Darkness

Darkness isn’t something humans should be afraid of. Without it, they say that you cannot experience light. Darkness illuminates the stars. Darkness makes the shattering of lightning across the sky so beautiful.

But not every darkness brings light… At least that’s my experience with it, and that singular thought terrifies me.

Will I ever escape this darkness that is my life?

Dark clouds, thick with precipitation, loom over my head as I approach my mother’s gravestone. How fitting… will it storm like this every year?

Amelia Hazelwood. A loving mother, wife, and friend. She loved and was loved. April 15th,1978-August 21st 2023.

It’s been a year since her tragic passing. Stage four brain cancer. By the time we figured it out, there was nothing more that could be done. Three months was all it took for her life to be reduced to nothing more than this two-hundred pound hunk of cement.

But the tumor wasn’t what killed her. A bullet to the brain from a man who still hadn’t been caught.

Fate was truly a cruel bitch.

“Hey mom,” I whispered, falling to my knees in front of the stone. I reached out with a shaky hand, running my fingers over her name. “It’s Raelynn.” I chuckled nervously, staring at the stone. “I can’t believe it’s been an entire year. It feels weird, huh?”

The wind whips against my cheeks, warm but unrelenting, and the first drops of rain splatter my bare skin. I’m not ready to leave quite yet, so I pop open my umbrella, holding it with a shaky hand to shield my clothes from getting wet.

Normally, I wouldn’t care. I feel more at peace standing in the rain than I do beneath the sunlight, but today is different.

“Caelum is excelling,” I shook my head, a bright smile on my face. “He’s doing amazing in school. Straight A’s. Can you believe that?”

I don’t like to talk about myself, but since she’s not here to see my achievements, I feel obligated. “I’m starting college today. I missed the first week to get Caelum ready for his first week of school, but I’m finally doing it. I’m going to major in forensic psychology,” a soft laugh leaves my lips. “I know, I know. Shocker, right?”

I’ve always wondered what makes the human mind do the things that it does. Why do serial killers kill? What pushes a person to commit atrocious crimes? How does the chemical make-up of the human brain factor into the decision-making process?

Will it help me figure out what happened that night?

“Well, I’ve got to go now. I’ll bring Caelum back later. Love you, mom.” I don’t bother updating her on father. She’d be disappointed to know how far he’s fallen.

In my head, I make a silent promise to find out what really happened that night and bring the person responsible to justice. The darkest parts of me want revenge. They're thirsty and the sick, twisted thoughts that occasionally plague my mind aren't enough to satisfy them.

Shaking my head, I fight those thoughts. They're not healthy. They're not right.

I don’t cry… not any more anyway. When my mother got sick, I was the backbone of the family. My father is an alcoholic and the chief of police. Clemson is a small-ish town, but because of Clemson University, the force stays busy. If he’s not working, he’s drinking, and if he’s not drinking…. His anger is unmanageable.

The cemetery is only a short walk from Clemson Uni, but I spent longer than I should have talking to mom. I didn’t want to speak to her in front of Caelum, so I decided on a whim to come this morning, but now, I’m running late.

For the most part, my umbrella has kept me dry from the now steady downpour falling from the sky. My Doc’s are thankfully keeping my feet dry, no matter how many puddles I fail to avoid.

It’s my life by Bon Jovi blares in my airpods, mom’s favorite song, as I make my way towards campus.

Surprisingly, no one else littered the sidewalk, which was shocking given that it was a Thursday morning. Usually nothing kept the streets clear from Thursday through Sunday.

The tall buildings of Clemson Uni loomed ahead, and my heart raced with a mixture of nerves and excitement. I was finally doing something for myself. I was self-sacrificial by nature. Caelum came first and then mom…. Even dad was someone I put above myself, but today is the first time I was finally stepping into my own life.

Pulling out my phone, I double-checked that I didn’t have any messages from Caelum, and my heart stopped when I saw his name on the screen. Opening it quickly, I was relieved to see that it said: Have a good day sis. Don’t worry about me. I’m going to have a good day. I feel it <3

I couldn’t fight the smile that grew on my face. Caelum was the best little brother. He never complained about anything. Every obstacle thrown his way, he’d overcome, and with a positive attitude.

If anyone was going to be my hero, it would be him without a shadow of a doubt.

The roaring of an engine startled me as the song faded past the ending, and I turned my head, but it was too late.

Dirt-laden water from a deep puddle sprayed from the passenger side of the vehicle, soaking me from head to toe. I stood there, frozen in shock as the sleek, black Toyota Supra flew past.

It almost looked like it had swerved just to hit that damned puddle.

That was rude.

I knew that car. No one else in this area owned one.

Kieran Decker, aka the most popular boy back in high school. His family was (supposedly)swimming in money, rumored to be borderline billionaires. Kieran got that Supra for his sixteenth birthday, and the thing made a public appearance constantly.

Everyone either wanted to get with Kieran or be him. I never got the hype. While I wasn’t one to assume or judge, I saw the way he treated people. He wasn’t kind. Girls gossiped about how he’d sleep with them and ghost them immediately after kicking them out.

But nothing compared to the bruises, black eyes, and blood stains that appeared on his clothing.

Kieran was mysterious, and someone I’d likely never figure out.

My eyes slowly panned down, taking in the damage. My white shirt was splattered like a robin’s egg with muddy gravel. Thankfully, I opted to wear black denim short overalls, or you would be able to see my bra through my now soaked shirt.

Swiping my phone across the driest part of my outfit, I shoved it back in my pocket, groaning internally.

I brought no extra clothing. I have zero time to run home to change, and at this rate, I’ll be late for my first in-person class of the semester.

Ignoring the sloshing of dirty water in my boots, I jogged towards the main entrance, quickly rushing towards the bathroom. A girl in oversized sweats, a loose shirt, and her hair tangled in a top knot stumbled out of the bathroom. Her eyes panned over me, and a slight frown pulled on her lips, “Looks like you’re having a worse day than me.”

I wasn’t great with people. I wouldn’t say I was socially inapt, but people found me to be… strange. I’d been compared to a robot in the past. No one liked that I didn’t gossip or party. People thought it was strange I spent more time with my little brother than with peers.

No one really liked me….

“It’s not that bad.” I lied, ignoring the discomfort of my wet socks.

The girl was already gone by the time I’d replied, answering me with the slamming of the bathroom door.

I made quick work to wipe away as much of the dirt from my skin before realizing that I was already late for class.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered under my breath, practically running towards building C.

The hallways had a few lingering bodies, and I didn’t bother popping open my umbrella as I left building A, heading towards C.

I was already soaked. Maybe the clean rain will wash away some of the street grime.

Things were so busy this past week with Caelum that I hadn’t had time to map out my classes, which I’m kicking myself for today.

Room 33C’s door was closed, and I tried to slip in without the professor noticing, but my attempt was thwarted. “Miss Hazelwood,” the harsh voice of a woman in her late thirties raised a brow, “You’re late on your first day of in-person class.”

“I’m so sorry. I got…” I started, but she held her hand up. “I don’t care what happened. My class time is not optional. If you’re late again, don’t bother coming in at all. You may take a seat.”

A few giggles sounded as well as hushed whispers, but I paid them no mind. I wasn’t here to impress any of the people in this room. I was here to learn and get a degree.

My eyes scanned the rows of desks, swallowing when the only available seat was right beside none other than Kieran Decker.