23, In the shadows

Shadow

I watched from the shadows as Wolf talked to Tite. I hadn’t intended to spy on them when I left the bar. I just wanted to check on Tite. She had a tough evening and I wanted to make sure she was okay. I didn’t envy her being mated to an idiot like Wolf. He was an okay guy, I trusted him with my life, trusted him more than most others. But when it came to emotions he was clueless. Despite this, I was certain he was more into Tite than either of them thought. Anyone could see they were made for each other, I guess that’s why the moon goddess had made them true mates. If she just had given Wolf a little more of a brain, things would have been easier, I thought, as I watched my brother make an ass of himself. Tite headed up to her room and I stepped out of the shadows. Wolf jumped and I saw his hand go to where he kept his gun.

“For fuck sake, Shadow! I have told you not to do things like that,” he told me. I had to chuckle. It was entertaining as fuck to scare him shitless.

“Relax, brother. Don’t have a heart attack, that would be an embarrassing way to go,” I told him. Usually, he would have come back with some quick witted comment. But now he just grunted. Fine by me. Then we were going to talk about the big things instead. “Why didn’t you tell her you have never slept with Lora?” I asked.

“Are you a fucking eavesdropper now?” he asked. I ignored his obvious attempt at avoiding the subject and just looked at him. He sighed. “What’s the point? She has already made up her mind,” he told me.

“And that’s why you correct her so she knows it’s not true,” I told him like I was trying to explain the big bang theory to a toddler.

“She can believe what she wants. I don’t care,” he insisted.

“The fuck you don’t. I have seen you sulk all evening because you think Tite took an unnecessary risk and you are afraid not everyone in the club will respect the status she has been given after her show off with Lora,” I told him. He didn’t object, he just kept sulking. “And to Tite it looks like you are pissed at her because she beat your little bedfellow and you didn’t like it,” I continued.

“I have told you; I don’t care what she thinks,” he said.

“Yeah, and the moon is made out of cheese. Just because you say it enough times, doesn’t make it true. Lora needed to be put in her place. She has been out of control for a while and no one has done anything. It needed to happen. Tite is right, we don’t stand up as a group unless it is to defend the club from an outside force. If the others give her shit for what happened tonight, I will have her back. How about you?” I asked and watched Wolf.

“Don’t ask idiotic questions. I’ll have her back,” he huffed.

“At least you have some sense left in that brain. So why don’t you go up to her room and straighten up the misunderstandings?” I suggested.

“Just leave it, Shadow. I thought you would be pleased with this. One less contender for her,” he said. I just shook my head.

“Fucking idiot. I have told you. I’m not interested in her like that, she’s a friend. And even if I was interested in her, she couldn’t care less. Go and talk to her.”

“No.” Wolf turned around and started to walk away.

“So you would rather lose her than let go of that stupid notion that you are a lone wolf? You will let Tite believe she means nothing to you rather than be honest with her?” I asked his back. He froze for a moment. Then he shook his head and continued to walk away. “Fucking idiot,” I said to no one. So I didn’t succeed with the first one. Maybe I would have better luck with the other. I headed for Tite’s room. She opened her door when I knocked. She stepped aside and showed me in. Her room was almost identical to mine. A bed big enough for two if you really wanted it, a desk, a dresser and in a corner a sink and two cabinets on which there was a microwave and a hotplate. I noticed she had added a kettle. Having had some manners instilled in me by my mom, I took the desk chair and sat down, leaving the bed for her. She sat down.

“So, how are you?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” she told me. It was the least convincing ‘I’m fine’ I had ever heard.

“You can be honest with me, Tite,” I reminded her.

“Fine. I’m a mess. This fucking mate bond is seriously screwing with me and one moment it feels like Nash is tearing my heart out with a wooden spoon, the next it feels all good and sweet. I don’t know what’s worse,” she told me.

“You know he has never slept with Lora,” I said. If Wolf was going to be too stubborn to set things straight, I had to give him a helping hand. Because Tite was right. We needed to start looking out for each other. She gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me. “Cross my heart, it’s the truth. He has always been able to see the fake side of her and has stayed clear. Lora has been sulking for over a year,” I added.

“Well, that does make me feel a little better. But the fact is still the same.”

“You know he likes you,” I pushed.

“He likes what I could do for him in bed. And that’s as far as it goes for him,” she insisted.

“I think you are wrong, Tite, but I’m not going to push you. Just don’t let the giant fucking wall he has built around himself fool you. He is squishy inside,” I told her. She smiled at me.

“Thank you for trying, at least. While I have you here, away from prying ears, what is this about your taste in porn that has got you all flustered?” she asked. Fuck! I thought she would have forgotten that with the evening she had. I looked at her and decided to just go all out. I couldn’t go around telling people they should stop hiding when I was just the same.

“So it’s not what they are doing, it’s who’s in it,” I said. Tites eyes grew big.

“Fuck, Shadow! Don’t tell me you are into kids. I would have to castrate you and watch you slowly bleed out while cursing you. It’s not a good night for that,” she said.

“What the fuck! No! Fuck Tite, how could you even think something like that?” I asked, horrified.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just been one of those days. I’m expecting the worst. So what then?”

“Men, okay? I like gay porn,”I confessed.

“Oh. Just porn or…?”

“No, not just porn. In real life as well. I’m gay.”

“Right, that makes sense if you are into gay porn. So why is that so embarrassing?” she asked.

“Because I’m in a biker club and that is a place for manly men who drink beer and fuck women,” I said. She looked at me and then I could see the light bulb moment.

“You haven’t told them?” she asked.

“Of course I haven’t.”

“Oh Shadow. I’m so sorry. That must be tough. You have to tell them. You can’t live in a place like this trying to hide such a big part of you. What will happen when you find your mate? Dress him up in a skirt and a wig?” she asked and despite the serious topic, I burst out laughing. I was lucky she had come to the club, she was the first real friend I had been able to be totally honest with. I didn’t know how much I needed it. How much I needed someone to see who I really was.

“No, that isn’t a good solution,” I said. “I just don’t want to be kicked out. This is my home, I wouldn’t know what to do if I couldn’t be here.”

“You would come with me. No matter where I land, there will always be room for you. Besides, the club’s charter clearly says sexual orientation shouldn’t stop anyone from becoming a member,” she told me.

“And we all know how good we are at following those,” I pointed out.

“Well, we will just have to change that, won’t we?” she said.