17. Brave

Raelyn’s pov

Every time I see Torin, it’s not enough. The hour or so we spent together is the highlight of my day.

It’s not just a break from my reality at home. It’s so much more.

When I’m with Torin, I feel like me. I feel like the most authentic version of myself.

And I feel free.

I know all too well I’m not free. I’m being watched. I have no say in anything. Even watching a movie can be a reason to be scolded.

It doesn’t even feel like my home. The apartment was chosen by Dylan. He picked out the furniture and decided to use the only extra room as his personal sanctuary. A sanctuary from what? The rest of the house is already his.

The only place in our home that feels a bit like mine is the kitchen, and that is only because Dylan is hardly in there because he refuses to cook or get himself anything.

I make his dinners, breakfasts, and lunches. I make his coffee. I get his protein shake.

I’m the one who takes care of him. Like a wife is supposed to.

But is a wife supposed to be a servant? A doormat? Have no voice, no choice, no life outside of serving her husband.

Who takes care of the wife?

When I’m sick, I can’t lie in bed all day, but Dylan can…

This can’t go on like this anymore. I can’t be scared in my house when he’s not even there.

Especially not now, now that I have Torin’s phone number.

If I receive a text and smile at my phone and just at that moment Dylan is watching, I’m in trouble. It’s too many ifs. It’s too much stress to keep living like this.

I should have told Torin no, but how could I without revealing the truth?

Torin would probably think I’m crazy and making it all up, and I can’t prove any of it. It’s Dylan’s word against mine.

If I could find the cameras...

I know I can’t ask Dylan to remove the cameras, where they are, or if he can stop watching me. I know this will only make my life more miserable.

But while he’s away, I have a chance to form a friendship. I have a chance to live a little. To have something for myself, even if it’s only for six weeks. A break from my life.

Even if it’s wrong. I need a break. Or I’ll break, and there’ll be nothing left of me except for a shell of the version I once was. I’d be a ghost.

As I walked down the hallway to the apartment door, I stopped, making sure I wasn’t visible on the doorbell camera.

Maybe there is a way to find where the cameras are. Not so I can shut them off, but to see which areas of the house are safe. There must be a blind spot somewhere.

I don’t have any social media because it made Dylan insecure. He thought I would use it to look at other men.

Just another way I’m isolated from the world…

But back when I did, I remember seeing a video of a girl checking her hotel room for cameras. There was one in the fire alarm.

I did an internet search and made a screenshot of the page, which shared various tricks to find hidden cameras.

One was using the flashlight of your phone at night to see if there are reflections anywhere they shouldn’t be. The second was to use the camera to look for red dots. They also mentioned areas where hidden cameras are commonly placed.

Then there was the part that really struck me. For Dylan to be able to watch me, the cameras needed to have an internet connection and were likely connected to the wifi.

It was sad to admit I didn’t even consider looking for them before because I felt too scared. I was terrified, but the need to talk to Torin was bigger than my fear.

I just had to be smart about it.

I heard Dylan’s repeated insults at my intelligence, chopping away at my confidence. Could I do this?

I’m dumb, I’m weak, and I’m not able to do anything.

No… This isn’t something you have to have a Harvard degree in. This is just something simple. I can do this.

For myself… for Torin.

Can I?

I didn’t tell him what I named him in my phone… but when a message popped up on my phone under the name BG, Beautiful Giant, it felt like a sign to me.

I walked to my apartment with the phone in my pocket and a newfound courage in my chest.

Dylan is not even here, but he’s still able to make my life harder without any effort. This ends now.

I might not be brave enough to actually tell Dylan no or tell him I want the cameras gone. But I am brave enough to do this.

It didn’t feel like much. It was still the act of a coward to do this in secret and find hidden spots to feel safe, but so be it.

I am a coward.

I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head and focused on the task ahead. Find the cameras and a safe space to text Torin.

When it was time to go to bed, I could barely sleep. I tried my best not to think of everything that could go wrong. I kept looking at my clock, waiting until it was two in the morning. Then I got out of bed, pretending to need water, and removed the power from the wifi router.

I checked my phone to make sure there really was no wifi.

Tomorrow I'd pretend to notice the wifi was out and text Dylan for help.

Then I went ahead and looked around for the hidden cameras. I still felt uneasy, hoping I hadn’t made a mistake. But it wasn’t like I was removing them. I was simply documenting where they were so I could find areas in the apartment where I could go unseen.

I felt silly once I found the cameras. They weren’t even that well hidden. Dylan must know how scared I am of him. Scared enough to not even look for the cameras, let alone do anything about them.

With everything I had gathered, I made a map of the apartment, showing every camera and which way they pointed.

I discovered the areas that were safe were the toilet and inside of the closet. Part of the kitchen and the balcony outside.

He did have two cameras pointed at the bed, at the shower, and several in the living room. He also had a motion sensor installed on his office door.