Ch 10: Figure out who I want to be

Aribella POV

It’s been a week since I left the castle, and two entire days since the hunting trip that the Whitehall’s went on.

My mind has been going insane since the morning they set off. Would Mael change his plans and make me look like a fool? Would Rhory jump in front of the bullet in an attempt to keep Emrys from getting shot?

I can’t remember for the life of me if any of the other family members were involved, but I just silently hoped, as awful as it sounded, that my predictions were correct, and Rhory would be coming to me any day now.

“Haven’t caught you staring off into space this much in a while,” Peyton chirps, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe away the sweat that clung to his forehead.

It was sweltering inside the barn, and the smell was nauseating. After a week of smelling hot shit, you’d think I’d have some form of immunity to it, but alas, here I am, trying not to vomit up the eggs that I ate for breakfast.

“I think the fumes are getting to me,” I groaned, using the back of my hand to apply pressing to my forehead. The pain that was coming and going is more consistent now, and I needed to hurry up with my chores.

Peyton’s hand appeared in front of my face, and I stared up at him in confusion, “Come on. Don’t leave me hanging.”

My brows furrow for a second before I flick my gloves off, grabbing onto his hand. He tugs me up from the upside-down bucket I’d been sitting on, pulling me through the barn, and outside.

Mimic, the horse that gave me so much trouble the day I woke up here, was strapped with a mount and harness.

I took a step backwards. “No way,” I shook my head. “That horse hates my guts.”

“Oh, nonsense,” Peyton plucked a sugar cube from his pocket, and the horse greedily slurped it from his outstretched hand. “Mimic was just having an off day. And when was the last time you rode one of the horses?”

Never…. But I can’t say that.

Peyton didn’t wait for an answer, hopping onto the horse’s saddle, and outstretching his hand, “Live a little, Ari.”

I glanced at Mimic’s face, catching her nearly all black eye, and relented. I’ve never ridden a horse, but Peyton’s confidence gives me the urge to take his hand, and I carefully throw my leg over, positioning my body just in front of Peyton’s.

“Didn’t expect that to be so easy,” Peyton’s mouth is close to my ear, and I’m suddenly aware of how close our bodies are. My heart races at the proximity of another man being so very close to me.

The last time I was kind to a man at work, it cost me my life.

Stephan isn’t here in this world. He can’t hurt you anymore.

I slowed my racing heart with a few deep breaths, glancing over my shoulder, “Alright, cowboy Casanova. Where are we headed?”

Peyton whistles low, grabbing the reins, and lightly smacking them against the horse, “You just continue to surprise me.”

The horse takes off slowly at first, and I’m certain that Peyton is guiding him that way given my original reluctance, but the moment I relax against his chest, holding the small stump at the front of the saddle, Mimic speeds up.

A squeal of surprise falls from my lips, making Peyton laugh, “Are you laughing at my expense?”

“That sound you just made,” he chokes out. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard something like that before.”

“So funny,” I mutter under my breath, but his energy is contagious, and it only takes a second of pouting before I’m relaxing once again.

“What does the newly reformed Aribella see in her future now that she’s not drooling over the Duke?” Peyton’s question pulls me from the surrounding sights. I’d been taking in the land surrounding the Voss Ranch, given that I'd never seen these areas with my own eyes.

“Please never bring up my ‘drooling’ over the Duke again.” A deep groan follows my sentence, but Peyton only chuckled behind me. “How could I forget?” his mouth was close to my ear again, but this time, it didn’t invoke the same reaction as before. “Watching you pine over that man was practically torturous. I’m certain I’ve had a nightmare or two over the years.”

“Did I hit my head as a child and just don’t remember?”

Peyton laughs again, steering the horse to the west. “Maybe, but I’m not complaining. Watching you realize how foolish you were has been the highlight of my life. It didn’t even take you to get a harsh reality check. You just came to the conclusion on your own.”

Oh, sweet Peyton. You have no idea.

“I’m going to choose not to take offense to this line of questioning. Enough about me, what about you, Pey?” I glanced over my shoulder, catching Peyton’s grin at my little nickname.

“You know I’m happy here,” he smiles, the words drenched in truth. “I have no problem doing this for the rest of my life. The horses are good company. Your father is a fantastic boss,” he shrugs, “I don’t plan on doin’ anything else.”

The genuine tone of Peyton’s words brings a warm, fuzzy feeling to my chest. He doesn’t dream of moving up the ladder or doing something more glamorous. He doesn’t long for more than he needs, and that’s such a rare thing to come across these days.

“In that case,” I toss another smile over my shoulder. “I hope you never change your mind.”

Since returning from the castle, Peyton has been someone I look forward to talking to every day. He’s been a constant presence in my life, and his outlook is so refreshing, sometimes I’m able to forget about my reality.

When he’s around, my mind finds less time to dwell on all the massive changes that have happened to me. I don’t dwell on the fact that I’m a stranger to this body, or the fact that I was murdered a short time ago.

He keeps my mind busy with simple talk, and I’m grateful.

Even now, just riding around on this horse makes me feel at ease because Peyton feels like a safe space.

Peyton directs the horse towards a large pond, pulling back on the reins as it approaches the shoreline. The water is crystalline, so much so that the fish swimming just beneath the surface are visible.

He hops down first, outstretching a hand to help me down.

“You didn’t answer my question from before,” Peyton pulls another sugar cube from his pocket, and Mimic greedily accepts it. “Does the future make you uncomfortable now?”

I purse my lips, squatting down to get a clearer look at the fish swimming just below the surface, “I suppose I just don’t know what lies in my future.” Peyton moves to sit beside me, kicking off his boots, and dipping his feet in the water.

“Sounds like someone who is restless.”

Turning towards him, I smiled, “I suppose you might be right.”

“And here I thought you might be happy…. Here with me at the ranch,” his features softened, and a light blush tinged his cheek.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. That sounded an awful lot like a confession of feelings, but I couldn’t reciprocate. I have no idea who I am anymore, and this person that Peyton seems to have taken a liking to is half his old friend, and half someone he doesn’t even know.

Peyton chuckles softly, his hand moving to the back of his neck nervously, “Here I am, making things awkward as usual.”

“Hey,” I whispered, bumping my shoulder against his. “You didn’t make anything awkward. I just… I guess I don’t know what to say.”

“The truth would be perfect,” he smiled sadly. “I’ve got pretty thick skin.”

My heart ached hearing those words. I wasn’t good at this kind of thing. I was a whole lot better at just biting my tongue, and hiding what I was truly feeling, so the truth from someone like me was asking an awful lot.

“I…” the words died in my throat. I don’t understand why, but I can’t tell him that I see him as a brother. When you find a safe space like he is to me, you don’t go fucking that up with romantic feelings.

Not only that, but I’m fresh off of my own death and even thinking about falling in love makes my stomach tie in knots.

“I guess I’m just not ready for a relationship,” my lips pull downward into a frown, “I know that sounds lame, but I want to figure out who I want to be before I find myself in a relationship.”

“That’s fair,” he winks. “You know where to find me when you find yourself.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words, and for the first time in my life, a man was truly genuine. There was no ulterior motive. There was no attempt at coercion or manipulation.

Before I could respond, a loud pop could be heard towards the ranch before an explosion of red light painted the sky.

“A flare?”

“That’s never a good sign,” Peyton hastily laced his work boots back onto his feet, jumping onto Mimic’s back before helping me up himself. “Hold on tight.” Peyton caged me within his arms, squeezing his legs, and tugging the reins, causing Mimic to gallop quickly back towards the house.

If the flare meant we were to return immediately, what would be waiting for us back at the ranch?