Chapter 3

Four Years Ago

Clare looked at him; she knew in her heart that it was going to be the last time. She could not take any more of this. She wondered how and why this had all gone wrong. They had everything going for them in the beginning. She could see his mouth was moving, but her head was not taking in a word he was saying as she sat on the sofa with the television on in the background.

“Are you listening to me?” Jonathan demanded. “Or am I talking to a brick wall again?” He came closer to her. She didn’t’ flinch, she knew he would not strike her. He was not that kind of man. She looked into his eyes, full of desolation. There was no point saying yes or no, she had figured out a long time ago, it did not matter what she said. She now had to the point where she just did not want to say anything anymore.

In the morning, she told herself, in the morning. She would take her bag and simply leave. He will not even miss me!  “I asked you a question.” She heard him say.

“What did you say?” She asked lamely. There was no fight in her; part of her had given up. “I knew you weren’t listening. It is always the same with you. It is no wonder you do not have friends and your own family do not want to know you. You’re pathetic!” He spat the words out.

Clare hung on to the little ounce of strength and dignity she had left. If only you knew the truth, she wanted to shout back. She remained meek and quiet before saying. “That’s right. You’re right that’s probably why.” It was the words she knew would feed his egotistical side. She had given up years ago even bothering to discuss her friends with him. He had something to say about every single one of them.

“I’m going out.” He turned and walked away leaving her staring blankly at the TV screen. “You’re a waste of space.” He added for good measure.

One day her inner voice told her, one day he will find out how strong you are and how miserable his life is going to be. The door banged as he left. Clare exhaled. She was exhausted trying to keep it together. She made sure he had pulled away before taking out her mobile, she kept hidden from him.

Hi, it’s me. Are we set for tomorrow? xx She waited a couple of seconds for the response from her best friend Lauren.

We are, everything is set. Just leave everything! Remember you cannot bring anything from that life with you. It’s time to start fresh and we can work on the rest xx Her friend reassured her.

Clare had handed her notice in a month ago. “We’ll be sorry to see you go Clare.” Jimmy her boss told her. “You’ve worked for us for seven years. You’re one of our star employees. The place just won’t be the same without your cheery face every day.”

“I’m sad to leave Jimmy, but we’re moving away. Jonathan has a new job up north and we don’t want to have a long-distance relationship.”

“I understand. We’ll organise a leaving do for you.” He smiled at her. Clare wondered how on earth she would get out of her own leaving do. Perhaps she could sway them to make it lunchtime. There was no way she could go out with her colleagues or friends at night. Jonathan would not allow it. Clare sighed, she had allowed herself to become caught in a web and it had taken her two years to realise it.

“Maybe we can make it a lunch leaving do.” She suggested.

“Whenever you want it to be Clare. Like I said, we are going to miss you. There will always be an opening here for you. If you need anything just call me.”  Clare could see sadness in Jimmy’s eyes, he knew how difficult her home life had been over the past years, and he understood more than she could ever know. He did not for a moment believe she was moving away with her boyfriend. Deep in his heart, he figured she was going to leave and leave on her own. Nevertheless, her personal life was just that. One day he hoped he would see her again. Smiling like she used to, with her confidence back. “Just promise me one thing kid, whatever happens or whatever you need, just give me a call night or day. You know Gracie and I will always be there for you! No matter what. You understand!”

Clare smiled, knowing you could not meet a nicer, warmer couple than Jimmy and his wife Gracie. She nodded fighting back the tears.

Clare had been a different woman. She would come into his office bright and fresh willing to take on the world. Her face enigmatic, her beautiful blue eyes shining with life. Her exuberance and energy got her the job. He had never looked back since the day he offered it to her.

She had worked for his accountancy company since she had left college. He was a great boss, and she was sad to leave. However, she knew that she had to make this move. It was her one and only chance to get out of the situation she was in.

The month had gone quickly and today had been her last day with them. She blinked back the tears at everything she was leaving behind. The only things packed in a bag, at the bottom of her wardrobe were a few clothes. Everything else her friend had convinced her were not worth considering.

“You have a bigger plan and a better future once this is over.” Lauren had told her. “Just focus on what you need to do Clare. It’s going to be hard, really hard and you’ve got so much you need to do before you can see him again and confront him.”

“I know Lauren, I know you’re right but God it’s so tough.”

“You’ve been planning this Clare for a couple of years now. Everything is set for you, do not cave in again. You will be miserable forever if you stay with him. He has dictated your entire life ever since you have known him. Be strong please.” Implored Lauren when they had last met up at lunchtime for their regular coffee. Clare had just nodded.

She sat looking around her, the pictures of them together on various holidays, at their friend’s weddings. At his friend’s weddings, she corrected herself. Them smiling and being happy, being truly in love. Tears slid down her face.

Her phone beeped. Get some sleep Clare. See you tomorrow at 7.30 xx Clare messaged her best friend back with a couple of kisses. She was drawn and exhausted. The road ahead was going to be long but she was prepared.