15. Hobby

Raelyn’s pov

“See you tomorrow, Dimples.” Torin smiled at me in a way that made my heart beat faster.

I think his smirk is really handsome, but when he smiles, like a real smile with all his teeth showing, a smile that’s unpretentious and real… It’s so beautiful.

It makes me happy to see Torin smile like that.

But then when we say goodbye, it doesn’t take long for me to feel bad.

It doesn’t help that Dylan has been ignoring me for days now. And I know that if I stop sending him texts to check in, he’ll get suspicious.

How do people cheat?

I’m just meeting Torin for a run each day, and I already feel so guilty and conflicted. We're just running together. So how are people actually able to push that all aside and kiss or have sex with another person?

Maybe people only cheat when they fall out of love. Or maybe they have ways to justify themselves.

I do it.

I keep finding reasons why I should see Torin.

Is this like an emotional affair?

I’ve been meeting Torin for five days now, and I just can’t make myself stop seeing him. Despite telling myself I’m only doing it because I really need a friend right now, I know deep down Torin wants more than friendship.

While I don’t know why he likes me that way, I can’t deny that he does. It’s every action, every smile, every way he looks at me or speaks to me that shows me Torin likes me for more than a friend.

But he hasn’t crossed a line. He’s been very respectful.

I walked into the apartment and straight to the shower. These runs were actually nice for another reason.

Getting outside, feeling the sun on my face, being active, being around nature… It all made me feel more like myself.

Torin had said that working out makes you feel happy because your body or brain produces endorphins. He is so smart. He knows all these little facts.

I used to know little facts too. Especially about movies and books. I would look for trivia on actors or movies, even while watching a movie. I loved finding out where I knew a certain actor from.

TV and movies were an escape after my grandma died, and Dylan would take me to the movies a lot when we started dating.

But that stopped after a while. After that, we only watched the movies Dylan liked. And soon he didn’t want to watch anything with me because he hated how much I talked about them. He said I ruined movies for him.

I would watch shows when I was by myself, though. I also enjoyed reading books, particularly those about romance. But Dylan said it was a silly hobby and a waste of time.

He didn’t allow me to stay home just to relax on the couch each day. I should make myself useful instead of reading or watching TV.

So I stopped.

When I left the shower I dried myself, trying to cover as much as I could with my towel before getting dressed. Knowing I was being watched had made me paranoid.

I didn’t like the idea of Dylan being able to see me naked through a camera. It's different when he's here. Dylan is always very adamant about my body being his to watch or do with what he wants. When you’re married you don’t get to say no anymore, I guess.

When I was done, I put on my comfy clothes. I already had groceries, and the only thing I’d be doing the rest of the day was cleaning and making myself dinner.

But when I walked into the living room and saw the TV, I suddenly decided not to clean. Instead, I sat down on the sofa and began watching a new show.

For two episodes I laughed when they were making jokes; I teared up when something sad happened, and for a moment I was lost in their lives, forgetting mine.

Until my phone rang.

I purposefully hadn’t given Torin my number. I was scared if Dylan saw me smile or look at my phone in a certain way; he might think I was talking to someone. It's paranoid, but not farfetched if you don't know how many cameras are in your house and how often they're watched.

So the only person who could be calling me was Dylan.

“Hey Dylan,” I answered, pausing my show.

“Hey Lyn,” He replied, dramatically pausing before saying. “I thought about it, and I forgive you.”

“Thank you. I’m really sorry for everything.” I said this, knowing it wasn't the end of it. Forgiveness never came this easy.

He sighed, “I appreciate that, Lyn. I need you to understand how much your actions hurt me. The bag, the stealing, the lying, having lunch with my boss… It’s not like you to act like that. I think it's because of this new position and the business trip.”

I thought of my next words, wanting to make sure I said the right thing. “I do really miss you.”

“I just needed some time, you know.” Dylan said. “To think about what you did. I spoke to Mr. Vilkas as well, and he really reassured me. I guess he just felt pity for you. When you think about it, it’s actually funny, you know. Him liking you… Let's be honest, Lyn. You’re pretty and all, but you’re not that special.”

I swallowed, trying not to get upset at his words.

“Don’t you agree?” Dylan asked.

“Yeah, yeah, it would be crazy if he liked me.”

Dylan chuckled, “especially since he’s engaged. His fiancée is probably a supermodel or something. I mean, could you imagine you and him?”

“No...” I softly said. Torin never told me he was engaged. Why wouldn’t he tell me that? Why flirt with me?

I thought he was my friend.

“I love you, Lyn. Despite everything, you’re mine. You’re difficult to love sometimes, but I can’t just leave you like everyone else, you know. I’m not that type of man. Once I make a promise, I stick to it.”

It was something he said more often. And it wasn’t wrong. Everyone who loved me had left. I had no family or friends.

“Thank you,” I replied, nervously picking at my skin. “For staying.”

“Yeah,” He chuckled again, the sound making me nervous. “I have plenty of other offers, you know. Like this colleague of mine that’s on the work trip. She practically threw herself at me. But unlike you, I’m loyal.”

He was trying to make me jealous, but I felt no jealousy. I used to enjoy talking to Dylan, but now he just makes me anxious. I wanted it to be over.

Dylan sighed, “you want to go back to watching TV, don’t you? I do not appreciate this new side of you. You go out to run, then slack at home. Who are you running for anyway?”

“You,” I said. “I gained some weight. I wanted to look nice for you when you came back. You said you wanted me to look skinny like I did when we first met. So, I've started running every day in the park."

I was skinny because I was fourteen when we met and hadn’t gotten any curves yet. But Dylan didn't see it that way.

I had sent him some pictures during my runs, hoping it would make him stop ignoring me. But now I wish he hadn’t stopped.

“You should just eat less. If I come back and you’re all muscular like a man…”

“I won’t! I don’t even like running. But you have such a good body. So I thought while you were gone I’d make the effort to look nice for you. Because I felt bad for what I did. The other options were swimming or the gym, but, -”

I couldn’t tell him how much I enjoyed running, or he would take it away.

“Yeah, you’d like that, right? Walking around half naked with guys ogling your ass. No, stick to running.” He said angrily.

“Okay, thank you.”

“I gotta go, but we’ll talk later. Oh, and Lyn?”

“Yes?” I asked, eager to end this call.

“Don’t keep bothering me with texts and pictures while I’m working. I’ll call you when I have time, okay?” He scolded me.

“Sorry, I won’t do that anymore.” Wouldn’t he get upset if I didn’t show him I missed him? Was this a trick?

“And I won’t be able to call you at night before bed anymore. I have stuff to do.”

I stared at the frozen screen on the TV. Even if I put the show back on, it wouldn’t have the same effect as before. “Okay, Dylan. I love you.”

“Yeah, you too.” And he hung up.