Nobody wants me

Josh dishes out dinner then brings mine to me. Earlier when I stepped out of the shower just in my towel I saw the way his pupil dilated and how hoa jaw almost dropped.

He takes a breath and I take one. I nearly dropped the towel and I won't be balming gravity for it. But suddenly he got angry and asked why I'm without my pants. So I told him I left my box out in my car outside and that's not a lie. He then offered to get it for me. If I didn't know better I would think he went outside to calm himself.

Luckily, I only packed a few summer clothes, nothing really covering because it's usually really hot out here and I had thought I'll be with only my dad for the rest of the summer. So that makes sense. Seeing Josh here tonight is thrilling and tempting at the same time.

He didn't say anything about what happened on my birthday five years ago. Did he forget all about it or he just wouldn't want to go talk about it. I wonder if he masturbates after reading the diary. I'm a prolific writer. I discovered I can write better after coming up with my diary of dirty fantasies. What a funny way to discover one's talent. So I pushed further with the decision and now, I'm majoring in one related course In college.

The silence lingers on as we eat and the sound we could hear is coming from our cutleries. I tried to think of what was going on in his mind. Some minutes ago, he literally spaced out and I had to raise my voice louder before he could hear me.

Did he get married? Or have kids now? I tried to think of the worst that could happen. But I laughed at my own stupidity. If he got married, he wouldn't be here alone besides I would have heard. My dad is his best friend for the love of Christ.

I know of his rule against  having kids and I wonder if he had changed his mind now. His mom had him at a very young age. While she was still a teenager, she didn't know what to do with him so he was given to a foster mother. While I was still young he thought of me as annoying and disturbing but the truth is sometimes he treats me better and gives me what I want than my dad. Now I want something else, I hope he can give me this too.

I watched as Josh rose up and walked over to the mini fridge in the kitchen, opened it, brought out two beers then shut it back. He passed me one before settling down on his chair to confirm his dinner.

"Beer? Really?" I was astonished that he was offering me a drink. I can feel my eyes popping out of my socket already.

"Yes, to cool you down from the stress of the road" he paused. "I know you're not twenty one, don't tell your dad"

Hell. Even if you do other things to me. I wouldn't tell him.

"You can trust me with your secret" i said before opening the lids of the cam and then off it goes down my throat. I like how it burns and cools my throat at the same time.

"You need to cool down, Annie" he says my name the way I want him too. Annie the big girl. Annie doing what the big girls are doing. Not Annie crying whenever we watch Horror movies and begging dad or Josh to check my bedroom and bathroom for me In Case there's Zombies hiding in them.

I smiled at him as he watched me with wide open eyes. I dropped the can and cleaned my mouth with the back of my left hand.

"Wow…. That is.." he trails off.

I grinned even wider.

“How have things been though?” he asks after a while. We're now done eating dinner.

“Things are good. I’ve just been getting ready to leave for college in the spring like everyone else. There’s so much to remember.”

“Better make sure not to get too distracted with all the boys chasing you around,” he says with a teasing tone in his voice.

"I don't have guys chasing after me" I say.

"I can't believe that. Why? You're a beautiful young lady Annie, Surely you'll have them them drooling all over you"

"Actually they do but I had a boyfriend."

"Had? What happened?"

"He broke up with me," I say suddenly and almost without thinking. No, I did think about this, though.  It's what I wanted to talk about with my dad. Even if I didn't, he'll know and I need his opinion. But with Josh sitting opposite me, I just don't know. Everything came out rushing without me thinking.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

"Wait, what?  Seriously?" Josh says his tone comes out a bit surprised and maybe a tone of disappointment is in them.

I nodded.

"Why?" He asked.

Well, this is now. How do I tell him Pete had advised me Come home and have sex without getting embarrassed.

"He doesn't want you?" He asked again.

I shook my head. "No, it's me who don't want him"

"Why?"

"He doesn't want to know me in that way. No one ever wants to. He only cares about one thing and I'm not ready to give out. "

"What's that?"

I lift my eyes to meet his. " He only wants to take my virginity, Josh and I'm not ready to give that to him."

I watched as his mouth grows dry and he swallows the empty lump in his throat while he tries to focus on me but he's failing miserably.