the motel just where he’d said it would be.

For a brief moment, I was happy something was finally going my way.